Shalonda you were so wrong!

I went to the eye doctor today for a check up. I hadn’t been in about a year and a half and I had some sneaking suspicion my prescription had changed because it was becoming more difficult to see small print. I thought it could just be the fact that I don’t change my contacts as often as I should, but even when I would change them, things would only get better for a day or two and then I was straining my eyes again to see. I was also concerned about my lack of depth perception, which was pointed out to me when I failed that section of my physical with Shalonda back in July. I thought Shalonda was full of sh…. well, you get the picture, but I still had it in the back of my mind that I was having trouble with my vision.

I had gone to the same eye doctor since I was seven years old. I was one of his first patients when he finished med school. But, now that I am living over a hour from his office and paying $3.53 a gallon for gas, my loyalty flew out the window when I realized I could go to an eye doctor who was a mere five minutes from my house. I do feel a little bit like a traitor, but I am really not in the mood to drive all that way just to see my old doctor and have the same exam I could have done by any eye doctor.

I picked an eye doctor who is in a group of several doctors. The company has several offices all over the city, so even if my doctor wasn’t able to see me in an emergency, there would be other doctors in the group that I could go to. The group has been in practice for several years, so I felt comfortable going to see the doctor because if you say the name of the group, people automatically know what you are talking about and their reputation is very good. They are also locally owned by the same family who started the practice so they aren’t going anywhere. Not to mention they have really funny television commercials. Oh course, that is no reason to pick one doctor over another, but advertising does make a big difference and play a roll in those types of decisions, even if we don’t want to admit it to ourselves or anyone else for that matter.

So, I went in for my exam and it was the most complete eye exam I had ever had before. They tested me for glaucoma, cataracts, they measured this and took pictures of that, I had five tests before I ever went into the exam room. I then had to read the eye chart and all those fun things you do when you go to the eye doctor. I made sure I told the person doing the different exams on me that I had failed the depth perception test in July. She said “Well, that’s funny because you passed the one I just gave you here!” So ha, Shalonda! I am not a big depth perception test failer. Stick that in your peace pipe and smoke it Shalonda! Boo yeah!

When the doctor came in she says to me “I see your prescription shows you are…” she was trying to find a nice way to say blind. I said to her “blind?” “Not blind, but it’s really strong.” That’s a nice way of saying blind. I had to do all those tests where they put the different lenses in front of your eyes and ask “Which one is better, one or two?” That test makes me nervous because I am afraid of picking the wrong one and getting a bad prescription. This time it didn’t seem as hard to find the one that looked better, so I knew my eyes had changed. I love being blind.

I asked the doctor about failing the depth perception test and she explained why I had such difficulty. Since I am so nearsighted, my brain doesn’t see things like everyone who is not nearsighted. My eyes can’t focus on things together, they have to do it one at a time, so when things are at different depths are difficult for me to discern. My brain wants to use both eyes together to determine the depth of things, but my eyes can’t do that so, it sends the wrong message to my brain and that is why I can’t see things in varied depths. So, I didn’t really fail the test, it was because my eyes are so screwed up! Again, suck on that one, Shalonda!!!

After my exam, the doctor told me my prescription had changed and I am now -8.0 in one eye and -7.50 in the other. I guess it’s not really that bad considering my prescription hadn’t changed in about 10 years. So, I got new contacts and I can see a lot better now. These are probably the most comfortable contacts I’ve had ever. Even if I can now be called “Blind Betty”…until next time, Diva Divine

Annoyed

I had to run a conference call today, the first one I have ever done on my own. I had to also use an online web meeting tool because we were editing a document and everyone needed to see it. I was a little apprehensive about it because you never want to look like a dumb ass in front of people, especially online and especially when you are new at a job. My boss was supposed to be there with me because she was supposed to be in on the editing too, but she ended up bailing out on me. Well, things were okay until one of the people's cell phones died and all they had was internet access. Then, I mentioned we could chat with her via the web tool and that is when things went south. The two people who were offsite started chatting to one another, in a private chat and weren't paying any attention to what we were supposed to be doing. When I called them on it, because I could see the chat icon going when nothing was coming up on the screen, they were all like "We aren't chatting....." Oh, so that icon is going on and off all by itself? Are you f-ing kidding me? Do you think I am a stupid? You can waste your own time, but I really don't have time to waste waiting for you to comment on something we are getting paid to work on. I had a ton of work on my desk that was piling up and I had to spend two hours doing something that could have been done in an hour if they hadn't been messing around. Whatever! Don't make me go all Diva on your asses!

I think today was just not my day. I have been trying to return this lady's phone call for a week. I have left her messages and she won't call me back. She won't call me back, she will only call my boss. Guess I'm not good enough for her to talk to or important enough. Okay lady, when I give you my number and say I need you to call me, you better call me or at least tell my boss I had left you messages. No, the lady doesn't tell her this, so I look like a dumb ass who doesn't do her job. I emailed her today and said "We've been playing phone tag. Please email me or call so I can get your information to you." What does she do? She calls my boss again!!! AYFKM??? I didn't know if I should cry or scream. Possibly both. I tell my boss, over the cubicle wall after she gets off the phone, "That lady is seriously making me mad. She won't return my calls or my emails. She is making me look like I didn't do my job." So, I emailed her the information she wanted and if she calls back and says she didn't get it, I will have to go all Diva on her ass because I have the email delivery receipt to prove I did send it and it was delivered.

We do these things called "huddles" with our team everyday. We talk about what we are working on and stuff like that to keep everyone up to date. I have an awful short-term memory and I have to have a list. Anyhow, I go through my stuff and my boss butts in and more or less says that I shouldn't be going over my things I am doing and then proceeds to make me feel like a dumb ass in front of everyone. Especially when everyone else does exactly what I do in the huddle every morning and they don't get jumped for it. I really wanted to cry. I just think it wasn't my day.

Now, I am sitting in bed with my knee propped up on a pillow because it is hurting. I should be asleep, but I couldn't fall asleep so I got up and turned on my computer hoping writing all this out would help me get over it and be able to fall asleep. I have so many things that are really eating at me and adding this to those things isn't helping matters. I want to sit down and just cry, just try to get it all out, but I can't. There are times when I have unpleasant thoughts. Sometimes they are fleeting thoughts and other times, they last longer. I have worked so hard to push those thoughts away, but I can't do it all the time and when things start going wrong in other areas, it becomes increasingly harder to keep it all together. I try so hard, but I am just not strong enough. I just need to get my life together or get my head on straight.....until next time, Diva Divine

What part of health class did these people miss?

Everyone knows how I am about showering after being at the gym. Well, it seems some people missed the part of health class when they talked about that subject. I had this feeling a girl at the gym wasn't showering, but I wasn't sure. Today, I had confirmation she doesn't shower. I got out of the shower and I saw her get her stuff out of the locker. I thought she was leaving. However, I was wrong because just as I was finishing getting ready she comes back in dressed and she gets her coat out of the locker, puts it on and leaves. Unless she is Superwoman and gets dressed in phone booths, she didn't shower before she left for work and she was dressed for work. She had been in the tanning bed (don't even get me started on that.... she is stinky and will have skin like a leather boot in ten years) and got dressed in there! GROSS!!! Not only did she sweat when she worked out, but she was probably sweating in the tanning bed. I really don't get it... what's so difficult about showering after sweating?? I want to post a sign that says "Shower after you workout because no one wants to smell your nasty ass body odor all day at work!" Do you think I could get away with that? Let me know.... Until next time, please shower after you sweat, Diva Divine

Who Knew??

I emailed my boss yesterday about not finding a sugar daddy at the wedding on Saturday. I also told her about the old geezer who was oogling my goodies. She wrote back and told me letting an old geezer oogle your goodies was community service. I saw my new neighbor yesterday. I think she is Velma from Scooby Doo. Who knew? Until next time, Diva Divine

No sugar daddies to be found....stop oogling my goodies you pervert....Am I weird???

I went to the wedding Saturday in all my fabulosity. My dress looked good, especially with my pink shoes and my little black purse. My hair cooperated, thanks be to God, and I remembered I had glittery hairspray, so I used it to add a little shine to my hair and also to my shoulders and back. (That’s what happens when you spray the stuff, it doesn’t all stay on your hair, it falls on your back and shoulders and on the counter top and the magazines you have on the floor and….) I managed to remember my jewelry and I got out the door on time! Sometimes, that is a feat in and of itself.

The wedding was very beautiful. I loved the dresses the bride had chosen. Everything was very simple and very elegant. Everyone loved our music. It was a good day all around.

The reception didn’t start for almost two hours after the wedding and since I wasn’t about to drive back home and I was too dressed up to go to Target to kill time, a group of us went down to the reception venue and had drinks. This was also good because it ensured that I got a good parking spot. Even though my heels were very comfortable, I didn’t want to walk half a mile both ways just to get there. Did I mention it was 92 degrees yesterday? Yeah, I wasn’t about to walk a half a mile in 92 degree heat in my dress and heels. No merci! The Diva did not sign up for that foolishness.
So, we were all sitting at this big round table, having drinks and appetizers when this older couple walks in and is seated at this table next to ours. The lady had her back to us and the guy was looking right at us. He sort of gave me the creeps, but I was willing to let it slide because I was sipping a nice big Midori sour and getting buzzed. Then I notice the creepy old guy keeps looking over and staring at me and my chest. Hello, you old pervert! Stop looking at my goodies! They aren’t even real. You would be mad if you realized they were chicken cutlets.

It totally set me off. Perhaps it was the alcohol which really helped to make the situation seem more like a big deal than it was, but the guy wouldn’t stop looking over at me and I don’t think he was looking at me because he thought I was cute or he liked my dress. He was looking at my boobage! Yuck, you old geezer! Stop oogling my goodies! You dirty old pervert!
So, after being oogled my some dirty old pervert for the better part of an hour, we went into the reception hall so get our seats. We had no sooner gotten our seats and sat down to chat when Mr. Pervert and his Oblivious Wife walk in and are seated at the table right next to ours!!!! You have got to be kidding me! He is going to oogle my the entire time I am at this reception, too? Oh, hell-to-the-no! My alcohol buzz had worn off by this time, so I was ready to rumble. Lucky for me, the person seated in his line of site was taller than him and he couldn’t stare at me any more. Had that not happened, I’d probably have gone over and kicked is old geezer ass because he had no reason to keep looking at me. I wanted to yell at him and say “Hey, asshole, they’re not even real!! So stop looking at them! You can buy your old cranky wife a pair at Wal-Mart if you like them so much!”

This brings me to a question. All these people yesterday were all teary eyed and weepy at the wedding and the reception when they were giving the toasts. I am sure part of it is because they had known the groom since he was a little kid, but that can’t be all of it. Why do people cry at weddings? It’s supposed to be a happy time. It’s the start of a new life for two people, a new family is being formed, it’s a happy occasion. Why the tears? I think if you are crying you are sad they are getting married and that is not a good thing. I have been to a lot of weddings and I don’t cry. I think I am a freak because I don’t cry at weddings. I think I am not normal because I don’t cry at weddings. What’s the answer? Normal? Abnormal? Please discuss and let me know. Maybe I can conjure up some tears for the next wedding? Until next time, Diva Divine

Vengeance, sweet vengeance

I went to get my haircut today. Before you get all technical, I had all my hairs cut, not just one. Yes, I am a smart ass. Better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass. If you recall, the last time I went to have my hair cut, I had a pedicure as well and it was a less than stellar experience. The pedicurist wouldn't shut her mouth, she offended me by making a comment about my hair cut and the pedicure wasn't the best one I've had in my life and I have had a lot of pedicures in my life. I had something to compare the experience to.

So, back to my story. I went to get my hair cut and I had decided to tell my stylist how offended I was by the pedicurist the last time I was in the salon. She just really rubbed me the wrong way. I expect if I am paying for a service, I should not have to be offended. She had to be told you don't treat customers that way, especially someone who has been a customer for several years. I am known for tipping well and I have never been dissatisfied with the service I have gotten, until six weeks ago when Chatty Cathy had to be a total byotch and ruin the perfect record.

I had it all worked out in my mind how I was going to tell my stylist that Chatty Cathy had offended me the last time I had been in and that he really should talk to her about her client interaction skills. Well, when I went in Chatty Cathy was just lounging in one of the chairs, chatting to someone who was getting their hair cut.... imagine that! I couldn't tell my stylist about her while she was sitting there. Ah! Chatty Cathy is like that pimple that won't go away!

I thought I would tell him after he put the color on my hair, but when I went to sit down and wait for my eyebrow wax, she was still hanging around. I was sitting there, reading a magazine when she has the audacity to come up and ask me if I wanted a manicure or pedicure while I was waiting. Are you f-ing kidding me?? Seriously, I should have just busted her balls right there, but I decided to be a grown-up and politely say "no." Then, my stylist and my eye brow guy, come back to the desk and start talking. I was going to go back and talk to them, since they own the salon, but then Chatty Cathy, like a bad cold, wouldn't go away.

I really was engrossed in my magazine and I could hear them talking. It didn't sound like it was going too good. Ha! I thought, Chatty Cathy is getting in trouble. She gets done talking to them and walks off. I went back to get my brows waxed and I decided it might be the only time I could be free of Chatty Cathy, so I decided to tell my eye brow guy.

I sit down in the chair and I tell my eye brow guy how Chatty Cathy offended me the last time I was in and how I didn't think I would be coming back to get a pedi from her anytime soon. Then, he drops a big bomb on me and says "Yeah, you won't have to worry about that anymore, because we just fired her!" What?? Chatty Cathy got fired because she just sucked! Actually, she didn't do what they asked her to do and she didn't do her share of the work, so Chatty Cathy got the boot! Bye-bye Chatty Cathy! Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

So, I didn't have to feel bad about telling how mad Chatty Cathy had made me and possibly getting her in trouble because she cooked her own goose. No more being told "Well, that's an interesting hair cut" or having someone talk the whole time they are giving me a pedicure. Bye-bye Chatty Cathy, nice knowing ya....not!! Until next time, Diva Divine

BTW, my hair looks fierce!

This is what my life has come to....I think I have the beginnings of the perfect country song

This is what my life has come to......


I am singing at a wedding on Saturday. I decided to treat myself to a new dress for the occasion. Why not? Seriously, like I really need an excuse to shop. Yeah, I didn't think so. So, I found a dress on sale. Actually, it was the first dress I tried on. I loved the way it looked and I figured that was as good of an excuse as any. I tried on four other dresses, but none of them made me feel the way that the first dress did when I put it on and looked in the mirror. The only fly in the ointment was I lacked enough boobs to fill the top of the dress out. Yes, my lack of a rack had gotten me again. But I decided that I loved the dress so much I would deal with my lack of boobs later.

So, I bought the dress and last night I went to buy myself some boobs. This is what my life has come to. I have to go buy my boobs so I can fill out the top of a dress. The good Lord giveth and the plastic surgeon taketh away, but the Diva can drop in a pair of "chicken cutlets" and instant cleavage for less than $20.00. No surgery, no hospital visit, no doctor visits, no recovery period. Even better, I can take out the boobs when I don't want them and put them back in when I do. It's the best of both worlds.

I found my chicken cutlets at Wal-Mart. Okay, this sounds like the perfect country song-"I bought my boobs at Wal-Mart, they cost $15.97. I found them next to the trashy underwear and close to checkout 11. I bought my brand new boobs so I could wear my dress, I just hope I don't get near something sharp 'cause that would be a mess! Oh I bought my boobs at Wal-Mart and now I have a rack, all the boys will look at me and say "hot damn she's stacked!" But if those boys get frisky and their hands move up too high, they might get wise and exclaim "Those aren't real, you false advertise!"

Okay, now that I have laughed myself silly, I will leave you with that catchy little ditty. Feel free to send me more lyrics. I think my little song could be a smash hit. Until next time, Diva Divine

Do I look pregnant, Nurse Know Nothing?

I went to the doctor this morning for a check-up. I would have rather gone to face the firing squad to tell you the truth. You see, I had to go to the OB/Gyn which is not one of my favorite places to go because it is just not much fun. You know what is in store for you, so it’s not really an enjoyable experience. I am much better about it than I used to be though there were times when I would totally flip out when I knew I had an appointment. Now, I can deal with it but I still don’t look forward to the visit.

First off, since I am new at work, I don’t have any sick days or vacation time yet. So, I had to manipulate my schedule so I would be able to get all my hours in for today. I also had to go to Mass this morning for the Feast of the Assumption. I picked the 6:30 Mass because I knew that would allow me to get to work by 7:30 at the latest. After Mass, I ran to work for about 45 minutes so I could get some things done. I had to edit the PowerPoint presentations for Mr. Meany Pants President, which took me the entire 45 minutes to do. Then, I ran to the doctor for my fun, fun, fun visit.

I almost didn’t make it on time because I got behind some idiot who didn’t know how to drive. Then, I had all the people in front of me who don’t know how to maneuver roundabouts, so they wanted me to beat them senseless with a big stick. I picked the first parking spot I could find and ran into the building, which is not small by any means. It’s part of the hospital, so it’s not like going to a regular doctor’s office, you have all the people who are going to the hospital, some going to other doctors in the building and lots of people just going everywhere.

I walked in the office at 8:15, which was 15 minutes before my appointment, but they make you come early to check your insurance and other information. Yeah, like they couldn’t do that over the phone or let me fax it to them. So, after I update my information, which takes all of 2 minutes, I have to sit and wait in the waiting room with the pregnant women who look all cute and then with the stuck up middle age women who gave me the once over when I sat down one chair away from her. What the hell? Don’t give me the evil eye byotch. Just because I sat down in the same row of chairs as you doesn’t mean I’ll give you cooties or anything like that. I’ve had my vaccines.

My appointment time comes and goes. Almost all the people who came in after me, even Ms. Stuck up Middle Aged women, get called for their appointments. Their appointments couldn’t have been much before or after mine, so why am I still sitting here waiting to have some doctor look at my girly bits and have some speculum stuck up my vajayjay? Dealing with Mr. Meany Pants President would be 10,000 times more enjoyable. I was beginning to think I should tell the little receptionist I needed to leave and go back to work if this was going to take much longer because I didn’t have time to waste. As it was, I had eaten up all the time I had banked by going in early Thursday and this morning and I couldn’t stay late because I had to work at the nursing home at 4:30. Just when I was ready to leave, they called my name.

The nurse took me back to weigh me, my second least favorite thing to do, and she took me to the exam room. She took my blood pressure, which I had to let her know, is always low. The last time I was there, they thought I was dead because my blood pressure was so low. Just because I am a big girl doesn’t mean I have high blood pressure. Then, she asks me “Are you here for a post-partum check-up?” Post-partum, meaning having had a baby come forth from my loins? Um, no! She is baffled. I guess she assumed because I am a big girl, I had just given birth. Then, she asks if I am there for a pre-natal visit. By Pre-natal, you mean pregnant. Oh, hell-to-the-no! I seriously wanted to say “Lori (that was her name) check my damn chart and it will tell you why I am here today!!! Here’s your sign!” But, I refrained. Next, Nurse No Brains asks “Do you have your uterus?” Yes, last time I checked. Although, I would like to trade it in for a newer model because the current version is tipped and tilted to one side, which I found out can make it difficult to conceive and have children. “What about your ovaries?” Well, even though they had trouble finding them on the ultrasound in February, I do indeed have ovaries, which sometimes work and other times, they don’t. However, I do still have them intact. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I know the office is busy and I know they see a lot of patients, but does it really take that long to just look at the person’s information? They actually have it all on their little laptops. It’s not like they have to go to the ends of the Earth to find out if I have just given birth or if I still have all my girly parts.

After my near showdown with Nurse Know Nothing, I have to get undressed from the waist down and sit with the nice sheet across my body and wait for the doctor. Oh, joy and rapture! I can’t wait for that nice cold speculum. Oh, what fun it is to be a girl. The doctor comes in, gives me some small talk and then, it's time for the fun. The exam isn't so bad, it actually went really quickly and it was over. I think I spent more time sitting in the waiting room than I did for my whole exam. I am just glad it is over. I'm still mad at Nurse Know Nothing thought I looked pregnant or like I had been pregnant. What a dumb butt. So, until next time, Diva Divine

Should I be mourning?

This week is the start of the school year for many little children here in the metropolis. After 11 years of teaching, it seems a little strange that I am not going back to school as well. No ceremonial purchasing of school supplies, no getting a room ready for the first day of classes, no class lists to go over, no nametags to write out. Gone are the first day jitters of meeting the new students and their parents and the “It’s the first day of school and I didn’t get my classroom ready” nightmares. My life, or what was my life for the last 11 years, is no more. I have joined the ranks of the “real world” work force. I am now one of the people who don’t get spring break or a long weekend in the fall. No, now I am a grown up, with office hours. I have a desk I can actually sit at when I am working (I rarely ever had the chance to sit at my desk when I taught except when the students were gone for the day or maybe when I had a prep period), a cubicle of my own where I can leave my purse out along with my laptop and iPod, without worrying someone will take them. I have a real lunch break, something I have never had in my professional career. I can sit down and eat, enjoy my lunch, instead of standing in front of a microwave, waiting in the queue to heat up my meal du jour, while doing the pee pants dance, because I didn’t have time to use the bathroom if I wanted to eat my lunch before racing back to pick up children. For the first time in my adult life, I can go out to lunch if I please or run errands and I don’t have t o tell anyone I have left the building. There is no one telling me “no”. Actually, no one really cares what I do with my lunchtime, as long as I am back at the right time and getting my work completed.

It all seemed so foreign to me when I started this new job. I felt a little out of sorts. There were not 15 kids standing outside the door when I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t have to stay in one room for an extended period of time. If I got bored with a task or just needed to take a quick break, I could get up and leave my desk, walk to the bathroom, get a drink and come back to work. It has been quite a change from what I have known for 11 years. I felt like I was breaking the rules and it felt so good to be a big rule-breaking rebel. Let me tell you, I quickly got over that when my boss and I hauled out of the office and headed to Starbucks for an offsite meeting. Being a “grown up” had it’s advantages. Had I known this sooner, I probably would have left teaching long before I actually did.

My life has changed and there are times when I really can’t believe it is my life. For instance, my stress level has decreased exponentially. I know when I leave work I am leaving the work there. I don’t take it home with me. I don’t have to worry about it. I don’t fret about the crazy parents or crazy students. Long gone are the days of lesson planning and trying to come up with the most dynamic lesson ever developed by a teacher. It was like reinventing the wheel every day of the week. That got a little tiring. That is a lie. It got a lot tiring. I never got away from my job when I was teaching. I was always a teacher. Now, I leave work and I am just me I don’t have to keep up my persona. I can finally take the time to figure out whom I am because for all these years, I was just a teacher and that was all I knew. Now, it’s time to figure out who I really am instead of being what everyone expected.

I feel a little guilty because I don’t miss my former career. I think I should be upset about not being back at school. Truthfully, I don’t miss it at all. Okay, I did miss buying new school supplies, but I will get over that because I can buy school supplies whenever I want. I didn’t miss getting a classroom ready or fretting about all the little details of the start of the school year. I do miss the kids, but not enough to be back in the classroom. I think leaving teaching was one of the best decisions I have made. I did enjoy teaching, don’t get me wrong, but it was time to step away from it and do something totally unrelated. Will I ever go back? At this point in time, I don’t see myself going back. I can’t say I’ll never go back, but right now, the answer is no. I’m happy to explore this new life and figure out what who it is I am and what this life has in store. Until next time, Diva Divine

People can't read and today was not my day... well, that's not entirely true

The day didn't start off so good. I went to the gym, I had a good run, but when I was standing in the shower thinking about what I could eat when I got to work, I realized I hadn't brought any food. I totally forgot to bring my food. I knew I was forgetting something when I left the house, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I debated whether I should go home and get my food before work, if I should go home at lunch or if I should just go out and get something at lunch. This caused another disaster. I was so distracted by the food thing, I burnt my forehead with my curling iron. It looks great. Nice big red burn mark on my forehead. Good thing my hair covers it up. Otherwise, I might have just gone home.

I got to work and I had to get the PowerPoint presentations for Mr. Meanie Pants President in the correct form, with the right fonts and try to make them look all pretty. I did some of the stuff I had to neglect on Friday and then I went about fixing the PowerPoints. My boss tells me, "Some of the slides are a little too wordy and need to be cut down." Okay, whatever, I worked about three hours on this over the weekend, I gave up getting my nails done so I could do this and now it's not good enough. I should have gone home. However, we were able to hold off having Mr. Meanie Pants President from coming in because my boss told him she wanted to go over the presentations before he got them.

I decided since my day had been so craptastic, I would schedule a pedicure for my lunch hour. I called the nail salon and they said they could schedule me. Woo hoo! Something was going to be good about today after all. I was not completely right. I get to the nail salon and I tell them I made an appointment. They were not busy at all. They had two people working and four customers including me. I figure since I a scheduled an appointment, they would get to me soon. No, that assumption would be incorrect. I sat there for 20 minutes before they started on me. Hello! Why did I even call for an appointment? It didn't cause them to work on me any faster. It's a good thing my boss never gets back to work on time at lunch because otherwise I would have been in hot water.

I worked like a mad women the rest of the afternoon, getting things out to people and answering emails. It made the day fly by so fast. I had nice toes again. I had energy. Even though I had to go to my second job I figured the day wasn't as bad as it could have been. I decided to see if I had any messages on my phone and there was one from the apartment complex I had applied to last week. I had been waiting and waiting to hear from them. Good news, I got the cool new apartment. I am going to be moving in October. I can't wait.

I went to my second job after my real full-time job. When I was there on Friday, they were installing a security system that requires visitors to buzz into the building all the time and then to use a code to leave the building. People are not very smart and they didn't understand the notes that are up on the wall or the loud buzzing sound and the inability they have to open the door. They just keep yanking on the door, thinking it is going to open if they keep yanking hard enough. Hello, dumb asses, there is a note there for a reason, read it and follow the directions. No, people can't read and it doesn't matter how you write the notes and if you put them right in front of their faces, they don't heed the words you write. It made me want to beat the people because they were too damn dumb to follow directions. They just want me to beat them. I swear.

So, that has been my day. Dealing with dumb people who can't read and Meanie Pants President, and slow nail people and everything else. I swear, people just want to irritate me. I have to remember not everyone is an idiot, I just encounter more of them on a daily basis than most people. Until next time, Diva Divine

I'm just sitting here gnawing on a chicken leg

My protein loading seems to be helping my energy level. I haven't been as tired. I have to eat about every three hours to keep my body going, but that's not bad. If it keeps my energy level up and makes me feel better, then I'll keep doing it. I joke that I have to sit and gnaw on chicken legs to get my protein, but that's what it sort of feels like, I am always eating something or thinking about eating something. My day revolves around food and getting enough of it at the right time.

Friday I was sitting in my little cubicle when my phone rings. It was the next President of our organization asking me where his PowerPoint for his upcoming trip were at. I told him I was trying to get in touch with my boss to figure out what was happening and who was supposed to be writing the PowerPoints. Well, that was not the answer he wanted and he got nasty with me. Looking back, I should have told him "Writing your PowerPoint presentations is not my job! So why don't you go and yell at someone else!" But I couldn't think that fast on my feet and I think that would have only made him madder. Anyhow, I hate when people think I am supposed to do something and it's not my job to do and then I just look dumb when it doesn't get done. Mr. Meanie Pants President made the Diva cry. I think I should kick him in the shins tomorrow for making me cry.

So, long story short, I spent all day Friday working on his PowerPoint presentation and I didn't get any of my other stuff done. I had to drop everything so I could appease Mr. Meanie Pants President. I have also spent time this weekend working on these things for him. I hope he likes his PowerPoint presentations I did because if he doesn't I will tell him next time he can do them himself! It's hard to write a PowerPoint for someone else because it is not my material. I had to go by the notes I had, the information I had gained by watching the video taping, and the printed materials we distribute. So, something that would normally only taken me an hour took me about 8 hours because I had to think how Mr. Meanie Pants President would state the information. It has been a big clusterfuck.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to meet with my boss to go over what I have done. I figure as long as there is stuff there for Mr. Meanie Pants President to look over, then I am doing okay. I didn't have time to make it look all pretty with pictures, but I can do that later. I just wanted to get the content in there and worry about the "pretty" stuff later. I dare Mr. Meanie Pants President to say anything to me tomorrow because I will unleash the Diva on him. (Okay, probably not, but I can talk a big game.) Until next time, Diva Divine

We still don't know what's wrong with you

I went back to the doctor yesterday to find out why I am tired all the time. I went to the lab last week and they drew my blood to check my thyroid, they also ran a CBC and a basic metabolic panel. I had been waiting since Friday to hear from the doctor, but with all the excitement of Friday, I sort of forgot about it until Monday. Then, they couldn't find my test results and when I called on Tuesday, they still couldn't find them, so then it was almost Wednesday so I just waited until I went in for my appointment.

Good news, I don't have thyroid disease. In fact, my thyroid is functioning better now then it was in December when I had my initial blood work done. There was nothing abnormal with my blood work at all. That was very surprising to me since I had felt so tired for so long. I figured there would have to be something in my blood work that would act like a neon sign saying "This is what's wrong with you!!" Well, that's not what happened. On paper, I look like the picture of health.

Thankfully, the doctor didn't just stop with the blood work, but she also did an analysis of my food diary. That's where she thinks she found the answer. I am protein deficient. I don't eat enough protein every day to keep my body going, so I get tired and feel like I want to crawl into bed. It seems that because I exercise as much as I do, you need more protein than the average Diva. Good to know.

So, I am a protein loading Diva. I think I ate about every two or three hours today. I feel a little better, but I think it will take some time before I see significant changes. I still took a nap this afternoon when I got home. I didn't sleep as long as I did last night. I have to work tomorrow night, so I won't get to take a nap, so I better get it in now. I am actually ready to go back to bed. I am still tired. I should get my stuff ready for tomorrow and get in bed. Until next time, Diva Divine

It wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare

In all the excitement of last week, I forgot to tell you all about my dream, or should I say, my nightmare. I don't always remember my dreams, but there are times when I do and this was one I did remember. I don't always remember my dreams as soon as I get up either, sometimes, it is something that I see or something that happens in day that triggers my memory. This was the case last week. I was driving to the gym Wednesday morning when suddenly, I remembered my nightmare from the previous night.

The dream/nightmare went something like this. I was standing in front of a school. The school turns out to be the rival elementary school of my childhood elementary school, but the building doesn't look the same. I walk into the building and go to the office. Then, suddenly I am being told about "my class". Huh? Excuse me, what class? I look down at what I am wearing and I am wearing a school hoodie, like that is professional. The school secretary sends me off to the cafeteria to get the kids. I am all worried because I have no clue what I am teaching and I don't know my students. I don't have my classroom ready either.

I walk into a room that resembles an auditorium, but it seems like it is now a cafeteria because the kids are eating lunch. Why the kids are eating lunch when they just got to school is way beyond me. The principal is running the cafeteria and the principal, I can't tell if it is a man or a woman, tells me to go get my things so I can be ready for the kids. I go to a workroom and meet the people I work with, and I learn that one of the other teachers isn't there yet. I guess I am not as behind as I thought.

I get some school stuff together and I walk back to the auditorium/cafeteria. I realize that I have been in this room before, in a previous dream. During that dream, the room was being used for a talent contest, but it was the same room. I can see the students, but I can't make out their faces, they're just kids, nothing that defines them from one another. It is really weird. I take my students out of the cafeteria/auditorium and that is all I can remember.

I don't want to go back to teaching. I have no desire to step foot back into a classroom. I don't know what this dream means, perhaps it's my way of leaving teaching behind. I can't see the kids faces and in my dream, it is obvious I don't really want to be there because I am not prepared in the least. I like my job. I wouldn't want to go back to teaching. So, I can't figure out why I am having dreams like this.

I hope I don't have anymore dreams/nightmares like that one. That's enough to scare you so much you wouldn't want to sleep. Until next time, Diva Divine

Not so faboo Friday

Today I am writing you from my new MacBook. I bet you are asking/wondering "Why do you have a MacBook and how did you afford it?" Yes, I did get a raise when I went to my new job, but not that big of a raise. Yes, I am saving money on gas because I live close to work, but not enough to afford a new computer. No, I am not dancing at Legg's Dungeon Lounge. I will cut to the chase. Let me take you back to Friday.
I was sitting in my little cubicle at work, reading some material from a video taped speech I had attended on Thursday. I had to sync what the person said in the interview with the materials we already have printed to determine what items he needs to take on the road with him when he gives speeches. Anyhow, around 4:05 my phone starts ringing. Normally, I would not answer my cell phone at work, but the number was my apartment complex and for some reason I felt compelled to pick up the phone. The person on the other line identifies herself as working for my apartment complex and I could tell something was wrong. She proceeds to tell me there is a problem. My downstairs neighbor, Cowboy Bob, came home around 3:00 to find his apartment had been burglarized. He immediately called the office and then realized all the doors of all the apartments in our building had been pried or were open. Then, he called the police. The person from the office said they didn't know if anything had been taken from my apartment, but Cowboy Bob had lost all his electronics. I was of course, trying not to flip out and all I could think was "What did they take?" She told me to come home and meet them at the apartment.
The five minute drive home felt like five hours. All that was running through my mind was "The extra set of keys to my car was hanging by the door!!" Then, I just kept reminding myself "It's only things that they took, and things can be replaced." I had to keep repeating that over and over. I also have insurance, which costs me so little every month I don't even realize it comes out of my account, but it saves me money on my car insurance and since you never know what could happen, it's good to have it on all the stuff in your apartment, too.
When I pulled into my apartment, the police were here and all the people in my building were standing outside. Cowboy Bob was out there with the other neighbor and one of the people from the apartment complex, who just happens to be Cowboy Bob's girlfriend. She says to me "They didn't take your television or DVD player. I don't think they took anything from your apartment. But you should go check."
It was not fun to walk into the building and see your door with a big dent in it and wood splinters all over the floor. The perps had used a pry bar to literally rip the doors open. The door frame in my apartment has splintered and the paint around the door frame was ripped off the wall! I knew before I walked into my apartment that my laptop was gone. Seriously, if you took the time to nearly take out a wall and you didn't take my television or DVD player, you took my laptop that was sitting on the couch.
I looked at the powerstrip on the floor before I looked on the couch...the power cord was gone and so was the laptop it was attached to. Rotten stinkin' criminals! They didn't take the printer or the wireless router. I had DVD's on the table and in my cabinet. Nope, they only had time to take the laptop. The keys to my car were hanging on the hooks next to the door. All they wanted was the laptop.
I stayed calm, which is big for me. I have been known to just lose it from time to time. I got on the phone, called the insurance company, started the claims process and waited for the police to come and take my report. He told me they wouldn't be able to dust for prints because the laptop was on the couch and they doubted they touched anything else. Plus, when they cleaned out Cowboy Bob, they had touched his cable box and remote and a few other things, so they were going to use those surfaces because they could get good prints. I got my case number and the police told me they would be in touch.
The criminals took the flat screen television from Cowboy Bob's apartment, his Wii game console, games, DVD's, and his clothes basket with the clothes still in it!!! They used his tools to take this television off the stand! We figure they used the clothes basket to carry the stuff out and the clothes to cover it all up. The apartment next to mine was vacant and the other downstairs neighbors have a dog, which started to bark when they tried to pry open the door, so they didn't try to get in.
I felt so violated and dirty. I kept thinking "someone was here and they saw all my stuff....what if they come back?" You can imagine all the stuff that goes through your mind. Of course, I had left two bra's on my couch that morning!!! Some creep saw my bra's when he took my laptop...yuck! Of course, I was worried about what was on my computer. You can't imagine the stuff you save on there. Then, I remembered something. I had a password on my computer that you had to enter in order to access the programs. I had shut my computer before I went to bed on Thursday. The criminals couldn't use my computer unless they could figure out my password, so it was useless to them. Plus, a lot of the keys had the letters rubbed off because I used it so much. The battery needed to be replaced and didn't hold a charge for over an hour and a half. Then, it was all sort of funny. They got a laptop that was useless and I have insurance which will pay for some of the replacement cost of a new computer. So, the only thing the perp got that was good was a peek at my two bra's. Hope that made their day because when they went to use the computer, they were probably cussing me a blue streak! Serves them right! Crime doesn't pay!
I did not stay at my apartment Friday...it just felt too weird. My mom came and picked me up and took me home with her. Then, we came back up here today to talk with the leasing office, which is another story in and of it's self. I am not sure I want to stay here because I don't feel safe and I don't want to be reminded of this every day. I feel like the people probably had been watching us and they knew we were all gone for the day. I hate looking over my shoulder all the time and thinking "are they keeping track of what I do and will they come back?" So, we went to look at apartments. I am also considering installing an alarm system no matter where I live. Crime is everywhere, but if you have an alarm or a barking dog, the perps tend to run away and leave your stuff alone.
Good news is both, the neighbor and I had insurance and no one was hurt. Our things can be replaced, but had one of us walked in, who knows what would have happened. The police are working the case so we will see what happens. I am going to hide my laptop everyday when I go to work. I just hope they catch t he people and they get some time out of it! So, that is why I have a MacBook. If I don't get to bed now, I might fall asleep with it on my lap. Good night to all! Until next time, Diva Divine