Annoyed

I had to run a conference call today, the first one I have ever done on my own. I had to also use an online web meeting tool because we were editing a document and everyone needed to see it. I was a little apprehensive about it because you never want to look like a dumb ass in front of people, especially online and especially when you are new at a job. My boss was supposed to be there with me because she was supposed to be in on the editing too, but she ended up bailing out on me. Well, things were okay until one of the people's cell phones died and all they had was internet access. Then, I mentioned we could chat with her via the web tool and that is when things went south. The two people who were offsite started chatting to one another, in a private chat and weren't paying any attention to what we were supposed to be doing. When I called them on it, because I could see the chat icon going when nothing was coming up on the screen, they were all like "We aren't chatting....." Oh, so that icon is going on and off all by itself? Are you f-ing kidding me? Do you think I am a stupid? You can waste your own time, but I really don't have time to waste waiting for you to comment on something we are getting paid to work on. I had a ton of work on my desk that was piling up and I had to spend two hours doing something that could have been done in an hour if they hadn't been messing around. Whatever! Don't make me go all Diva on your asses!

I think today was just not my day. I have been trying to return this lady's phone call for a week. I have left her messages and she won't call me back. She won't call me back, she will only call my boss. Guess I'm not good enough for her to talk to or important enough. Okay lady, when I give you my number and say I need you to call me, you better call me or at least tell my boss I had left you messages. No, the lady doesn't tell her this, so I look like a dumb ass who doesn't do her job. I emailed her today and said "We've been playing phone tag. Please email me or call so I can get your information to you." What does she do? She calls my boss again!!! AYFKM??? I didn't know if I should cry or scream. Possibly both. I tell my boss, over the cubicle wall after she gets off the phone, "That lady is seriously making me mad. She won't return my calls or my emails. She is making me look like I didn't do my job." So, I emailed her the information she wanted and if she calls back and says she didn't get it, I will have to go all Diva on her ass because I have the email delivery receipt to prove I did send it and it was delivered.

We do these things called "huddles" with our team everyday. We talk about what we are working on and stuff like that to keep everyone up to date. I have an awful short-term memory and I have to have a list. Anyhow, I go through my stuff and my boss butts in and more or less says that I shouldn't be going over my things I am doing and then proceeds to make me feel like a dumb ass in front of everyone. Especially when everyone else does exactly what I do in the huddle every morning and they don't get jumped for it. I really wanted to cry. I just think it wasn't my day.

Now, I am sitting in bed with my knee propped up on a pillow because it is hurting. I should be asleep, but I couldn't fall asleep so I got up and turned on my computer hoping writing all this out would help me get over it and be able to fall asleep. I have so many things that are really eating at me and adding this to those things isn't helping matters. I want to sit down and just cry, just try to get it all out, but I can't. There are times when I have unpleasant thoughts. Sometimes they are fleeting thoughts and other times, they last longer. I have worked so hard to push those thoughts away, but I can't do it all the time and when things start going wrong in other areas, it becomes increasingly harder to keep it all together. I try so hard, but I am just not strong enough. I just need to get my life together or get my head on straight.....until next time, Diva Divine