Monday, December 8, 2008

I just have freakishly large calf muscles

I went to the sports med doctor today for a check-up on my gimpy knee. I was anticipating that I might get released from treatment today. I haven't had much pain at all and I have been running again, even if it's only for about five minutes at a time, I am running. After gaining 12 pounds in 6 weeks, I knew if I didn't get back to running, I was going to need to get a zip code for my large ass. I have to push myself, because my endurance has decreased so much in the last few months, even though I had been working out, it's like starting all over again.

I asked the doctor about my huge calves when I was in the office. I have seriously been thinking I need to make an appointment with the plastic surgeon to schedule some lipo on my calves. The doctor told me I have very muscular calves and there really isn't that much fat on my calves. OMG! Are you serious? This is the one part of my body where I don't have a bunch of fat! He told me I can thin out the muscle, but I will never have dainty, cute calves. I have the calves of a pro-bowl linebacker.

I guess I can forgo that visit to plastic surgeon and either special order my boots or forgo the idea of boots all together. I did find out I can special order boots from a local department store, so I may look into this option. I would really like to have a pair of knee high boots just because I want a pair. I will let you all know how that turns out. Until next time, Diva Divine

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Glamour Don't

I know I am going to hell for snapping this picture, but this girl was begging to be classified as a Glamour don't. Yes, this stunt has more than likely ensured my seat in hell will be waiting for me, but it was worth it because either this girl is either working for Santa, her Pimp is Santa or her Pimp is working part-time as Santa and digs the get-up. Please, please, please slap me if I ever wear such an outfit in public. Oh wait, that won't happen because my calves are too fat for those kind of boots! So, I guess I won't have to worry! I know, God will get me for being so mean, but He gave me fat calves, so I can be a little bitter. Until next time, Diva Divine

Monday, December 1, 2008

Britney: for the record....Craptastic. television at. its. finest!

My girl Brit is back in the saddle and she has herself a new show, a documentary if you will, on MTV appropriately titled Britney: for the record. Brit's Daddy opens the show making his baby some cheese grits! You know, according to Jamie, Brit's Daddy, other people eat Wheaties, girls from the South eat cheese grits. Perhaps that's how Brit got those big jugs?

I think the doctors have Brit on some heavy medication. She is way too mellow. Like she is in Stepford Mode or something. It's like she is Britney on permanent edit. She is really kind of freaking me out because she is just so- bland and robotic. A far cry from the girl who shaved her own head and chased after the photog's. Man, I miss that crazy Britney because you never knew what you were going to get. It was like opening a box of chocolates.... Brit was the Whitman Sampler without the nice map in the lid.

Whatever Brit is on, I would like a nice big dose of it. Perhaps it would solve all my problems and also clear up my face. Perhaps it would also help me win a VMA, launch my new album, patch things up with my baby Daddy, discover a cure for cancer and find the key to world peace.

Yes, Britney: for the record. Craptastic .television. at. its. best.

TTFN, Diva

Best line: "People thought I was on drugs." I wonder why anyone would have thought that Britney? Maybe because you acted like you were on drugs??? Possibly???