Sunday, October 26, 2008

Feeling lazy

I am sitting here on my bed when I know I have a million and one things to do right now. I should be unpacking boxes in my den and getting my house in order. I should be exercising. I should be trying to get something done before I go to the nursing home this afternoon for my shift. However, I am sitting here on my bed, typing this post because I really don't feel like doing anything else. I could so take a nap right now. It's cool outside and my bedroom is nice and dark, Bring It On is playing again and I totally get sucked in every time that movie is on. I shouldn't even turn on the television because I am so easily sucked in by anything that comes on, it doesn't matter what it is, I will watch it. I seriously suck.

I do get up and go to Mass this morning. I guess I can count that as a positive in the win column. However, I am convinced I am a magnet for oddness or people who smell really bad. For example, today this guy sits behind me and he seriously smelled foul. Yes, smelled so foul I almost had to get up and move because I thought I was going to be sick. What is it with people who stink sitting close to me? Do I have a sign on my back that says "Sit by me so I can smell your wretched ass and nearly vomit every time I inhale?" Can't people smell their own stink? Do I just have an over active olfactory system? Am I just a mean person whose heightened sense of smell only seems to get her in trouble?

At least all my clothes are hung up now thanks to Ginny and her persistence. She came over the other night and cracked the whip on my lazy ass. She helped me hang up all my clothes and unpack boxes. She also helped me take apart my table and carry it down to the garage. She is the best sister a girl could have. I am so blessed to have her as a sister! Ginny rocks!

I am going to watch Bring It On and laze the time away until I need to get to the nursing home. I will be kicking myself tomorrow when I go back to work and I still have a house that is completely unorganized. I only have myself to blame, so I know where the buck stops. Yeah, that would be with me. Until next time, Diva Divine

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

It's not even Halloween yet and I'm singing Christmas music

Tis the season to start carving pumpkins and jumping in piles of leaves. After spending last weekend in Massachusetts, I was all stoked about Fall and leaves and hot chocolate... okay, maybe not hot chocolate because I think I drank too much of that last weekend and I am really sick of it right now, but I was digging the whole fall thing. Then, I came home and realized I had to start Christmas Choir practice on Tuesday! Yikes! Tuesday!! Yes, that would be Tuesday, October 21st. That is a full 66 days before Christmas (in case you were wondering). That is insane. Normally, we wouldn't start practice until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. However, this year we are recording a CD and if we want to have it available for purchase before Christmas, we must have it recorded by early November which means we have to start practicing now.

Let me tell you how odd it is to sing about Christmas and the baby Jesus and snow and wise men when the leaves are just starting to turn colors. It's more than odd, it's downright disturbing. I swear, it seems like only a few weeks ago that we were singing this music for Christmas Eve and now, it's time to get it all out again and prepare for all the hoopla again. It's bad enough when the stores go from 4th of July merchandise to Back to School stuff, straight into Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas all at the same time. Before you know it, we will just have Halthanksmas--- complete with ghosts, goblins, and witches riding on the backs of turkeys looking for the Baby Jesus who is dressed in his Hathanksmas garb chillin' with Mary and Joseph who are gnawing on turkey legs and stuffing next to the manger watching some football on their flat screen television. What a sight that would be to behold. I think we should throw in a few fireworks for good measure, just to liven things up a bit.

I think we have become such a commercialized, consumer driven society we have forgotten the significance of these holidays and why we celebrate them. It's like we can't wait to get the kids back in school so we can decorate the pumpkins and then before we even have the pumpkin carved, we are already moving on to Thanksgiving and turkey, time off school, and then before the bird is even in the oven, we are shopping for Christmas and decorating the tree and making New Year's Resolutions because that is how the commercial world treats those events, just stuff them down our throats and entice us to buy all the stuff you think we need, before we need it because if you wait to buy it when the holiday actually gets close, you are out of luck because the commercial world has already moved on to the next holiday.

I remember as a child that it took forever for Halloween to arrive once we started school. Back in those days, school didn't even start as soon as it does now. We actually didn't have as much time to wait as kids do these days. And then, it took a long time to get to Thanksgiving and the first long break from school. Forget about Christmas, that was only a glimmer in our mind's eye because it might as well have been a million light years away because it took forever to arrive and was over too soon. Now, maybe because I am older and times goes quicker, the days fly by me so quickly, I don't have time to catch my breath between blinks of my eye. So many things happen so fast and we, as a society, never slow down to enjoy them because it is always rush, rush, rush, you must get from point a to point b to point c and if you don't do it fast enough, you get left behind.

Maybe I am old fashioned and I just want to take things easy and enjoy the simple life and go back to a time when things weren't so busy, but I doubt I am the only person who feels like the world is moving so fast, if I blink I will miss something. I think there are times when all of us feel a little like that and we wonder what would happen if just stopped it all and refused to buy into all the commercial marketing and pressure. However, that really isn't an option because we are an instant gratification society and now, now, now is the only speed we know.

So, I had my first Christmas Choir practice last night and I am getting myself ready for Advent. Yes, they completely skip Advent. The time when we should be waiting in stillness and quiet, we are rushing all around making sure Aunt Carol has the right size sweater and Missy Jane will get her favorite dolly under the Christmas tree. We don't even stop to wait and remember who we are waiting for and what we are really celebrating. It's all about getting on to the next event. It never ends.

I've done enough ranting for one day. I am still wiped out from the weekend. I think it is time to go to bed. Until next time, Diva Divine

Monday, October 20, 2008

I conquered the log!

I went to camp last weekend, which I told you all about in my previous post. I am still boy stupid, that has not changed in 24 hours. That may never change because I have been boy stupid all my life.

Moving on from that, I have to tell you about the log. Picture this, you are walking through the woods at a camp and there is a rather large log suspended about six feet in the air between two trees. The guide tells your group "Everyone in the group has to get to the other side of the log." Being the smart ass I am, I say "So, I can walk under the log?" Um, no, everyone must go over the log. Okay, did I mention to you I am terrified of heights? Yes, standing on anything taller than a chair and I start hyperventilating. Me, going over a log, six feet in the air is probably not going to happen. However, being at camp, you can't just say "I'm not doing this!" Especially in front of a group of teenagers who are doing this activity. All weekend you work on building trust and team building skills and telling them "Sorry, I don't do heights", really isn't an option.

So, we start getting people over the log. Of course the first few weigh absolutely nothing and we do cheerleader stunt lifts to get them over the log. Then, it comes to one of the other girls, who is a little bit bigger. She was so scared to get over the log. She kept telling them "I will hurt one of you." I wanted to tell her "Honey, I've been the biggest girl in the group my whole life-- don't let this hold you back." Everyone encouraged her and we got her over the wall. One of the other tiny ones goes over and then it's my turn. I suddenly want to run away as fast as possible. I am so scared I can't talk. I can't back out now. I somehow get my big ass on the log--although my short little legs nearly kept me from doing it because I couldn't get up there without help. Then, I didn't know how to get down. I was terrified of falling and breaking my leg. I was frozen on that log and I couldn't move. About then, I seriously wanted to die or be plucked off the log by some massive bird, but the chances of that happening were slim to none. I couldn't move and I couldn't figure out how to get down. I was stuck. How do you explain to a group of teenagers "I am too stubborn to just drop down off this log because I have to be in control at all times?" Yeah, that's the break through I had Saturday. I have always been stubborn, but I finally realized just how stubborn I really am. I have to be in control of EVERYTHING or else I want nothing to do with it. I can't just let go and let someone else take care of it. I can't depend on other people because I don't trust that it will get done. Not that I don't think other people will do a good job, it's just that I have always had to be very independent and giving up control of things to other people and depending on them to help me out isn't something I have had to do much and now, I can't do it at all.

I finally started to get very weak and my arms were hurting so badly I started to drop off that log. Suddenly, I had to give up the power and the control. I dropped to the ground and the kids caught me. I didn't fall and die or break my leg. Seriously, it was a huge ordeal. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or do both simultaneously. After we were all done, I had to go take time by myself because I had to process the whole event in my mind. It was a lot to handle and a lot to deal with. It wore me out mentally and the only way to work through it was to go sit by myself and just think and write. It was a very moving experience.

So, I conquered the log and lived to tell all about it. I learned I have so much growing to do and I have to learn to let go. It's a process and I have to be open to that process in order for it to work. I have a lot of "logs" to get over in my life. I just hope I'm smart enough to figure out how to get over them without giving up. Until next time, Diva Divine

The Diva and the Log. Score: Diva 1 Log 0

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I can't pack!

I am going to a work event this weekend. I fly out tomorrow morning and I am still not completely packed. Some people would tell me to just throw some stuff in a suitcase and go, but I agonize about what I should take so I am still not packed. It really shouldn't be that hard since most of the stuff we are doing is outside and I don't have to dress up or look all fabulous, but I am still worried about either taking too much stuff or not taking enough. I feel like an idiot. I am getting picked up at around 6:30 which means I will probably be packing up my suitcase for good at around 6:25. I will forget something I need. I will take things I don't need. I will realize there were things I should have taken with me and kick myself for not bringing those things. I need a personal assistant to keep me in line and to pack my suitcases for me. Until next time, Diva Divine

Monday, October 13, 2008

Because I’m not completely heinous... at least not all the time. What happens at Homecoming, stays at Homecoming, unless Ginny brings her camera

Many people probably think I am completely heinous because I tend to be quite snarky. Yes, I have a sharp tongue and I get rather mouthy from time-to-time, but really I am a nice person…. Most of the time. Okay, some of the time. In my effort to show all of you I am not completely heinous I wanted to pass along a recycling opportunity or two. Nike has a Reuse-A-Shoe program called Let Me Play ( The program accepts old sneakers, of any brand, and recycles them into courts for various sports so kids around the world have a place to play. You can drop your shoes off at a Nike store, other participating retailers, athletic clubs, and schools around the country (check the website for locations near you), or mail them to Nike Recycling Center, c/o Reuse-a-Shoe, 26755 SW 95th Avenue, Wilsonville, OR 97070. If your shoes still have some life left in them, consider donating them to needy athletes in the US and around the world through Mail them to One World Running, P.O. Box 2223, Boulder CO 80306.

I went back to my alma mater this past weekend for Homecoming. I still can’t get over the fact I graduated college eleven years ago. I feel like an old lady and from the way the current students looked at the alumni, I might as well been pushing my walker and having my nurse wipe drool from my chin. Yeah, that is no way to treat your alums, you ungrateful little twerps. Do you realize I had to sleep in a dorm that didn’t have air conditioning for two years, that’s two move-in days with sweat pouring from places I don’t want to think about sweating and two move-out days with more sweat? Do they realize I lived in the basement of said un-air conditioned dorm and nearly got flooded out during a rainstorm? Oh, no they don’t know anything about those days because they tore that dorm down, a year after I graduated, and built a nice new, coed dorm with air conditioning, nice furniture, huge fireplaces and decent bathrooms.

All I got for those first two years were many sweaty nights, even sweatier days and the smell of Downy dryer sheets and burnt popcorn coming from our antiquated kitchens that dated back to 1940. Seriously, the dorm had the original appliances. And they wondered why people didn’t stay in the dorms? Duh, why take your life in your hands and risk losing your possessions when the place could catch fire the next time Sloshy Suzy decided to whip up another batch of Mudslides for Buzzed Bambi and Liquored-up Lucy before they went off to a fraternity party because their blender short circuited the entire electrical system? I think I had exactly two plug-ins in my room freshman year and that was for two people. Yeah, not real great when you both have five things to plug in, not to mention you had to have four fans going all the time to keep the place below 100 degrees. This lead to us having two power strips apiece, which completely overloaded the electrical system and could have sent the place up in flames faster than the blender that belonged to Suzy, Bambi and Lucy, but at least I wasn’t concocting alcoholic beverages to get my under-aged sorority sisters nicely polluted. I had to have enough plug-ins for my hairdryer, radio and potpourri pot. Yes, I was a geek. I admit it. I probably would have had more fun had I been hanging out with Suzy, Bambi and Lucy my Freshman and Sophomore years, but we live and we learn.

I got lucky and managed to get a room in the exclusive Senior Dorm my Junior year. That’s called “I-took-so-many-credits-so-I-could-graduate-in-four-years-I-am-a- Junior-with-Senior-Standing-after-my-Fifth-Semester.” The Senior Dorm had air conditioning, real bathrooms, sinks in the rooms and nice furniture that didn’t have things carved into it like “Elvis Slept Here” and “Pat Dunbar is a Fox!” I am serious about the Pat Dunbar thing. That was written in the elevator, let me rephrase that, the scary freight elevator that we took to move things up to the 3rd floor or the 2nd floor or sometimes just for the hell of it. It had a wooden gate you had to raise and lower when you used the thing. I swear it was right out of an old movie. I am surprised someone didn’t die on that thing…. There was the rumor about the girl who died in that dorm maybe the elevator did get her? It did have a funky smell come to think of it.

Anyhow, back to Homecoming. I got to see lots of people I hadn’t see in years. I hung out with my sorority sisters (to which I never contributed to their drinking habits……. Keep quiet about that late night run to CVS LE and KS when I took these “lists” given to me by anonymous people, otherwise, well, you won’t want to see what the Diva will do☺) Ginny rode with me and we got caught up from her trip to Ireland and Wales for the last two weeks. She even brought my shillelagh and lots of other good stuff. We walked around and went to all the buildings and saw all the changes they had made, went to the bookstore and bought stuff that is still overpriced (good to know some things never change), and took pictures of ourselves in several questionable poses with the school’s namesake. Seriously, when you put a huge statute of the namesake sitting on a bench, you are only inviting people, like nutty alumni and drunken college students, to take suggestive pictures with said namesake. Don’t tell me that didn’t run through their minds when that statue and bench were put out there. If it didn’t, they were dumb because that was the first thing that would have gone through my head “How long will it take for us to see suggestive pictures with the namesake pop-up on social networking sites and other places on the internet?” But, then again, my mind is not so stable and I think of the most random stuff.

I had to have my picture taken on the namesakes lap, then giving the namesake a kiss and finally, doing something suggestive to the namesake because, well, again if you put it out there, it’s bound to happen. Of course, Ginny had to pose, too. She said to me “Namesake is HOT!” I thought she meant hot, like Paris Hilton means hot, but she clarified it by saying “No! I mean hot, like burn you hot!!!!!” Yes, it seems that the namesake statue is a conductor of heat and the temperature was above 80 and the sun was beating down on the said statue all day. Hot was an understatement. More like give you second degree burns upon contact. I think my arm still has a big red splotch from my brief contact with the namesake statue.

After frolicking around campus, we decided to go to our favorite college over 21 establishment where friends meet. We were walking back to my car (which I parked on the president’s lawn… I wasn’t the only one) when we pass these guys sitting on the back of their truck. I think I would have to classify them as boys because they seemed really young, or then again, maybe I am just really old. I don’t even think they were students or even alums. I think they were just there to drink. Why would you be tailgating on the President’s Lawn, which is really nowhere near the football field and you can’t see the game. Yeah, you can’t tell me they were there for the game. So, Ginny and I walk by and they say “Hello Ladies!” We said hello and kept walking. “Where you going?” To get our drink on. “Oh, then come back here!” No, not on your life. You are drinking Old Milwaukee on the back of your pick-up truck, which is parked on the President’s Lawn. I don’t want to come and drink with you just so you can ogle my goodies and think I might actually do more than just let you look at my “fun bags.” I have a degree from this fine, fine college and sitting on the back of your pick-up truck downing beer and letting you feel me up is not my idea of fun. Besides, you probably only really want me to go get you more booze because you aren’t old enough to buy it for yourselves and those days are over, mister. Nope, sorry, going to meet my sisters at the fine establishment when friends meet. Perhaps another time??? Not!

And I wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend? Hmmm. Shocking, I know.

All in all, Homecoming was a fun experience, especially because I had Ginny there to crack me up every five seconds. I loved the walk down memory lane. Fun times I tell you, fun times. I am loving my bookstore purchases. I will be living in my lounge pants for years to come. I have to wear them for years to come to get my monies worth out of them! I will be taking them this weekend on the trip I am making for work. Most likely, they will have to pry them off my body every day because that is how comfy they are. And yes, the pictures from Homecoming are posted on a social networking site for all the world to see. See if I had been on that statue committee things like this wouldn’t happen, but I’m not and now there are suggestive pictures of the school namesake out there for all the world to see. Oh well, I’ll just say I had been getting my drink on, even though that didn’t happen until well after those pictures were taken, because really, who could resist getting naughty with the statue of your alma mater’s namesake. You put it out there like that and you are only asking for trouble and suggestive pictures. At least we had all our clothes on! Until next time, Diva Divine

Bring on the noise, leave out the funk

I just got home from the gym. I should be in the shower, but I had to write about this while it was still fresh in my mind. I get to the gym this morning, all ready to listen to some tunes on my iPod. I get my headphones on, loop them through my shirt and down my arm, plug them into my iPod and.... Nothing!!!! I make sure it's not in the "hold" position. No, it's on. I hit the menu button again. NOTHING! I do everything I know, but still NOTHING. I left my headphones on because I figure it would keep some of the noise out from people who just talk and don't workout.

I went back to stretch out after my warm up. I came back to do some cardio when I catch a whiff of some shittastic funk. Seriously, it was so foul I almost threw up in my mouth a little bit. I know I smell something fierce when I get done with my workout, but when I get to the gym, I don't smell too bad. This person brought that funk with them. That was left over from the weekend funk. That was I don't shower and then I come and sweat funk. Yuck! Leave that funk at home. Nobody wants to smell that funk.

I have to get my funktastic self in the shower so I can get to work and not take my funk with me. No, I am not going to go to work and smell all funky and jank the place up! No, I am a clean Diva! Until next time, Keep the noise, and leave the funk! Diva Divine

Update: I forgot to tell you all I had to listen to Boy George this morning at the gym. Seriously, Boy effing George at 6:10 in the morning, that is just torture. Come on people take him off the playlist! Sorry to offend any BG fans out there, but BG not my cup of tea. And just to let you all know, my iPod battery died. Probably from getting switched on in my purse and playing since, ummm, Saturday. I am charging it up so I can rock out tomorrow. TTFN, DD

Friday, October 10, 2008

Give the people what they want…I’m bringin’ janky back…don’t make me have to cut you…Ginny is back, let the shillelagh hitting begin!

I know I have not been so consistent about blogging lately. I have been trying to get my apartment in order, which seems to be a losing battle. I can’t get the boxes unpacked and I am not at all motivated to get it done either. When I get home at a normal time, I want to sit down and enjoy myself. Kick off my shoes, put my feet up, watch some television, and relax. I sort of put off writing until it is too late and I have to get my large butt in bed. I have stuff I know would entertain all of you, but I’m too tired to get it out there. Then, there are times when I am busy. I make it home in time to eat dinner, shower and go to bed. Usually in that order.

So today, I got a message from Carrie Jo telling me I need to write more because “working too much is not an excuse!” Which I know was said in jest. I guess it all comes down to remembering this “Give the people what they want”, which is what I always saw right before we go out to sing at Christmas. I do some dumb little dance and clap this stupid rhythm and say “Give the people what they want!” But it’s true. You have to give the people what they want. If you want blog entries, blog entries you will get.

I also got a comment today from someone applauding my use of the word Janky! I love the word janky and all the derivatives I can invent! So, I am going to do my best at bringin’ janky back, ‘cause if Justin can bring sexy back, then I, the Diva, can bring janky back!

I am sitting at the nursing home right now and I swear some of these people want me to cut them. This one guy keeps messing up the door and I am seriously going to knock him into next week! He is a little shit, it wouldn’t take much to knock him out! The other day, some lady almost tore the door off the hinges because she wouldn’t read the sign that said “Push the red button to release the lock” or listen when I said “STOP!!!!!” When I let her in she looks at me and says “That door sticks!” No nimrod, it is locked and you have to push the red button to get in, which you would have known if you had read the sign! Here’s your sign!!!! Come to find out, she was at the wrong nursing home! That made me want to beat her even more!

This morning I used the gym at my apartment complex for the first time. I figured no one would be there, but I was wrong. I walked up to the door and put my key in and I could hear the television…outside. This guy had the television up so loud, you could hear it OUTSIDE!!! WTF? Are you deaf or something? I nearly went deaf just walking in. The volume was up so loud, I couldn’t ask him to turn it down because he wouldn’t have heard me. It was awful. I put my iPod on and tried to drown it out, but it was so loud, that was impossible. Deaf Boy finally left, but before he did, he asked me (over the blaring television) if I wanted to keep the television on? HUH? WHAT DID YOU SAY? NO, TURN IT OFF!! Hell, just turn it down so I can hear again. I should have cut him! Dumb, deaf ass boy!

Ginny has been in Ireland. I sent her a text and told her I wanted a shillelagh. So, she is bringing me back a shillelagh I can use to hit people. I can’t wait! Shillelagh law rules!!!!! I will take the shillelagh with me to the nursing home and hit people who can’t read the sign on the door. That sounds like a plan!! Until next time, Diva Divine

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sick and wrong....

I am trying to get my house in order. So far, I am not doing such a good job. I have only managed to make more messes. I went to Wal-Mart tonight to pick up shelf paper for my cabinets. I picked up some little organizing gadgetry for my cabinets, too. I was so excited to get things organized I came home and went right to work. The only problem, the stuff won't fit in my cabinet. Are you kidding me? The hanging basket for cups, nope. The duel shelving units, nope. The only thing that did fit was the three tiered spice rack. And really, it doesn't do all that much for me. It just keeps me from losing the little jars in the cabinet.

So, I start looking in the den and going through my shoes. I have a thirty gallon tote full of shoes and that is not the only tote I have with shoes in it. That my friends is what you call sick and wrong. No one, and I repeat, no one needs that many pairs of shoes. It was too overwhelming to deal with the shoe issue, so I had to leave the shoes for another day. Another project abandoned.

I have managed to bring in a few things from the car or the garage the past two days. I guess I will have to count that as a victory. Albeit, a small victory. I found my silverware and dish washing soap. I loaded the dishwasher last night and I have clean dishes. Of course, they are still in the dishwasher. Well, I was on a roll there for a minute.

I really could stay home and work all day and maybe get stuff in order, but that isn't really an option. I might have some time on Saturday, but I have some things planned for the afternoon and evening. I work Sunday afternoon and then it is time to go back to my real job on Monday. I leave for Massachusetts two weeks from Friday. I have to get this place in order so I can deal with my life and get myself organized. I think it might be a good idea to just throw out the boxes and start all over again. I could buy all the stuff I like that is new now and forget about the old junk. Yeah, don't really think that is such a good idea because that would get very expensive.

So, I am going back to the kitchen and I am going to try to get my stuff in order. I might end up being on the eleven o'clock news "Nonprofit worker goes postal on kitchen cabinets and rips them off walls. Film at eleven." Until next time, Diva Divine