Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Do I have the right to be mad?

When I went home last weekend, I saw people I hadn't seen in a long time. Of course, when people I haven't seen in a long time see me, they don't know me and they do a double take and then they are all like "Oh my gosh!! You look so different!" I then tell them, "Yeah, it's the hair; it throws people off all the time." That is my line because I just really want to see their reaction. Anyhow, then they say "How much weight have you lost?" I tell them "Well, it's about 136 or so." Then, they say "So, which surgery did you have?" Excuse me? Who said anything about surgery? If they don't ask which surgery did you have, they look at me and you know that is what they are thinking. I always say "I've done it with exercise and diet. I don't have any scars on my stomach...do you wanna see?? Okay, I don't say that to everyone, but there are times when I think I should.

That brings me to this question. Do I have the right to be mad when people automatically assume I had surgery to lose weight? It really makes me mad when people assume that there is no way a person could do what I have done with just diet and exercise. Granted, I have been working with a doctor, a trainer, a dietician and a life coach, but those resources are available to anyone who wants to spend the money. It's not like I have a trainer who works out with me everyday, I only see the trainers once every four visits to the doctor. Yes, I can email them whenever I need to, which is the case with all the people at the wellness center, but I don't have them following me around the gym every day. The dietician doesn't come to my house and fix my meals either. The doctor doesn't check in with me every day to make sure I'm still on track.

In the end, it is all up to me. I am the one who makes the decision to go the gym or to stay in bed. I was the one who had to get up at 4:30 in the morning during the school year, even when it was cold and snowy, when I wanted to just stay in bed and sleep. I hauled my butt out of bed and got to the gym. Ultimately, I am responsible for what goes into my mouth. I decide what to eat and when to eat it. It has been hard to not eat whatever I want, to pass up Taco Bell and almost all fast food, but that is what I have to do in order to make this work. This isn't just something I will do until I get to my goal weight, it is something I will have to do for the rest of my life or else I will be right back in the same place I was two years ago.

I have found myself getting very angry when I watch television shows where people have weight loss surgery. It makes me mad that people who have weight loss surgery don't have to do all the work I have had to do. Seriously, when you have surgery, the weight drops off really quickly. Granted, people who have surgery can't eat much initially, but even after they can eat, they still lose the weight a whole lot faster than someone who doesn't have surgery. I had a lady who had the lap band tell me "You can eat whatever you want...you just have to eat is slowly. I can drink a milkshake every day if I want and I can still lose weight, I just can't eat a whole bunch at one time." They never learn how to eat, or what to eat, but they still lose the weight. When I don't eat the right combination of foods, I don't lose weight. When I don't exercise enough, I don't lose weight. If I have a milkshake, I would probably gain weight or get sick because my body isn't accustomed to all that sugar anymore. I had a handful of M&M's a few weeks ago and I nearly vomited because of the sugar rush through my system. That was a big wake up call to me "Hey, you can't eat things like this anymore because your body doesn't know how to handle it."

I will be the first to admit I am not perfect. I do like ice cream. I still get to eat it. I have some in my freezer right now. It's sugar free, made with splenda, and I have to measure out a serving when I eat it so I can account for the calories I consume in a day. I do occasionally eat out. I haven't sworn off things like pizza. I just have to know how much I can have and I have to write it down. I write down everything I eat, every day. I could tell you what I ate two weeks ago. I could tell you what I ate back in January and how much exercise I have done, because I have to write it all down to hold myself accountable.

It all comes down to accountability that is what I have had to learn during this journey, this lifestyle change; I am ultimately the one who is accountable for what I eat and how much I exercise. In the end, it is up to me and I make the choices and I am the only one to blame if I don't succeed. It's no one else’s fault but mine if I gain weight. I can't blame anyone if I don't get up and go to the gym. I think that might be the biggest lesson I have learned in all of this; if I am going to succeed in this journey, I am the only one who can be held accountable. No one put a gun to my head and made me eat myself to my highest weight. I am the one who chose not to exercise. I am the only one to blame and I have to deal with that every day of my life. I have to realize my choices, good or bad, are my choices to make and I am the one who has to live with those choices.

So, do I have the right to be mad? I don't know. We have talked about this in my Weight Loss Support Group, but we never seem to get to an answer. I guess I am tired of always having to explain to people "Yes, I really did this the old fashion way. Eat less, move more." I just want people to stop asking and making assumptions. Just be happy someone has been able to make a lifestyle change and they are healthy. I am going to get off my soapbox now. Until next time, Diva Divine

1 comment:

arbee said...

I'm de-lurking to tell you CONGRATULATIONS on losing the weight WITHOUT surgery! :)

I think you have every reason to be upset, since you have worked really HARD to see it all happen... In my own mind, I sometimes wonder if people who opt for the surgery are really just taking the lazy way out and do it as a first resort instead of a last resort. Losing weight is not easy and eating right is really hard! Go ahead and be mad - you have every right!!!