Thursday, July 31, 2008

Baby, let's make a run for the border...

I have abstained from Taco Bell for the almost nine months. At first, it was agonizing, driving by and hearing my name being faintly chanted "Diva, Diva stop and have some muy delicioso comida rapida! We miss you!" Then, it didn't really have that much of an effect on me. I could take it or leave it. After a while, I was too afraid to eat it because I thought it wouldn't be able to control myself and I would end up in a food coma with cheese and drool dripping down my chin and my eyes all glazed over. Finally, today I decided I would make a run for the border and confront my demons.

I started out making my game plan, which includes looking up all the food choices and figuring out what I might want to order so I can stay in my calorie count. I planned on eating a few crunchy tacos and some rice. Not too many calories and it would satisfy my border craving. It sounded like a plan.

I think everyone had the same idea I had today because the line to get into Taco Bell was about five miles long. Actually, that was just the line to get into the drive thru. I went in, to avoid the line, and walked right up to the counter. No waiting.

I ended up having Fresco Tacos, which are the fresher alternative to the traditional taco. I got my border fix and went back to work to eat in peace. My fresco tacos were tasty...although, I did miss the cheese...fresco tacos don't have cheese. I didn't go all crazy from eating it and it did satisfy my craving. I don't think I will be hitting the border as much as I did before I went all straight and narrow, but every once in awhile, it's okay.

However, I do have to say that Taco Bell has nothing on the tacos from Jack-In-The-Box. I love, love, love Jack-in-the-Box tacos. The only problem is we don't have Jack-in-the-Box here in the metropolis. I've only been to Jack-in-the-Box once last summer with my friend Kerrie. Once you've had a Jack-in-the-Box taco, you never forget how wonderful they taste. Kerrie knows my love of Jack-in-the-Box tacos and last week, she sends me a text taunting me "Sitting at Jack in box now!" Talk about torture....that was torture. It made me want to get in my car and drive to the nearest Jack-in-the-Box, which is about 222.19 miles away! I have seriously considered it a number of times.

I went and had my blood drawn today by the vampires....opps, the nice people at the lab today. It wasn't too bad. The worst part of it was taking off the band aid they put on my arm after the finished. I think I lost some skin because the band aids are so cheap they use some glue that is like permabond. Ripping that band aid off hurt worse than being stuck with the big long needle.

I am exhausted and I think it is time to go to bed. I have to pack up my bag and hit the hay. If anyone out there would like to send me some Jack-in-the-Box tacos, just let me know. I will be your friend forever! Until next time, Diva Divine

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Today was not my day....

Some days just aren't your days. You can't win them all, so when a day goes wrong, you just have to chalk it up to handling what life hands you. Today was not my day. I've had a lot of good days in a row, so I can't be too honked off. You can't win them all.

The day started off okay. I was able to drag myself out of bed and get to the gym. I did sprints today, so I alternated between walking and running. I felt like I worked hard and I was pleased with myself. I did notice after getting out of the shower I had a blister on my toe, the toe that always has a blister or a hunk of skin hanging on it. So, that's not really that big of a deal. However, I should have been tipped off when I nearly burned myself with the curling iron and I didn't really have a good hair day. I just couldn't get the right amount of volume in the crown. I am going to blame it on the humidity.

Work was okay today. I was busy. I actually got in ten minutes early so I could get some things done before it got too busy. I had about a million emails to respond to and things to organize. I like to utilize the quiet time when not too many people are in the office. I can get in the zone and accomplish a lot. I knew I wouldn't be at my desk too much because I had two meetings and a conference call.

First thing this morning, I sat down with my boss and went over a bunch of new employee items. I had a few questions about some things which had come up and I wanted to make sure I was on the right track. As we were going over things, she gets this email about the taping session we were attending later in the morning. They told us they were buying lunch and we needed to send our order. I tell my boss what I want and she emailed my order with hers. Simple. Done. No problem. However, I had some foreboding sense of impending disaster looming on the horizon. We will get back to that later.

I had a big taping session today that I had to attend. Basically, I watched and listened to someone give a speech we are taping so our Marketing/PR Department could put together PowerPoint presentations for this person to use when they go on the road to promote the company. It was a good speech. I learned things about the company. It was a win-win situation.

However, remember that foreboding sense of impending disaster looming on the horizon, well, it hit after the speech ended. The head of Marketing/PR looks at me and says "We can't find your lunch. Sorry. We have something else in the bag if you want it." Really, are you kidding me? How do you just forget to make sure you had all the stuff you ordered? Sorry? Sorry isn't going to produce a lunch for my hungry ass. Sorry isn't going to make my stomach stop growling. I guess I wouldn't have been so mad had they not stood around for thirty minutes during the speech checking all the bags, seeing that there was no order for me, when they could have done something about it. No, lets just wait until it's time to eat and then say "Sorry, no food for you." I didn't want whatever they had left in the bag because I had planned out what I had ordered, so I could know how many calories I was eating. Yes, I know I was being difficult, but it just rubbed me the wrong way.

I left the building after the recording session and went to find food. I had to pick up a prescription from my doctor, so I had planned to leave work during my lunch time. Of course, I have to get behind the dumbest driver on the planet. You know the one who drives ten miles below the posted speed limit, won't get out of the left lane and when you get into the other lane, they somehow manage to get in front of you and make your life a living hell. I almost ran the guy over. I was in that kind of mood.

I almost got hit walking across the parking lot at the doctor's office. I am not joking. I managed to get into the building and back to my car without being struck by any idiot drivers. I considered going home for lunch, but I knew if I went home, I wouldn't want to leave. Not that I didn't want to go back to work, I was just bitter. I think my hormone levels are all screwy.

Anyhow, I did manage to get some lunch. I ordered a ham sandwich with only mayo on wheat. I get my sandwich and it had MUSTARD on it. I do not like mustard. At. All. I thought about just eating it, but I just can't do mustard. I had to take my food back and ask them to fix it. I just hope they didn't spit in my sandwich.

I got back to work and did a few odds and ends before my next meeting, which subsequently was held in a room whose temperature was only slightly warmer than Siberia. I was completely awake for that meeting, considering I had to keep moving so I wouldn't die from hypothermia. The only thing I could think was "I want this meeting to be over so I can go out to my desk and get warm."

The rest of the day was okay. Other than the fact that I lost part of a shipment for a customer. I think I accidentally sent it to someone else. I guess someone will be surprised to get things they didn't ask for in their educational material. Hopefully, they will learn a few new things.

I went to the doctor to find out what is wrong with me. There is a good possibility I have a thyroid problem. Woo Hoo! I am seriously hoping there is no problem because my aunt, who is a nurse, told me once you are on thyroid medicine, you are on it for the rest of your life. Yeah, not really something I want to sign up for. Take me off that guest list, merci! So, I am going tomorrow to have my blood drawn by the vampires, opps, I mean the nice people at the lab. Until next time, pray my thyroid is normal and all this stuff is in my head! Diva Divine

Monday, July 28, 2008

I don't even know what to say....

I know I tell a lot of stories about things that happen at the gym, but the place is a veritable cornucopia of blogworthy-ness. Seriously, the things people do at the gym are just too good to pass up. Well this morning was the proverbial icing on the cake.

I was on the bike this morning and there was a lady on the treadmill who was obviously not a regular. I hadn't seen her before. She had about 2 percent body fat and she was running in a jog bra. So Miss 2% Body Fat gets done running and goes out to the parking lot and stands out there like she is waiting for someone to meet her. Then, she begins to do yoga poses. Okay, Miss 2% Body Fat is certifiably insane. Call the nice men in the white coats!

After doing several yoga poses, Miss 2% Body Fat comes back into the gym and goes to the weight lifting equipment. I went to the shower and kept shaking my head about her doing yoga poses in the middle of the Costco parking lot. I knew it was going to be a story I could post for all of you to read.

Well, just when you think, it's over the story only gets better. I took my shower and was getting ready when Miss 2% Body Fat walks into the locker room. She proceeds to strip down completely and parade through the locker room like it was nothing out of the ordinary. It was like she was showing off how wonderful her body looked. Yes, we all know you only have 2% Body Fat. We could tell that when you had clothes on. You really don't need to parade around nude to rub it in our faces. Yes, I probably sound like a bitter fat girl, but seriously what was she trying to prove?

Miss Look at Me I Look Amazing Naked 2% Body Fat gets into the shower and spares us from her naked parading. I was trying to get ready before she got out of the shower and started to parade around in all her nakedness again. Well, I was not fast enough and Miss 2% Body Fat whips open the shower curtain and stands there in front of the mirror naked and looks at herself in the mirror. I was trying to curl my hair, so I had to use the mirror or burn myself, and since I didn't want a big curling iron burn on my face, I had to use the mirror, Miss 2% Body Fat then announces "IF THEY SOLD TOWELS HERE, THEY WOULD MAKE A MINT!" Okay, no they wouldn't Miss 2% Body Fat, because it would increase the membership fees and the major reason most people belong to this gym is because it is a lot cheaper than the Y or other gyms where they offer things like towels. We bring our own towels and that keeps our membership at $19.95 a month! Miss 2% Body Fat, you might have a nice body, but you are not the brightest bulb on the bush.

So, Miss 2% Body Fat uses paper towel to dry her body off, in front of the mirror, nonetheless and then she gets dressed and skips out of the locker room. I was happy to see her gone. Seriously, you can be proud of the way you look and be proud of your body, but standing in front of the mirror and parading your nakedness around to all the people in the locker room like "Your body will never look as good as mine" is a little too much. I have come to like my body a little more over the last few months, but I don't parade around in front of people and say "Look at me, Look at me!" At least now I will get undressed in front of people and I don't hide behind the shower curtain. It's baby steps.

I had enough nakedness to last me for a very long, long, long time. I hope Miss 2% Body Fat doesn't come back to the gym anytime soon. I don't think I can deal with her parading herself all over. Plus, she didn't have shower shoes and you know there are ten bazillion germs on locker room floors. Until next time, Diva Divine

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Don't be a stupid!

I just got home from answering the phones at the nursing home. I then went to the grocery store and stood in line for eons because I had two too many items to use the self checkout and Kroger only opens two lanes and everyone in those lanes is buying groceries for an army and they have the two slowest cashiers on duty, too. I finally get home, 50 minutes after leaving work, and I enter the complex with caution because there are always kids running around and I really don't want to hit a small child with my car. I come around the curve and there is a group of little boys on bikes. They are in the middle of the road goofing off. I stop my car and wait for them to get out of the road. They look right at me and one of them says "Car! Get out of the road!" Then, he proceeds to go out in the middle of the road and stand there! Then he runs back to the side of the road and back out into the road again! Hello, are you a stupid??? Get the hell out the middle of the road!! Are you wanting people to hit you? For real! Where the hell is your momma? I swear, I should have gotten out and spanked that kid! Oh hells yeah! Playing out in the middle of the road like a stupid, he deserved a good spankin'! Until next time I promise not to hit any little kids with my car, but I can't guarantee I won't spank them. Diva Divine

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Bye, bye Speed Racer, So tired, What do you do with all the teacher stuff?

This morning, I was sitting out on the couch eating my daily bowl of frosted shredded wheat when I hear a commotion in the hallway. At first it sounded like Cowboy Bob hitting his boots against the floor, like he was trying to get all the dirt out of them. Great, Cowboy Bob, make a big mess on the floor! The noise continued so I went to the door to investigate. That's when I see Pothead Pete(AKA Speed Racer) carrying things out the door. Could it be, Pete was moving out? Yes, it did appear that Pete was moving out. Bye, bye Speed Racer, you and your cloud of maryjane smoke that nearly knocked me over on several occasions. I won't miss you and your huge dog who you thought it was okay to take out without a leash, even though our leases state all animals must be on a leash. I also won't miss your Speed Racer Video Game.

With the hallway commotion mystery solved, I settled down on the couch where I immediately fell asleep. I have been so tired lately I am beginning to become concerned. There is no reason why I should be so tired. I really want to do things and I have no energy. I just can't seem to drag my body out of the bed unless I know I have to do something. I am going back to the doctor this week to see if she can determine why I am so tired all the time. I have wasted the whole day sleeping because I couldn't wake up and get my body off the couch.

I am sitting here looking at my display shelf which is filled with a plethora of teacher-esque treasures. That brings me to the question, "What do you I do with all this teacher stuff?" I really have no use for it anymore. I don't want to look at it and the thought of dusting it off, well, I don't dust. So, what do you think I should do with all my teacher stuff? Do I have a "Teacher Stuff" yard sale? Do I donate it to charity? Do I just put it away and forget about it? I have no clue what to do with it.

Well, I am getting tired again and I am really hungry. I think I will have a celebratory dinner to commemorate Pete's moving out. I don't know what I have in the refrigerator. I think it will have to be something quick because I don't have the energy to hang out in the kitchen and make something elaborate. Until next time, Diva Divine

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Next time, I'll Bring My Can Opener...Stinky Makes Her Return

I got my lazy ass out of bed this morning so I could go to the gym. I made myself get up, because I have to lose this weight. Yes, I am still bitter, party of one about my weight gain. I have to be really hard on myself otherwise, I will continue to slide down this slippery slope I am on right now.

So, I get all my stuff out the door. I load it in the back of my car and as I close the rear lift gate of the car, I realize the car next to mine is really close. Like it's so close I don't think I will be able to get into my car. I get the door open, but I can't get into the car. Being the idiot I can be at 5:40 in the morning, I think I can fit my body in the space large enough for a small child, so I try to get into the car. I get my thigh in the door and then, I manage to get myself stuck. Yes, my big fat thigh stuck in my door. I almost rip my whole thigh off trying to get back out of the car. I start cussing up a blue streak and I am surprised I didn't wake up the whole apartment complex.

What idiot parks so close to the car next to them that the other person can't get into their car? Obviously, the answer to that question is the idiot who drives a White Ford Taurus and lives in my apartment complex, that's who. I stand behind my car and try to figure out what to do. I have to get to the gym. I need to get in my car. I won't fit in a space that is about 8 inches wide and I don't feel like losing my thigh trying to get in the car. Although, that would be a quick way to lose weight.

Finally, I decide to get in the passengers side of the car, crawl over the center console and into my seat. I back my car up and decide to leave my idiot neighbor a note stating "Thanks for making it nearly impossible for me to get into my car. Learn how to park!" Then, I took a picture of the person's license plate and the type of car they were driving because if they ever do something to my car, I know who to go looking for. I also know to never park near them again.

So, I make it to the gym and I get my workout in, even with part of my thigh still lodged in the door of my car. Okay, not really, but it did hurt. I was in the locker room after my workout. I hadn't seen "Stinky Girl" from earlier in the week. You know, the one who didn't take a shower after her workout. Well, I was standing at the counter putting on my make up and who walks in? You're right, STINKY GIRL! Stinky girl comes in and gets a baggie out of her locker. She comes over and washes her face. She then puts some stuff on her face, rather methodically, I might add. Then, she goes back out to the gym floor. She comes back and gets Oil of Olay out of her bag. She again, applies it rather methodically and puts her stuff back in her locker. She then starts getting ready without taking a shower! YUCK! It doesn't matter that she only has 2% body fat, she had still been exercising and if you have been exercising you need to take a shower. Plain and simple. Exercise, then take a shower.

I really want to send Stinky Girl a memo, but I don't think that is nice. Seriously, does she just not understand that you have to shower after you exercise? Did her Mom not teach her that? Did she miss that day in health class? Is she really that dumb? I hope her coworkers give her the memo, because not showering after you have been to the gym is just flat out heinous. Think of me what you want, but I'm right. Until next time, Diva Divine

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I'm a big, lazy heifer

I have been exhausted the past few days. I'm not talking just being tired, I'm talking about being lethargic. I can't seem to get enough sleep. I have been pushing myself to keep going and today, I just couldn't push anymore. I woke up at 5:00 and went to the bathroom, thinking I would just go back to sleep until 5:30. Well, the alarm went off at 5:30 and I turned it off and went right back to sleep. I didn't wake up until 5:45 and I just couldn't get myself out of bed. I kept telling myself "GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF BED AND GO TO THE GYM" but I just couldn't move. I kept trying to get up, but I just couldn't do it.

After doing this for almost an hour, I finally decided I would just stay in bed until 7:00 because I just couldn't get up and there wasn't enough time to go workout anyhow. I completely sabotaged myself this morning by not getting up and going to the gym. Did it really do anything for me to stay in bed for that extra hour and a half? No, not really because it wasn't a restful sleep. I should have gotten up and gotten to the gym.

I spent most of the day feeling so tired. Lethargic. I just wanted to go to sleep. It was awful. I kept thinking it was because I didn't go to the gym. I always feel better when I go to the gym. I sat in a conference call this morning and tried to not yawn and nod off. This afternoon, I sat through another meeting and did the same thing. I take tons of notes so I can keep my mind engaged and then there is less of a chance I'll yawn and nod off. It has nothing to do with what we are discussing in the meeting, if I am tired, I will yawn and nod off.

So, I went to the doctor for a weigh in after work. I was afraid to get on the scale because I just felt heavy. I was right, I had gained weight. I don't know what my problem is, but the scale is going up, not down. I have been working out and trying to eat right, but the last two times I have been to the doctor, I have gained weight. The first time, we just thought it was water, but now, we don't know. I am completely bummed. I thought maybe I had gained some muscle mass, maybe that is why I have gained weight because muscle weighs more than fat, but I don't know if that is the case. I think my body is completely messed up. I am just a big, lazy heifer.

After my rude awakening at the doctor's office, I came home and took a nap because my head was pounding. After my nap, I got up and had dinner and I've been just vegging out. I should have gone out for a walk, but I am sitting here on the couch on my lazy ass. No, I am not helping myself here. I have to make myself get up in the morning and work my lazy ass off at the gym. I have to get this weight yesterday. I'm taking my lazy heifer self to bed. Until next time, Diva Divine

Monday, July 21, 2008

That is NASTY...You have got to be kidding me!

One day last week I was in the locker room at the gym. Please know I am a compulsive shower person...if I sweat, I shower. I like to smell good. Sweat makes you stink. People don't want to smell stink. Anyhow, this girl comes in and gets dressed, puts on make up and continues to get ready for her day. Did I miss something, here? Did this girl just change out of her gym clothes and into her dress clothes and get ready to go to the office? I thought she had maybe she had been in the shower when I was in the shower, but I realized no one was in the other shower the whole time I was in the shower and no one had gotten in or out the whole time I was getting ready. That meant she hadn't taken a shower before she had put on her dress clothes. I'm sorry, but that is just disgusting! It's NASTY! Then, she had the nerve to look at me when I was getting ready and give me a dirty look because I guess I was taking up too much space at the counter. Well, I have news for you Stinky, I wouldn't have made space for you even if you didn't give me a dirty look because you were stinky!!

Today, I spent most of my morning running up and down the stairs getting materials for different groups who had sent me emails over the weekend. I had a few things I needed to put in orders from last Friday and I had some different things I had to finish up. I ran up and down the stairs several times. Well, just when I thought I had gotten caught up, I get this request asking for the materials we were sending out for the different events. Well, we don't send out materials for every event, the different groups have to tell me what they want to work on and I send them the materials. I email the person back and remind them they need to tell me what they need because we aren't sending out a box of materials to every group. In the past, this cost a lot of money and the materials weren't utilized. So, it was decided each group would ask for materials they would use and we would send them out.

Well, this person didn't get the memo or something because they emailed me back and said "What materials do we have to pick from? Do you have a list?" OMG! Please hit me over the head with a stick and gouge my eyes out with a sharp object. We have a whole resource book and you can find it online, too. I wanted to scream. Seriously, you have got to be kidding me! I sent the email to my boss and she got a good laugh. I told her to just beat me with a stick because I couldn't deal with it at that moment. I had to just forget about it until tomorrow, which is the great thing about my job, if something is completely getting to me, I just put it aside until I can tackle it. I will be able to deal with it tomorrow. Tomorrow I won't want to be hit over the head with a stick and have my eyes gouged out. That is the great thing about my job, I leave it when I walk at the door at the end of the day and I am ready to go back in the morning. It's amazing! Well, until next time, Diva Divine

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Sorry, I've been on Hiatus

Sorry to all my loyal readers, I've been on hiatus since Friday. I went home to see my Mom for her birthday on Friday. I was so busy all day at work Friday, I think I sat down for about 20 minutes at my desk the whole day. I did get to eat lunch, which was nice. I had a chance to relax. We had a company wide picnic and I was able to eat lunch with my boss and the CEO. That was cool.

I hung out with my Mom Friday night and Saturday. We went to dinner Friday night and visited with some people I hadn't see in a long time. I slept late Saturday morning because I was wiped out. I spent much of Friday pulling materials to ship out to people all over the world, so I was really tired. After driving two hours to my Mom's house, I was really worn out. I needed to sleep in.

We spent Saturday in the pool and cruising around in the convertible...yes, my Mom has a convertible...that was what she bought when she had her midlife crisis...a pool and a convertible. When it came time for me to drive home yesterday, I was way too tired. I asked my Mom if she cared if I stayed another night. She was more than happy for me to stay another night. I think she likes the company.

I got up this morning and drove back. I was supposed to go to a sorority function today, but I was running late and by the time I got out of the shower, I had twenty minutes to get dressed, dry and fix my hair, do my make up and get in the car. I didn't want to be in the car anymore. I had been in the car for an hour and fifteen minutes this morning on my drive back and if I went to the function, I had to be in the car for another hour. I was too tired to do that so I just decided to stay home and I fell asleep on the couch while I had laundry going. I managed to get some rest and do laundry at one time.

I went to Mass tonight, too. I know, you are all jealous because my life is so exciting. Hahahaha! I sang the psalm response tonight. I didn't get to do that very often when I sing with a group because the whole point of singing with a group is that it is a group. After Mass, someone from the congregation came up to me and told me they could understand every word of the psalm without needing to look at the words and then he told me "Your voice, it's changed, it's different, it just seems to get better." I told him I had to give the choir director credit because she had been working with me on diction and mouth shape and tongue placement when I am singing. That totally made my whole day.

Tomorrow it is back to work. I have a lot of stuff to do this week. I didn't get through my whole list last week, but I don't have much left to do, just a few things. I like being busy. It makes the time fly. My days go so quickly, which is nice. I also really like what I am doing, so that makes the days go fast, too, I had a big meeting on Friday and found out I have a big part in an upcoming training we are holding in November. I am going to go to bed early because I am still really tired. I think I had too much weekend. Until next time, Diva Divine

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My Vanity Might Be The Death Of Me

I have been called high maintenance. Now, I don't really agree with that description of myself. It almost offends me. Actually, it does offend me because well, I'm not high maintenance. Case in point, I go to the gym in the morning in whatever outfit I can find. I don't care that my hair resembles a spray of water coming out of a blowhole. If I have to worry about looking good when I go to the gym, I have too much time on my hands. I don't always wear make up. In fact, I rarely wear it on the weekends unless I have to sing at church. I like to give my skin a break. I haven't even been wearing all my make up for quite some time. I've been skipping the eye liner and mascara a lot of times, I just wear foundation and bronzer, maybe a swipe of mascara if I remember to put it on. I think the last time I wore full make up was my last job interview. If I were high maintenance, I wouldn't do those things.

However, do let me point out I like to look good. I do get my hair cut and colored every six weeks, mostly because it is short and if I don't get it cut and colored it starts to become very difficult to fix. I do like fashion, too. I am not a clothes horse by any means, but I love to look at magazines and try to buy pieces that are timeless and things I can mix and use with things I already have in my closet. I get my nails done once a month and I can't pass up a good pedicure. I don't want to go around looking like a hot mess or a fashion victim. I just don't think I am completely obsessed.

This brings me to my big dilemma of the day. I went to have my nails done last night. I had noticed three months ago my hands got really red after I had my nails done, but I thought it was from the cuticle oil they used. So, the next time, I passed on the cuticle oil and I had no problems. Then, the last time I went, I made sure she didn't use the oil on me and I thought I was okay. Then, I woke up the next morning, and my hands were red and itchy. I was in agony. I tried putting on hydrocortisone cream which helped a little, but I kept itching and I thought my my hands were going to bleed because I kept scratching them so much.

Last night I made sure there was no cuticle oil and I put on lotion as soon as I finished. I thought I was okay, until I woke up at 4:30 with my fingers on fire. I was so tired I just went back to sleep and tried not to pay attention to my itching fingers. As the day went on, my fingers have gotten more red and the itching has intensified. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I tried to keep my hands busy so I wouldn't think about it. That worked for about five seconds. I finally called the doctor to see if I could have some benadryl and not have a drug reaction with another medicine I take. I got the green light on the medicine and I couldn't wait to get to the store and get something to give me some relief.

I finally got some benadryl, but so far, I am not feeling as much relief as I would like. I think my vanity might be the death of me. I might have to cut my fingers off if I don't stop itching. I don't know if I am allergic to the stuff they used on my nails or if it just from all the filing and stuff. Maybe it's just dry skin? Who knows, but if I don't stop itching, I am going to be in trouble. I don't think I can work without fingers. I sort of need them to type and all that jazz. Until next time, Diva Divine

My Poor Fingers! My Poor Hands! My Vanity Might Be The Death Of Me!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Adjusting to Non-School Life

Today was another day of firsts in my professional life. I went in to work, looking forward to working on my big project and meeting with my boss to discuss my progress. During our morning "huddle", this man came walking down the aisle toward us. I knew I recognized his face, but I couldn't think what is name was to save my soul. Then, he says "I came to meet Diva Divine!" Okay, are you my prince charming? I extend my hand and I realize who he is...He's the CEO of the company! Not my prince charming. Inside I felt like an idiot because I didn't realize immediately who he was, but then again, I had only seen his picture. They can't expect me to know everyone, I've only been there for two days.

Okay, after the encounter with the CEO, I go back to my desk and work on my project before my meeting. I had to run to the bathroom around 9:45 and my boss came in to the bathroom when I was washing my hands. She says to me "Do you mind if we start our meeting early? I have a really busy schedule and I need a latte in the worst way. Get your stuff together and we'll have our meeting." Okay, so we will meet and then you are going to Starbucks? I'm not following here. I'm a little dense, please forgive me. Then, the big light bulb goes off in my head...We are leaving to go to Starbucks and have our meeting there. OHMYGOSH!!! I am having a meeting at Starbucks like a person in the real business world!!! Holy Smoke! I have arrived!

I have to admit, leaving the building in the middle of the morning felt almost forbidden. Like we were sneaking out or something. But in the business world, it is perfectly acceptable to go to Starbucks and have a meeting. Had I known this prior to today, I would have left the teaching world long ago. When we were in line, my boss says "So, I bet you did this all the time when you were teaching, right? Just left the school, went out for Starbucks!" I told her,"Sure, I left the building all the time!" Some days I was lucky to even get the chance to go to the bathroom in peace and quiet, let alone get to go to Starbucks. I swear, I have arrived!

I continue to be astounded at the differences between my former career and my present career. I had lunch today in the office. My first two days, I went out to lunch so I could meet the people I work with, but today I brought my lunch. I have 45 minutes for lunch. I have never had 45 minutes for lunch in my whole life. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I am so used to inhaling my food, standing up at the table, racing against the clock before I have to go pick up my students. Just being able to sit down and eat and enjoy my lunch was new to me. I didn't have to rush. It's so foreign to me, because for 11 years, I ate standing on my feet in front of a microwave, doing the pee-pants dance, hoping I could finish my lunch in time to make a pit stop at the bathroom before I had to get my students. Yet another reason I don't ever see myself going back to education.

When I got back from lunch, I had a present on my official business cards! Okay, they weren't a present, but to me they felt like a gift. I've never had business cards. I never had a need for them. Now, I can pass out my business cards like all the other business people! I feel important. Even if it's only in my own mind, I feel important.

I am still asking myself why it took me so long to leave the world of education. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy teaching for the first nine years. I never hated it, I just got to the point where I didn't love it anymore. I became a different person and the world of education changed. I wasn't ready to change with it and it was time to get out. I am glad I figured it out before I did hate teaching. I left with good memories and good experiences. I left on my own terms and that feels good. I really like what I am doing now, even when I have no clue what I am doing, I feel like I am doing something that I am proud of and makes me happy. That's the best feeling in the world. Until next time, Diva Divine

Saturday, July 12, 2008

How can I make her be quiet?

I had my hair cut today. I don't think I could have waited another day. My hair was out of control. It grows so fast in the summer six weeks is almost too long to wait between cuts. I decided to have a pedicure yesterday because my feet looked awful. I was embarrassed because my feet looked so awful. So, today was my "day of beauty."

I usually go to the "chop shop" to get my pedicures because they do a good job, they are fast and I can just sit in the chair, read a magazine and relax. When I have a pedicure, I don't want to sit and talk to someone or answer their questions. I want to relax and just veg out. When you go to the chop shop, they let you relax, read your magazine and get a good pedicure. I tend to leave a really good tip for someone who just lets me sit there and almost fall asleep. The whole idea of going for a pedicure is to relax.

This was not to be today. The pedicurist at the beauty shop was a little too chatty. Seriously, so chatty that I really wanted to tell her to shut up because she was ruining my relaxing day. She asked me all about myself, but never let me answer her questions because she would interrupt me. It was annoying. I just wanted to sit back in the massage chair and fall asleep, but Chatty Cathy wouldn't let me. I could have kicked her with my feet, but I wanted my pedicure, so I refrained from having a "muscle spasm" in my calf.

After listening to Chatty Cathy, I thought I had been saved when Kevin, my eyebrow guy, came into the pedicure room. I wanted to somehow communicate to Kevin "How can I make her be quiet??" "Can you make her shut up?" But, Chatty Cathy wouldn't shut up and just work on my feet so I couldn't get that idea across to Kevin. So, I was left with Chatty Cathy running off at the mouth and driving me crazy. I couldn't wait to get out of there because I just wanted some peace and quiet.

I came home and took a nice nap. I am so tired and I can't seem to catch up on my sleep. I had a very hard time getting up this morning because I was just wiped out. I am going to sleep in tomorrow and see if that doesn't help me out a little bit. I have to be ready to go back to work Monday and get to work on my big project. Until next time, Diva Divine

Friday, July 11, 2008

What do LPN's do?

Today was the second day at my new job and I had another really good day. I love the freedom I have working in an office. I can get up and go to the bathroom when I want, go get a drink when I need one, I can get up and move around when I get restless. It's awesome. I worked on a big document today, one of my first big projects, which needs to roll out soon. When it started to make me crazy, I just got up and walked around the office, went and looked out the window, took a bathroom break and then went back to work. Seriously, I took a five minute break and it totally made a huge difference. In teaching, there were no five minute breaks, no go walk around and clear your head, no going to the bathroom without interruption. I seriously don't know how I did it for 11 years.

I had to work my part time job at the Nursing Home this afternoon, too. I was tired, but the job is so easy, I knew I would be okay. I actually took work from my other job with me and looked over things between phone calls. I like the job at the nursing home because it's not stressful and it is sort of enjoyable. Basically, they pay me to sit and make sure people get to the right floor to see the residents, answer a few phone calls and make a few copies here and there. Yeah, not too hard.

So, I get this call today from a young girl. She sounded young. I could also hear a baby in the background. The girl asks me "Where are you located?" I tell her, giving her not only street names, but also landmarks. Then, she asks, "What jobs are on the board out in front of your building?" Okay, if you didn't know where we were, how did you know about the job board we have in front of our building? ESP? Telepathy? I told her we were looking for RN's and LPN's. Then she asks, what do LPN's do? Okay, if you don't know what LPN's do, you can't be one. I explained an LPN is a licensed practical nurse, which, you need training for and a license, hence the term, licensed practical nurse. I gave her a few of the tasks an LPN would do, and I kept telling her "you have to have training and a license to be an LPN." I don't think she go it.

Now, it's time to go to bed. I am worn out from my exciting week. I am still sleep deprived from staying at the hospital. I am going to sleep tomorrow morning and then I am going to get my hair cut and colored, my brows waxed and I am getting a pedicure because my feet look like a hot mess. I can't wait to have someone fix my janky feet. Until next time, Diva Divine

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Amazing Day

So, I started the new job today. I haven't really had time to worry about the unknown, as far as my job goes, because I have been busy worrying about my Mom and her surgery. She had a partial nephroectomy. (In normal lingo, she had a tumor removed from her kidney) I think it was a good diversion. Not so good of a diversion for my Mom, but it gave me something else to worry (obsess) about. Anyhow, I came home last night wiped out from being at the hospital since Tuesday. I am surprised patients at the hospital ever sleep because people are constantly coming in and out doing this or that, checking something, doing whatever they need to do. I probably slept 25 minutes total Tuesday night. I did manage to take an hour nap during the day yesterday, so that brought me to a grand total of 1 hour 25 minutes of sleep. Obviously, I was really ready for some sleep. I had enough time to get all my stuff packed for the gym this morning, pick out what I was wearing to work and fall into bed.

So, I woke up this morning and something felt odd. First I thought it was the fact that I was actually awake at 5:00, then suddenly, as I was brushing my teeth, I figured it out....after 114 days, my tongue wasn't numb anymore!!!!!! OMG! Finally! It's about time! I have bit it so many times I have a little spot that is hyper sensitive, but other than that, it's normal!!! Hello, can you say, best day ever?? It's like better than Christmas, and almost as good as my favorite holiday, St. Patrick's Day!

I trot my happy, non-numb tongue self to the gym after this amazing development. Yesterday my amazing trainer, Andi, gave me a new circuit workout to use at the gym. I believe she must have ESP because I was going to tell her when I went in to see her, I needed some new challenges at the gym because I have gotten bored with what I have been doing. I do my new circuit and it was amazing! Loved it! Honest to blog! Seriously, not joking, the workout kicked my butt and I was loving it. Kudos to Andi!

So, after my amazing workout, I had time to run to the hospital to see my Mom before work. I found out on the way to the hospital, the doctor had decided to release her today! Not expected, so another great thing to add to my morning. I manage to get to the hospital with enough time to get breakfast and sit and visit with my Mom. Oh, by the way, the cafeteria has really good fresh fruit for breakfast...very tasty! Again, fabulosity!

I had breakfast with Mom and I went to my new job. I get there on time, get a good parking space, and I was so excited. I get into the lobby and on the huge monitor there is a message that says "Welcome Diva Divine" the non-profit equivilent of sky writing or a billboard. Like ROCKSTAR! Total Diva Fashion! Spectacular! That's all I have to say. Spec-tac-u-lar!

Then, disaster struck. I looked in my purse and my phone was gone. Missing. AWOL. My phone has my life in it. It is an appendage. I don't know people's phone numbers because they are in my phone. I thought it had to be in my car, so I went back out looking for it...nope, not there. I was completely paniced. I thought I left it in my Mom's room at the hospital. I called my phone from my office, thinking if it rings my Mom will pick it up. I call, no one answers. I call again. No answer. I wait a few minutes and call again. I thought my Mom might be in the shower or taking a walk around the hall. I called her room and she answered. No, my phone was not in the room. I was offically in panic mode. Mom says, "I'll call your phone from my cell and see if someone answers it." Okay. When my Mom calls my phone, her name pops up...if someone had my phone, and they wanted to get it back to the owner, you would assume they would pick it up if it said MOM calling. So, she is calling and SOMEONE ANSWERS THE PHONE!!!! Oh, thank you sweet Jesus. My life is not over because I have my phone. I can be on time for meetings and appointments, I can call people, I can function normally! Seems I dropped my phone in the parking lot at the hospital. Someone found it and turned it in to Security. Crisis averted. Amazing Day saved.

The rest of the days events were a blur. I had flowers on my desk this morning when I came in! I had a basket of goodies! It was like Christmas in July! I met every person in my office, except those gone to a convention and those on vacation. I went to lunch with my team. I even did some work! I know, novel concept, working at work! Totally cool! I love the fact I can go to the bathroom without having a line of children waiting on me or rushing to get done with lunch because I had to get back to class. Yeah, I think I am going to like my job! I think I might like working in the non-school world. My boss asked me at the end of the day "Are you completely overwhelmed? Are you coming back tomorrow?" My reply was "Surprisingly, I am not overwhelmed and yes, I will be back tomorrow!" She said she hadn't done a good enough job scarring me. She would have to work harder on that tomorrow. I think after teaching for so long, not too much could really scare me.

So, today was amazing, or as I would say, Uh-May-Zing! I loved the commute took me all of 7 minutes to get 5:00 traffic! Hello! WOO HOO! The best thing, no papers to grade! No parent emails to return. No grades to enter. I can just sit and enjoy the peace and quiet. I think I might go read a book. I might go pack my bag for tomorrow. I can go to bed early. The possibilities are endless. I am going to go enjoy my peaceful evening and get ready for tomorrow, and hopefully, more fabulosity. Like I said to my Mom, don't think I am going to miss teaching at all and if I do get a little nostaligic for it, there is always Sunday Morning Religious Education to teach! Sounds like a plan. Until next time, Diva Divine

Monday, July 7, 2008

Glamour Don't....

I had to go to Target tonight to pick up a prescription. As I was walking in, this girl go sprinting past me, like almost knocked me over sprinting past me. She was obviously in a big hurry. Then, my eyes honed in on what appeared to be a turtle shell attached to her back. I had to be seeing things. People don't wear turtle shells, or do they? I was so intrigued, I had to follow the girl.

She was making 90 through Target. I do not walk slow, but she was hard to keep up with. She had to be on a mission. Perhaps it was a mission to pick up turtle food? Maybe she wanted to get home and back before anyone saw her in Target with a turtle shell on her back. Whatever she was up to, she was making 90 and I was hot on her trail.

I was in hot pursuit of Tippy the Turtle. I almost lost her when she turned the corner into domestics. I finally found her in the aisle with the sheets. I had to act like I was looking at the sheets so she wouldn't realize I was stalking her. I then took out my phone so I could snap a picture of the shell, because otherwise, no one would have believed what I had seen. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words. I managed to snap a picture of Tippy as she sprinted down the aisle. She was talking to herself, mumbling how she couldn't stand Target because she couldn't find anything. Whatever, Tippy, obviously she doesn't appreciate Target.

Yes, I know I am going to hell for taking pictures of Tippy the Turtle. I already have an engraved nameplate waiting for me at my table. I should be ashamed of myself for following her through the store, but I had to document this special Glamour Don't. Remember people, turtle shells do not make proper purses. Yes, I will reiterate I know I am going to hell, but it was a once in a lifetime experience to see a girl with a turtle shell on her back. Until my spot in hell opens up, Diva Divine

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles....Heroes in a half shell...Turtle Power!!!!

Glamour Don't!

P.S. I forgot to send shouts out to my friend and sorority sister, Carrie Jo! Today is her birthday! Happy Birthday, Carrie Jo! I will never forget your birthday...7-7-77!! DG Love to you, Carrie Jo!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Speed Racer!

I woke up this morning and went out to the kitchen for breakfast. That's when I realized I had left the cereal I bought Friday night at the grocery store in the car. I was hungry enough to trot out to the car at 8:30 in my pajamas. I have no shame, people. Seriously, nothing comes between me and food. Not even the threat of someone seeing me outside in my pajamas.

So, I walked out of my apartment and locked the door. Sure I was only running out to my car and back to my apartment, but you can never be too safe. I stepped away from my door to walk down the stairs and I hear what sounds like a race car. Okay, was I in the middle of a dream? Am I going nuts? Is my hearing going? I walked back to my door and then I realize where the noise is coming was coming from Pothead Pete's apartment.

Pete was playing video games at 8:30. Pete thinks he is Speed Racer! Too bad he doesn't have Trixie at his side. Come to think of it, Pete does sort of have that Speed Racer look going on. He does drive a car that looks like a little race car. Maybe Pete is Speed Racer undercover, living right next door to me in my dumpy little apartment. I will continue to investigate and let you know what I learn about Pete, AKA Speed Racer Wannabe! Until next time, Diva Divine, Private Eye

UPDATE: It is now 10:45 and Speed Racer has been playing his little racing game all day. Seriously, he was playing when I went to the gym. He was still playing when I got back. He was playing when I left for work and I think he was still playing when I got home after work and dinner. I bet he will be tired from all that driving....Go Speed Racer Go!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Attention: You are on thin ice!!

I had to stop at Target tonight to have my watch fixed. I have only managed to forget this for the last, oh I don't know, two weeks. Yes, my watch has been dead for two weeks and I finally managed to remember to stop today to have it fixed. Part of the reason I kept forgetting is because I haven't been wearing my watch. The other reason, well, I have been trying to save money and I haven't been going to Target because I have been known to drop several dollars there without even realizing it until I hit the checkout. Yes, staying away from Target is a good thing for my bank account.

I thought since I am starting my new job Thursday, I should get my watch fixed. I would look kind of foolish wearing a watch that didn't work. Not to mention I would be late for everything or I would have to keep my cell phone out all the time, since I have been using it for my clock since my watch croaked. I stopped at Target after Mass tonight. I went to the Target not far from my house because I like to shop locally. Okay, it was really on my way home. I went up to the counter and I used the little "I need a Target Associate" box.

Immediately, Adela, comes to help me. I tell her I need a new battery for my watch. "Did you watch here buy?" HUH? Adela doesn't speak English so well. Oh, did I buy the watch here? Yes, I bought it at a Target. This means they can change the battery for me. They only service watch brands which are sold at Target. So, Adela goes and looks for my battery while I look at all the funky jewelry. I can only look, not buy, so I couldn't get too attached. Adela starts ringing me up and I pay her for my battery. Then, I realize she didn't put the battery in my watch. It was just on the counter with my watch. Ummm, Adela, did you forget to do something? I give you my watch, you take the old battery out and replace it with the new battery and I go away a happy customer. What part of that equation did they not teach you in Target orientation?

She starts to walk off. Ummmm, excuse me, Adela, who obviously didn't get all the training in orientation, can you put the battery in my watch for me? I asked nicely. That's the whole reason I stopped at Target because they will change the battery. The back of my watch is very difficult to remove unless you have jewelers tools, which they have at Target, which is the whole reason I stopped there in the first place. This made Adela muy furioso. She was probably saying under her breath "Te di la batería. ¡Fijarla tú mismo muchacha blanca gorda!" She looks all flustered, like she has no clue what she is doing. So, she calls Penny (pronounced Pen Nay) over to help her out. Adela suddenly finds something else to do and leaves PenNay to fix my watch.

I can tell PenNay is not happy about fixing my watch. I am sure she is saying "Damn, honky, can't you fix yo own damn watch? You spect me to do it fo you, shoot girl, you lazy white gurl, you ain't good fer nuthin'." If I could change the battery by myself, I would gladly do it, but the back of my watch has to be pried off with a special jewelry tool I do not possess. Again, this is the whole reason I went to Target to get the watch fixed, because I bought it there and they will change the batteries for you.

Finally, PenNay gets the back off my watch and puts the new battery in. Then, she can't get the back put on again. It was quite an ordeal. I thought I might get a new watch out of the ordeal. I thought she was going to bust the face of my watch the way she was handling it. Somehow, by the grace of god, PenNay finally got the back on my watch and she sent me on my merry way. I am sure I was the talk of accessories when I left because PenNay and Adela were not happy to help me and I am sure they were discussing just how lazy I was for not fixing the watch myself.

This episode only makes me want to buy a "real" watch. I want to go to a jewelry store and pick out a real watch, something I can keep for a real long time, something timeless, elegant and costing more than $40.00 at Target. I would love to have a nice Tag Hauer or a David Yurman or a Cartier. Yes, I am dreaming, but it doesn't hurt a girl to dream. Until I can afford one of those, or I can find a man to bankroll it for me, I will have to stick to my cheap-o Timex. So, I just need to reitierate this point before I sign off: Attention Target Associates: You are on thin ice! Remember that the next time someone comes to get their watch fixed, Miss Adela and Miss PenNay! Okay, I'm done being mean...for now. Until next time, Diva Divine

Friday, July 4, 2008

Alex P. Keaton, Eat Your Heart Out!

I love to paint pottery and I love argyle! So, I put the two together and this is what I came up with! This is the new desk set for my new office. I thought I would create something beautiful for my new desk, because when I was teaching, I never kept anything nice on my desk for fear the kids would break it, take it or it would get lost under all the stuff the kids put on my desk. So, Alex P. Keaton, eat your heart out!!! Until next time, Diva Divine

Vicodin is my friend, it can't be your friend too, I'd rather have it as my friend, than share any with you...

I am in pain. I am a big wuss and I don't handle pain very well. My back started hurting Wednesday and I thought it was just from sleeping wrong or from the race I did last weekend. Sometimes, it takes a few days for the pain to hit me after running and pounding my feet on the ground that much. Well, the pain only got worse yesterday and by last night, I thought I was going to die. Advil wasn't even touching the pain. It was time to pull out the big guns. When I talk about the big guns, I am talking about Vicodin.

Oh, how I love me some Vicodin. I keep a few on hand for times like these. Don't get me wrong, I'm no addict, but sometimes you are in pain and the only way to keep from going insane is to have a little Vicodin. I had some left over from a really bad kidney infection. I almost laughed at the doctor when she prescribed them to me, but when I had trouble sleeping that first night because my back hurt from my kidney's, I was grateful.

Last night, I was grateful again. I took one of my little Vicodin pals and slipped into my bed. I tried to get comfortable which was hard until the Vicodin kicked in, then I was feeling no pain. I drifted off to a nice sleep just before midnight.

I woke up this morning with very little pain. My back feels a little better, but now my legs hurt, which I am quite certain, is from lifting weights yesterday. I have been hanging out on the couch today, watching a Law and Order marathon. I've been popping some Advil, which has been effective in knocking the pain. I just hope I don't have to worry about taking any meds after today. I really don't like being on anything for more than a few days. I am going to keep hanging out here on the couch, chillin' like a villain and watching some Law and Order! Have a safe and happy July 4th! Until next time, Diva Divine

Thursday, July 3, 2008


My night owl ways are going to be my downfall. I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Part of the problem is I don't have a set daily schedule, so I know I don't have to be up and any place at a certain time. I might set my alarm but I turn it off and go back to sleep. I eventually wake up and get really mad because I have wasted the whole day. I try to stay busy during the day so I might be tired enough to go to sleep at a regular time. This doesn't usually work because I either fall asleep watching television and wake up at some crazy hour, like 11:00 and then I can't go back to sleep. It's a vicious cycle.

Last night, I was all ready to go to bed. I got into bed and tried to go to sleep, but it was in vain. I finally decided at 5:00 it was silly to try to go to sleep so I got up and went to the gym. I took my time and did some weight training and a little cardio. I thought I could come home and take a little nap because I was tired after my workout. I thought that was a plan.

Well, I got home a little after 7:00 and had a little breakfast, watched an episode of "Flipping Out" I had saved on my DVR and then I took a little snooze. I made sure to keep the television on so I wouldn't sleep for a million hours and be right back in the same boat I was in yesterday. I think I slept for about an hour and a half. I woke up because the people on the Today show were annoying and my back was hurting really bad. I think those squats I did aren't going to make my buns feel anything like steel! (You get bonus points if you know the movie from which the line "my buns don't feel nothin' like steel" comes from)

Now, I am trying to find something to keep me busy. I am failing miserably. I do need to go to the library...I totally forgot all about that!! Well, that will keep me busy for about fifteen minutes. I'd love to go swimming, but considering it is raining, I kind of think swimming is out. I also need to clean my house, which in theory could take the rest of my life, but who wants to clean when you could take a nap or find something else to while away the hours?

I am going to find something to keep me occupied. Here's to breaking the vicious cycle of insomnia. I better get back on schedule before next Thursday, because I don't think my new boss will like it if I have to take a little nap to make it through the day. Until next time, Diva Divine AKA insomniac

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Do I have the right to be mad?

When I went home last weekend, I saw people I hadn't seen in a long time. Of course, when people I haven't seen in a long time see me, they don't know me and they do a double take and then they are all like "Oh my gosh!! You look so different!" I then tell them, "Yeah, it's the hair; it throws people off all the time." That is my line because I just really want to see their reaction. Anyhow, then they say "How much weight have you lost?" I tell them "Well, it's about 136 or so." Then, they say "So, which surgery did you have?" Excuse me? Who said anything about surgery? If they don't ask which surgery did you have, they look at me and you know that is what they are thinking. I always say "I've done it with exercise and diet. I don't have any scars on my you wanna see?? Okay, I don't say that to everyone, but there are times when I think I should.

That brings me to this question. Do I have the right to be mad when people automatically assume I had surgery to lose weight? It really makes me mad when people assume that there is no way a person could do what I have done with just diet and exercise. Granted, I have been working with a doctor, a trainer, a dietician and a life coach, but those resources are available to anyone who wants to spend the money. It's not like I have a trainer who works out with me everyday, I only see the trainers once every four visits to the doctor. Yes, I can email them whenever I need to, which is the case with all the people at the wellness center, but I don't have them following me around the gym every day. The dietician doesn't come to my house and fix my meals either. The doctor doesn't check in with me every day to make sure I'm still on track.

In the end, it is all up to me. I am the one who makes the decision to go the gym or to stay in bed. I was the one who had to get up at 4:30 in the morning during the school year, even when it was cold and snowy, when I wanted to just stay in bed and sleep. I hauled my butt out of bed and got to the gym. Ultimately, I am responsible for what goes into my mouth. I decide what to eat and when to eat it. It has been hard to not eat whatever I want, to pass up Taco Bell and almost all fast food, but that is what I have to do in order to make this work. This isn't just something I will do until I get to my goal weight, it is something I will have to do for the rest of my life or else I will be right back in the same place I was two years ago.

I have found myself getting very angry when I watch television shows where people have weight loss surgery. It makes me mad that people who have weight loss surgery don't have to do all the work I have had to do. Seriously, when you have surgery, the weight drops off really quickly. Granted, people who have surgery can't eat much initially, but even after they can eat, they still lose the weight a whole lot faster than someone who doesn't have surgery. I had a lady who had the lap band tell me "You can eat whatever you just have to eat is slowly. I can drink a milkshake every day if I want and I can still lose weight, I just can't eat a whole bunch at one time." They never learn how to eat, or what to eat, but they still lose the weight. When I don't eat the right combination of foods, I don't lose weight. When I don't exercise enough, I don't lose weight. If I have a milkshake, I would probably gain weight or get sick because my body isn't accustomed to all that sugar anymore. I had a handful of M&M's a few weeks ago and I nearly vomited because of the sugar rush through my system. That was a big wake up call to me "Hey, you can't eat things like this anymore because your body doesn't know how to handle it."

I will be the first to admit I am not perfect. I do like ice cream. I still get to eat it. I have some in my freezer right now. It's sugar free, made with splenda, and I have to measure out a serving when I eat it so I can account for the calories I consume in a day. I do occasionally eat out. I haven't sworn off things like pizza. I just have to know how much I can have and I have to write it down. I write down everything I eat, every day. I could tell you what I ate two weeks ago. I could tell you what I ate back in January and how much exercise I have done, because I have to write it all down to hold myself accountable.

It all comes down to accountability that is what I have had to learn during this journey, this lifestyle change; I am ultimately the one who is accountable for what I eat and how much I exercise. In the end, it is up to me and I make the choices and I am the only one to blame if I don't succeed. It's no one else’s fault but mine if I gain weight. I can't blame anyone if I don't get up and go to the gym. I think that might be the biggest lesson I have learned in all of this; if I am going to succeed in this journey, I am the only one who can be held accountable. No one put a gun to my head and made me eat myself to my highest weight. I am the one who chose not to exercise. I am the only one to blame and I have to deal with that every day of my life. I have to realize my choices, good or bad, are my choices to make and I am the one who has to live with those choices.

So, do I have the right to be mad? I don't know. We have talked about this in my Weight Loss Support Group, but we never seem to get to an answer. I guess I am tired of always having to explain to people "Yes, I really did this the old fashion way. Eat less, move more." I just want people to stop asking and making assumptions. Just be happy someone has been able to make a lifestyle change and they are healthy. I am going to get off my soapbox now. Until next time, Diva Divine