Festivus for the Rest of Us....I nearly got blown away....

Today the annual parish festival at my church began. It's three days of food, fun and friends. I am the Queen of the Lemon Shake Up Stand. Yes, Diva Divine is in charge of making lemon shake ups! I have a whole posse of Middle, High School and College age kids who come and work for me. They love being covered in sugar and lemon juice.

The weather was beautiful today. It was the warmest day we have had yet. It was sticky hot, which makes the sugar and lemon juice cover your body in a nice sticky, shiny glaze. The festivus began at 5:00 and we were shaking lemonade and hydrating the masses. I saw so many people I haven't seen in a year or longer. Lots of "OH MY GOSH I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU!!" and "How much weight have you lost?" It's sort of weird when I would wave at someone or say hello and they would look at me like "Who are you?" Then, it would finally hit them. I guess I don't see all the changes they see because I am seeing myself every day. It makes me feel good, I do have to admit it.

Well, we were busy all night. I was getting really tired and as a result, very slap happy. Tonight, they had Karaoke under the Tent. People who can't sing shouldn't sing. They shouldn't participate in activities where they will make fools of themselves...in front of large groups of people. It was quite entertaining to say the least.

So, as we were making Shake Ups and people were singing, we would rate them. Some were not so bad, others were bad and some were horrible. We would yell "Don't quit your day job!!" and "Get them off the stage!!" They couldn't hear us, there were too many people and too much noise. We also put choreography to some songs. We were rolling when someone was singing "Rollin' on the River" and we were channeling our inner Temptations during "My Girl". We were more entertaining than the people who were up on the stage. People offered to take over the stand so we could go up and sing and dance on stage. We said "We will take the money box up with us and sing with it under our arm!"

I don't know how it happened or why, but we decided to pose like Charlie's Angels. Photos were taken. Blackmail could be used. We entertained all the people around us. The Girls in the Lemon Shake Up Stand were a hit!

The night was going really well until the weather turned foul. We had to close up about 15 to 20 minutes early because the Tornado sirens started going off. We got all our stuff cleaned up and put away in about 10 minutes. When I took the money box back to the money room, the rain had not started. Just as we (LuLu and I) were walking out the door to my car, the wind blew up and the rain blew in, and LuLu and I looked at one another and said "Let's wait here until this settles down." The rain was violent...it was blowing sideways and the lightning was dangerous. LuLu and I were finally able to leave after 15 minutes. I got her home safely and took off to my house, which on a normal day at the time I left would take me 20 minutes to drive. But, tonight was not normal.

I decided to take the interstate because the rain had been so heavy, I knew the city streets were flooded in some of the areas I drive through. Going the interstate was not smart. Another line of storms was moving through and at times the rain was so bad, I couldn't see anything. A semi had jack-knifed and a car slammed into the side of it. It was awful. I just wanted to get home. I finally got home, over an hour later! Then, the lightning was so bad, I had to sit in my car for 10 minutes until I felt it was safe enough to get out. I thought I was going to get blown away. "Toto, I have a feeling we aren't in the Metropolis anymore!"

The news stations are buzzing with news reports and pictures are starting to come in. The damage is bad. How I escaped it, I am not sure. I guess I would say I am very thankful. I am going to scrub the sugar sheen off my skin. Until next time, don't forget, I am Diva Divine


Festivus Fun at the Lemon Shake Up Stand!

Priceless....

Inches lost from waist: 7 1/4
Inches lost from hips: 10 1/4
Inches lost from biceps: 1 7/8
Inches lost from thighs: 3 1/2
Inches lost from calves: 1
pounds of fat shed: 21
total pounds lost since January: 31
total pounds lost in two and a half years: 133
points dropped from BMI: 7
money spent on new clothes: I don't want to think about it....
thoughts going through my head when seeing this new person in the mirror: Who is that person?? Oh, it's me!
feeling I get from knowing I am succeeding: priceless

Now, I feel old.

Tonight I attended the 8th grade graduation for my first class of Kindergarten students. It was a bittersweet event for me. They were my first group of "babies" and I am sure they would not want to see that in print, but they were my first group and they were always be my "babies". I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. Yesterday, they were walking into my blazing hot 85 degree classroom (Catholic School, no, we didn't have air conditioning) and now, they are going off to high school in the fall. I thought, "Now I feel old!"

It was quite fitting I go to their graduation because not only were they closing a chapter in their lives, I am also closing a chapter in mine. It felt right to go back and watch them graduate. They were my first Kindergarten class and I wanted to remember how much I loved teaching back then. Seeing them march in to Pomp and Circumstance stirred up in me all those great memories. It made me remember how excited I got when the school year was ready to begin. When I couldn't wait to meet my students and see what great things the year would bring. I couldn't wait to see how much the children would change and grow as the year progressed. This was when I loved to go to my job every day and every day was an exciting adventure. Those feeling were so strong in me until about two years ago. Then, something in me just changed. I don't know what it was, why, or how it happened, but when I began school in the fall of 2006, I just didn't have it in me. I was just going through the motions. I don't know if it was because the class I had the previous year had been amazing and no one else could measure up. Maybe it had something to do with the amount of flexibility I had the previous year, I had two groups of students and I was always switching groups so things never got dull. Things were always moving and changing. Again, I had these amazing kids who were so bright, it made me think "this is exactly how teaching is supposed to be." It was teaching perfection, Brigadoon, if you will. But, just like Brigadoon, the enchantment can be broken.

It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the students I had for the last two years, but something in me just wasn't right. I just wanted each day to be done so I could go home and get away from it all. I wasn't enjoying it but I didn't really know how to fix it. It was just a job to me, not the adventure it had been previously. This year, things only got worse. It was about all I could do to function. I would get up in the morning and think "Didn't I just do this...Is this week over yet...How many more days until I get a vacation?" I didn't want to go back to school after Christmas. I really didn't want to go back after Spring Break. I just wanted to walk away from it all because I finally realized how unhappy it was making me. That's when I realized I had to tell them I wasn't coming back. It wasn't just the school I was teaching at, it wasn't the grade, it was teaching in general. As scary as the prospect of not knowing what the future held was, I felt it was better than hating what I was doing every day and making myself and everyone around me miserable. Working at Starbucks appealed to me more than being in a classroom all day. I didn't care if I had to have two jobs to maintain my standard of living, as long as I wasn't teaching all day, stranded in a classroom without any windows or flexibility and this looming feeling of being stifled and stuck in an imaginary box you couldn't escape. It was like I was being suffocated.

As soon as I wrote my letter of resignation, I immediately felt this weight being taken off my shoulders. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. I knew there was something better to be had, even if it was working at Starbucks, at least I didn't have to take any work home with me. Also, you get a good discount at Starbucks and they have decent benefits. I figured I could use the time to try to figure out what I was supposed to be doing and get my life together.

I think the job I am interviewing for this week is what I am supposed to be doing. I don't want to sound all weird or anything, but there is always a reason for everything that happens to you in your life. We may not know why things happen and we might not like what happens, but it always happens for a reason. This job has actually been open since late February, but they just couldn't find the right person for the position and they kept it open until they had candidates they felt would be right for the position and they only had a few candidates come in for face to face interviews. Maybe this position stayed open because I am the person who is supposed to fill their need. I think I looked on their website and found the position for a reason. I hope I am not reading too much into this, but I feel good about it.

So, tonight as I watched my first Kindergarten students graduate, I said good bye to that person I was and I am excited about the prospect of what is to be. I closed that chapter of my life and I am starting a new chapter. I have no clue how it will play out, I don't know where it might lead, I don't know what I am supposed to be doing, but I know I am going to do something that is going to make me happy. I am not going to do a job just because that is what I earned my college degree in or because it's a job and it will pay my bills. Sure, I may have to scrimp and work at a job that is not exactly what I want (Starbucks, temp work), but I know it won't be forever. If this job is meant to be, then it will happen. Just as my first group of Kindergarten students anxiously await to see what their future holds, I too am with them, waiting to see what path I am supposed to take and where my life will lead. It might leave me a little unsure from time to time and cause me some stress or uneasiness, but in the end, what is meant to be, will happen. Until next time, Diva Divine

Playing Dress Up

I've been suit shopping the last two days. It has not been the most fun shopping experience of my life. First, it's hard to find a suit that isn't just black and boring. I am not one to subscribe to the "everyone must wear a black suit to an interview" idea. I really wanted to wear brown or something with a pinstripe in it. Okay, it's not so easy to find something that isn't just ordinary and right now is not the time to shop for suits. The newest idea in suiting is Capri's and Walking Shorts. That's fine if you are already hired and your company lets you wear those things, but I can't wear that to an interview. I was ready to just give up because it was hard to find what I wanted.

Well, I kept searching, ending up at Ann Taylor Loft (Ann and I are pals...hahaha). Thankfully, they were having a sale on suit separates. If you bought the jacket and the pants or skirt, you saved 30%. Since I am of the thinking "Never pay full price" I was more than happy to search through all the racks to find what I wanted.

As I was trying on all these suits, I kept feeling like I was a little kid playing dress up. I've never had to wear a suit for an interview. I've never owned a suit. I've never needed a suit. Teachers don't need suits. People in the corporate world do. It was a little weird looking at myself wearing a suit, looking all professional. I was playing dress up.

Finally, I settled on a black jacket and skirt. I bought a blouse to go under the jacket that is "Strawberry" colored. I didn't want to wear white, I needed something that was bright and might make the suit look less boring. I wanted something that was a little more representative of me as a person. I like color and I needed something in this suit that made it more me.

So, I have my suit for my big interview Thursday. I still think it looks like I am playing dress up when I see myself in the outfit. I have to get over that feeling so I can be ready for Thursday. Until next time, Diva Divine

Oh, Yeah!!

I had my phone interview with the large, international non-profit yesterday. Let me tell you, phone interviews are the way to go. Seriously, who wouldn't be comfortable when they are sitting in their bathrobe? Yeah, I think all interviews should be phone interviews, people would be a whole lot more relaxed and probably give better answers. Go phone interviews!!

Anyhow, I thought the interview went well. I felt like I did a good job answering the questions. I think I impressed the interviewer with all the facts I knew about the non-profit. I did my homework. I thought I had a really good shot at getting a second interview. I felt if they were intrigued enough to call me for a phone interview, then they must think I was a contender.

The entire interview lasted over 30 minutes, which I thought was a good sign. It wasn't too long, but not just a few minutes. I felt good when I was told they wanted to set up second interviews for next week. That meant wouldn't have to wait days and days to see if they were going to call me back or if they had made a decision. I hate waiting around for a call, especially if it's not good news. Just tell me immediately instead of keeping me holding on. That's agony.

I sent my thank you note after my interview, and I asked if a second interview for next week. I figured the worst they could say was "no". For so many years, I played it safe when I interviewed and it got me no where. I figure that didn't get me anywhere, so why not push it a little and see what happened. Well, it worked, because I have a second interview next Thursday!!! Oh, yeah!!

So, keep your fingers crossed! It would be great to have a new job this time next week! Until next time, Diva Divine

Craptastic Television at its best!

I love me some craptastic television. I will not deny the fact I can become addicted to a show or two....case in point, The Real World. I was an avid viewer of seasons 1-17...I feel a little ashamed of that now that it's in print. There was a time when I wouldn't go anywhere on Tuesday nights so I could watch the episodes. How many Real World Marathons have I watched? Too many to count. I've never really been a Road Rules aficionado, not really a big fan of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. But, give me some episodes of classic Real World and I am in heaven. I've tried to watch some of the newer episodes, but it's just not the same. Maybe I'm old, or maybe my taste in television have changed, but I just can't get into the new seasons.

I was also a big fan of VH1's Behind The Music. So many heartbreaking moments were revealed in those episodes with the Jim Forbes narrations. I look at Behind the Music as a learning experience, educational television, if you will. I learned a lot of stuff watching those episodes. The stuff I have learned might serve me well in a game of Trivial Pursuit or Jeopardy! You never know.

Shockingly enough, I have never been a fan of American Idol. I know, shocking. I have only watched one episode of American Idol in all the time it has been on and that was because I was at someone else's house and they were watching the show. I just don't get into watching people make big fools of themselves. Hearing about the footage they show before they reveal the contestants for the season makes me cringe. Some people don't know they can't sing. They have no clue that these people will exploit them and have all of America laughing at them for days. It's just not right. I don't like to be embarrassed and watching other people be embarrassed is just as bad.

Oh, I have also enjoyed The Osbourne's, My Super Sweet 16, and Rich Girls. Oh, Rich Girls....you know the show with Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher. It only lasted for one season, but I was totally hooked. Perhaps this is because I have always dreamed of being a spoiled little rich girl. I would love to be well off enough to not work, spend my days hitting the gym, shopping and just being fabulous. I think I could be really successful at that. Oh, and just to prove that I'm not all self absorbed, I'd volunteer for notable worthwhile organizations. You see, I am a do-gooder at heart.

Well, I have completely gotten off track with this post, so I better get this train back on the proverbial track. This weekend, another craptastic show hits the air waves and I for one, can't wait for this one. This weekend, we get an inside look into what it's like to be a Lohan! Yes, Living Lohan premieres on E! Entertainment Television. Oh, I think I can safely say this will be craptastic television at its finest. I have been watching the previews with great interest. I love it when Dina Lohan says "I hope they're not going to edit what we really want to say." Oh, yeah, Dina, they will probably do you a favor by editing what you say because you are a trainwreck! I love it when she says in the previews, "A lion protects her cubs!" Well Dina, I don't think you've done such a good job protecting Miss Lindsay. Hopefully she can do a better job with Ali.

So, this weekend, I am going to wait with baited breath to see Living Lohan. I just hope they don't disappoint. I will also catch up with the episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians....Until next time, Diva Divine

Good News People!!!

Good news today! Good news people!! I got a call from a large international nonprofit for an interview. WOO HOO, Jackpot Y'all! I applied for this position a few weeks ago. I sort of thought they had not been wowed by my amazing skill and my kickin' cover letter. Then, this afternoon, I get a phone call telling me they needed to set up an interview and they were very impressed with my skills and they couldn't wait to talk with me! Okay, I know a lot of times they say that to everyone, but I figure they had a lot of people apply for this position, so I am one of the lucky ones who is actually getting one step closer in the whole application process. At least it's not a "ding" letter. That's the letter you get when they don't pick you for the job. So, that's my big news for today. I will let you know how it goes. Until next time, Diva Divine

The games boys play

I went to the gym this morning, a little later than usual. When you go at the same time everyday, you tend to see the same people, but throw that time off by 20 to 30 minutes and the whole cast of characters changes. Forrest Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Well, that applies to the gym too. Go a little later and you don't know who you'll run into.

I don't know if everyone is getting ready for bathing suit season, I am guessing that is what they are doing because everyone has hired a trainer. I have nothing against trainers, I have a trainer, but I don't bring them to the gym with me. I go to them. All the trainers who are associated with the gym were there this morning, with clients. I hate it when the trainers are there because I feel like they scrutinize every move you make and say to themselves, "She has no clue what she is doing, her form is all wrong." Then, I look at what their clients are doing and I want to say "WORK THEM A LITTLE HARDER....YEAH, IF I'M GOING TO PAY YOU $55.00 AN HOUR, YOU BETTER MAKE ME SWEAT!" My trainer kicks my butt. I sweat like a mad woman. I curse her and swear she is trying to kill me. She knows it comes from place of love. Then, I email her 36 hours later and tell her I cry out in pain every time I try to sit down on the toilet, get up from a seated position, roll over in bed and do anything more strenuous than breathe. I tell her my muscles are taking her name in vain. This lasts for at least another 36 hours....even with the continuous dosing of Advil...until my body recovers and decides to cooperate.

Anyhow, the place was packed with trainers and if that wasn't bad enough, I had to deal with the show-off's. There were three boys, opps, I mean grown men jumping rope. Okay, the gym isn't really that big and of course, like a bunch of dumb boys, they have to stand right in the flow of traffic from the stretching area to the other equipment. Then, they wonder why people give them dirty looks. Duh! Move! Here's your sign!!

Anyhow, I was almost done with my workout and I needed to do push ups and then stretch to cool down. I can't get back to the mats because Jumpin' Jack Flash with his Jump Rope wants to show off for his buddies (Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb) and this ditzy blonde with fake boobs (Boob-Job Barbie). Excuse me Showboat, Fatty here needs to get to the exercise ball so she can finish her circuit and go home to wash her smelly body. I don't want to get whacked in the head with your stupid jump rope. That would leave a mark and then I would have to go all carnival freak crazy on your ass and scratch your eyes out because how would I ever be a teen model if I had a scar on my face or a broken nose? Didn't he see the episode of the Brady Bunch when Greg threw the football and Marcia got hit in the nose with it? Probably not because Jump Jack Jump Rope and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb weren't alive when that show aired and they are far too dumb to have watched it in syndication on Nick at Night.

I finally manage to squeeze my body between two pieces of weight equipment and get back to the stability balls so I can do my push ups. All I can think is "Please God, DO NOT let me fall off this damn (*sorry*) ball today. If you do, I promise I won't ask for things only when I need them. I will be a better Catholic. Amen." Well, Jack Flash is still thinking he is Rocky Balboa and he is showing Dee and Dumb how fast he can jump. "Please God, I know I said I wouldn't ask for things if you kept me from falling off this ball, but I would really be grateful if you would trip that guy so he falls and realizes he is not all that. He doesn't know the meaning of piety. Teach him a lesson....plus, he is blocking the traffic flow through the gym and making life miserable for all the patrons. He is an OSHA violation!! I still promise to be a better Catholic and all that other stuff. Amen."

Well, my line to G-O-D apparently doesn't work or it was busy, because Jack did not trip on his jump rope. He encouraged Dee and Dumb to have a jumping contest. Are you kidding me? Dueling jump ropes? Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh....think about the banjo playing geek from Deliverance...okay, you got it now. "Dear God, okay, I know I said I wasn't asking for stuff, but you really need to intervene. This is crazy. Why must I be subjected to Jack, Dee and Dumb and their foolish playground antics? For the love of, well, GOD (yeah, that's you...the big G-O-D), please put an end to this insanity. If you want me to be a better Catholic, please cause their jump ropes to become intertwined and tangled so they fall flat on their faces and then maybe they will realize they need to take their double dutch contest somewhere other than right in the middle of the traffic flow through the gym. Please, please, please, please, please and thank you."

I finish my 60 push ups without falling off the ball...thanks be to GOD! (Guess He listened to that one.) But, Dee and Dumb were still jumpin' when I finished. I swear, if they would have let go of the handles on that jump rope, and it would have hit me.....They would have been praying to God for mercy because I would have gone all bat shit crazy on them. Yeah, I would have karate chopped them and tied them up with their stupid jump ropes. Arghhh! Stupid boys and their stupid showing off. Boob-Job Barbie could have cared less about them because she was with Malibu Ken with the optional beefy biceps. It was all for nothing....when will the boys learn?

I think I need to go back to my regular gym time. So what if I have to deal with Elvira and the Skinny Man (I will elaborate later), and the three loud ladies who, no matter what the volume is on my iPod, I can hear all their conversations. Oh, and I can't forget the guys who come to the gym just to lean on the equipment and act like they are "pumping iron" so they can watch all the fake boobs bounce up and down when the "College Cuties" run on the treadmills. Dude, you aren't fooling me...my biceps are bigger than yours and well, I have yet to see you break a sweat. You can stay home and watch "Sports Center", yeah, they do broadcast it to places other than the gym. Just as long as I don't have to deal with Jack, Dee and Dumb and their plethora of jump ropes I think I will be okay. I can stop asking God for things only when I need them. Because the first time one of them hits me with that jump rope because they are messing around, well, you'll need to buy a ticket and see the show....I promise to offer free popcorn and 50 cent diet coke. It will be a sight to behold....I do know Karate and six other Japanese words! Hiyah! Karate chop! Banzai!!! And as I tie them up with the jump ropes, I will exclaim "Yeah, yeah, yeah, how you like me now....Bitches??? Huh, thought you were so cool, did ya? Actin' all hot and macho with your jump rope? Now, that I just kicked your butt and tied you up with your jump rope, who's laughin' now? Huh? It's all fun and games until someone loses their jump rope, and then, it's hilarious!" Okay, I feel better now. Until next time, Diva Divine

But it was a nice trailer...

I was trolling the web today, trying to keep busy. Yes, my life is so exciting. I know you are all jealous. Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me, just hate me because my boobs are perkier than yours! HAHAHA! Anyhow, I want to the website for Virgins, Saints and Sinners. VSS is an apparel, jewelry, and stuff for your home, like artwork and coasters. The stuff is cool and trendy. I have a shirt that says "Every Saint Has A Past, Every Sinner Has A Future." Well, today when I went to the website, I found this new t-shirt. I will let the picture speak for itself.



I swear, I think if had been drinking something when I saw the t-shirt, I would have spewed it out my nose. That is not a pleasant experience, but in this case, it would have been worth it. I had a sorority sister who once announced "But it was a nice trailer!" She was referring to the home she was going to be sharing with her soon to be husband. It was a sad situation....I won't go into it not here, not now.

Enjoy the shirt...and remember, "It was a nice trailer!"

Anjelah Johnson- Nail Salon Uncut - ChickComedy

Anjelah Johnson is hilarious!! This is one of my favorite videos! Enjoy! Diva Divine

I want a cupcake. NOW!

I have no idea why, at 2:45 a.m., I am still awake. Further more, I don't know why I am watching the Food Network. Being awake this late at night watching the Food Network is never a good thing. It can only lead to bad things. I'm watching Unwrapped with Marc Summers....you remember him from Double Dare on Nickelodeon? Yeah, that show where they slimed you and you had to go through the physical challenges in the obstacle course and find the flags stuck in places like a huge nose filled with green slime-like snot or you had to climb up a slide covered in whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

Well, after sitting here watching Marc talk about Black and White cookies and Carvel Ice Cream Cake, I have an intense craving for a big cupcake or a slice of cake. Anything of cake-like consistency will do. I know I have nothing in my house resembling cake or anything cake-like. This is probably a good thing. It's too late to go looking for something cake-like because I think everything around me is closed, or if it is not closed, I am not getting my happy ass dressed just to satisfy a craving. I don't need any thing like a cake. I don't even think I am really hungry. It's because I have been seeing all these tasty treats on the television.

I had to turn off the Food Network. It was getting to me. It was either turn the channel or I was going to have to make a cake....and eat the whole thing. Okay, I probably wouldn't eat the whole thing, but I would eat it and blow my caloric intake for the entire day. Dr. G. always says if you are craving something, and you aren't really hungry, try to take your mind off of it by keeping your hands busy. At times, I have had some strong cravings and I have had to leave my house. If I can get my mind off of what I am craving for ten minutes, I am usually okay. Dr. G. has also said if after ten or fifteen minutes you are still craving something and you just have to have it, only have a little bit of it. Just enough to satisfy your craving. I can usually get over my craving without eating what I am craving. Sometimes I will substitute another food, something that is healthy, or not as high in calories. I like to eat a yogurt or a handful of dry cereal. Even the 100 calorie packs of snacks work well. I just have to remember I can only have 1 pack. Sometimes I will brush my teeth because who wants to eat after they've brushed their teeth? I have all kinds of tricks to take my mind off eating when I don't need to eat.

Okay, my craving for cupcakes has subsided somewhat. I am doing much better. I think I will make it. It only took about 15 minutes to get over the "I want a cupcake. NOW!" craving. I really don't want cake now....okay, not as bad as I did earlier. Now, if the cupcake fairy came in right now, I would probably only want to lick the icing off the cupcake....oh, I am so bad.

Maybe I should just go to bed. I think that might be a good idea. Until next time, I think I am going to steer clear of the Food Network. No cupcakes. Cupcakes are evil. I have to remind myself of this visualization....it's just Crisco dipped in Sugar.....YUCK!! Okay, my craving for cupcakes is now gone! Whatever works....until next time, Diva Divine

Charm City Cakes

There are some people I am very jealous of and today I am going to talk about one of the objects of my jealousy. I am completely jealous of the people who work at Charm City Cakes in Baltimore. If you have no clue what I am talking about, obviously you have never seen the show Ace of Cakes on the Food Network. I was having trouble sleeping one night and I started channel surfing. I happened upon the show and I was hooked. I swear, I gained five pounds just watching the show. All that cake, all those wonderful artistic designs. I was instantly jealous. How cool would it be to work in a place where your creativity was encouraged and rewarded? If I had an ounce of artistic ability, other than coloring and making cards, scrapbook pages and painting pottery, I would so move my rear-end out to Baltimore and work for Chef Duff at Charm City Cakes.

I was talking to my trainer, Missy, yesterday about what I want to be when I grow up. She suggested I become an artist and paint my designs on pottery. I told her I didn't think anyone would pay me to do such a job. She told me I could just open my own business. I really don't want that responsibility and I think the market for paint your own pottery businesses has been fulfilled in my area. Considering that I am really good pals with the owner of the shop close to my house, I am not going to turn on her and open my own shop just so I have something to do. Plus, I could never compete with Katie. She is amazing! So, I'll just have to get my pottery on and get my creative outlet in that way.

Back to Charm City Cakes! Perhaps if I were a chef, I could open my very own version of Charm City Cakes here in the grand Metropolis. Alas, I am not a chef and even though I did earn a division champion or two in 4-H Foods, I have no experience with fondant and I doubt I could replicate the amazing cakes I have witnessed on Ace of Cakes. Maybe if I ever get married, Chef Duff would make my cake? A girl can always dream! Until next time, Diva Divine

These are all examples of cakes designed by Charm City Cakes, Baltimore, MD. You can see more examples on their web site, www.Charmcitycakes.com.

Another first...

I have kept a few pairs of my old pants so when I get discouraged or need inspiration, I can pull them out and look at them. It reminds me of how far I've come and how I never want to go back to where I started. I pulled a pair of them out yesterday to show to one of my friends. I told her "I can't wait until I can fit into one leg of these pants." She said "I think you could probably do that now." I didn't think that was possible, but when I got home last night, I tried it and what do you know, I COULD FIT INTO ONE LEG OF MY OLD PANTS! I took pictures and everything. It's hard to take a picture of yourself when your camera is janky and old and won't let you zoom out. I apologize for the poor quality of the pictures, but at least I tried. Until next time, Diva Divine
Disclaimer: I have not had any type of weight loss surgery. I have managed this weight loss with diet and exercise.










Yes, I am fully aware the shirt I have on doesn't match the belt on the pants, but I didn't have time to change shirts so I could match my belt. And yes, I know I have some muffin top going on, but that will be gone soon...part of it was a bad camera angle.

My Sunday Guilty Pleasure

I have to admit I have several guilty pleasures. One of my biggest guilty pleasures is magazines. I love magazines. I buy them, read them and pass them along to my friends. I think I am attracted to the bright colors on the covers and the thought I could possibly look as good as the people on the front cover or the people inside. Yes, I love magazines.

Yet, more than magazines and Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches (I don't want to go into that guilty pleasure right now, it will only make me think I am hungry, and I'm not hungry) I love PostSecret.

If you haven't heard of PostSecret, allow me to introduce you. PostSecret is the website started by Frank Warren. People send in their homemade postcards with their secrets and Frank posts them online every Sunday. He has actually published four books containing the postcards all the people have sent in over the years. Some of the postcards have been online and others have never been seen until they come out in the book.

It's like Christmas morning on Sunday because I have to check the website to see the new secrets. I love to read other people's secrets and see their artwork. Some of the postcards are very simple and straightforward. Others are really elaborate and deep. Reading the secrets every week is like finding that secret inside yourself that you were afraid to acknowledge. Sometimes I wonder if people I know have sent in secrets. That is half the fun of reading the secrets. Who knows, maybe someone I know has sent in a secret.

Here are a few of my favorites....














Since tomorrow is Sunday, Frank will be posting new secrets. You can check out new secrets every Sunday at www.PostSecret.Blogspot.Com

Now I will leave you with my secret...one of my many secrets....Until next time, Diva Divine

When I Grow Up....

I have come to a crossroads in my life. For the last eleven years I have been a teacher. I finally figured out, after eleven years, that I don't want to be a teacher anymore. Some people don't really understand this. I guess after being in the same field for so long, people automatically assume you love what you have been doing and why on earth would you want to change it now? People think teaching is the easiest job on earth. You get three months off, all you have to do is go in and teach these little kids all day and life is great. Well, let me tell you, it's not like that at all. You never get away from your job when you are a teacher. You have to take papers home all the time, you have to deal with kids who don't want to be at school and who talk back to you all the time, you deal with parents and you never get away from it. It follows you home and it is a never ending. I think eventually it got to me and that is why I finally figured out I had to stop teaching.

So, what does a person do after they stop teaching? That is what I am trying to figure out right now. I would love to be able to sit at home and write a book, but that is probably not going to happen since they don't pay you to write books until you have actually published one. Since I am quite fond of my living arrangement, I like having a car and food, I don't think I can be an author full time. I would love to be able to have my own line of greeting cards. I'd call it "Divine Diva Design". Again, I don't know of anyone who would pay me to make greeting cards, except for Hallmark. I'm fairly certain they don't have any offices here in the Metropolis.

This has led me to look at the field of fundraising. Yeah, you know like going out and asking people to give money for a cause. I think the reason why I am so drawn to fundraising is because I want a job that isn't the same every day. Something that will help other people and help something to grow. I think I would be good at it because I have the ability to convince people to do things. I mean seriously, I've been doing that for the last eleven years, except I had to convince kids to learn, now I'd just have to convince people to give me some of their dough so the organization I would be working for could provide services for people. I don't think that would be too hard.

So, I am looking for a new job, a new vocation. Until then, I might be working at Starbucks so I can support my spending habits. It's Starbucks or pole dancing....umm, with my saggy 80 year old elephant skin, I think pole dancing is out. Until next time, Diva Divine

Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me, just hate me 'cause my picture is available online and I look like a hot mess

I apologize for the long for the long subject line...I sort of got carried away. Since my mom has been bugging me incessantly about purchasing pictures of my hot mess of a self in the 5K, I have been forced to check online every day to see when the pictures have been posted. For some reason, she wants to buy the pictures and put them on the mantel. I believe some form of blackmail or humiliation will be involved in this. It seems my mom only likes to have pictures with my mouth open (Case in point, she has two pictures of me singing...both with my mouth wide open...really attractive) or pictures of me looking awful (singing in the 95 degree heat with my bat wing arm flab hanging...so beautiful) or a combination of both (singing in the 95 degree heat with my bat wing arm flab hanging and my mouth wide open!). Yes, she keeps all the school pictures I really hate, and of course the pictures of me about 100 pounds ago. I try to swipe them when I go home (or hide them or put them face down), which isn't very often, but she always catches me. The women can sleep through an alarm clock blaring for hours, but if you move a picture on the mantel, and she comes up off the couch like a speeding rocket and she is all like "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT PICTURE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO MOVE THAT PICTURE!" I swear, she'll go all ninja on you! Or threaten to beat you like a red headed stepchild. I thought I'd let you all enjoy seeing me looking like a hot mess. I am fairly certain I am breaking some law or something by downloading these two prints, but since the quality is awful, I don't think I will be printing them off or anything. If Brightroom comes after me, I will have to tell them (with my ghetto attitude) "Yeah, I downloaded those pictures and the quality was awful, so what you gonna do to me? Take away my birthday? Huh?" Yeah right, I am fairly certain it would shake down something more like this (looking and sounding like an angelic Catholic school girl...see the halo over my head???) "Oh, You aren't allowed to download those pictures???? I had no idea. I think my mom ordered them.....Please don't hurt me....I am much too fragile and I have good taste in clothes....don't let your cousin Vinny break my legs." So without further adieu, here are my pictures.....enjoy me looking like a hot mess. I am so proud.....Can't wait to see these babies on the mantel. Oh yeah..... Lovingly yours, Diva Divine (YES, the quality of these pictures is AWFUL!!! Probably because you aren't supposed to download them and all that jazz)

80 year old saggy elephant skin

I went to see my wellness doctor today. Actually, I just went for a weigh in. I sometimes dread weigh in's because there are times when I don't lose weight and there have been two times when I have gained weight. It's usually right around my period when I gain weight and the doctor has never said anything the two times I gained weight. She is really supportive and can usually tell, just by looking at my print out from the scale, that I am carrying water weight. She came in one day and asked "Are you going to start your period soon?" She just gets it. Kudos, Dr. G.

Today I was down two pounds. It doesn't sound like a lot, but that is okay with me. There have been times when I have lost 7 pounds in a week, but now that I am getting closer to my goal, the amount I lose each week has become smaller. I like being consistent and losing about two pounds a week, because it is safe. Now I only have 46 pounds to lose. Hopefully, I can be at my goal by the end of the summer or early fall. I might be able to get there quicker if I could do two workouts a day, but I don't really have time to do that I am afraid I would turn into a hulking mass of muscle. Now, I love being muscular and having definition, but I don't need to look like a body builder.

Anyhow, I was in the shower the other day and I noticed that even though I have dropped the weight and toned up, I have some places where my skin is hanging and looks bad. I have lost 131 pounds, so I should have some loose skin. It's inevitable. However, since I workout regularly, I have been able to get some of the skin to shrink and tighten up. But not all my skin will be able to shrink and tighten up like it would had I never gained all the weight in the first place. I was standing in the shower today and I thought "I look like an 80 year old women with saggy elephant skin."

So, what does a girl with saggy 80 year old elephant skin do? Well, I have a few options. I can do nothing and just deal with it. It's not like anyone sees it when I am dressed. I hate my legs, but as long as I wear long enough skirts or dresses, you can't see the parts I really hate. I could have major plastic surgery, but that costs lots of money and I had already decided I wouldn't have any surgery until I had been at my goal weight for a year. Dr. G. told me they had a patient who had surgery right after getting to their goal weight and in a year, the person looked all weird because their skin continued to shrink and well, the doctor had cut all the excess off and well, the person's newly contoured body didn't look so good. Why spend all that money and go through the pain if you won't get the results you want.

I guess I am just going to have to hope and pray my skin continues to shrink. So far, I can't really complain because I could look a whole lot worse. I can't lie when I say I would like to not have the excess skin and my elephant look, but it is a reminder of how far I have come and that I don't want to go back again. Until next time, Diva Divine

Evil in the form of a cookie...

Evil in the form of a cookie.......
I was under the assumption that Trader Joe's was supposed to be all healthy and only sale food that was good for you. I realized my assumption was wrong when I started reading the labels, the way I do when I go any grocery store. Some of the stuff is no better than what I buy at Target. However, you can find some good things there and some things you can't find at places like Target. Sure it might be a little more expensive than some stores, but when I only need a few things Joe's fits the bill. Plus, I don't buy all those extra things I end up picking up when I go to Target.
Anyhow, last week I went to Joe's to pick up a few things. I was jonesin' for something sweet. I try really hard to avoid sweets because they are my downfall. I allow myself a Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich, but those aren't portable and I can't put them in my lunchbox. I was tired of eating 100 calorie packs of chips ahoy. It's just not the same. I wanted a cookie.
Well, Joe had these Chocolate Chip Dunker's with chocolate on the back. Oh, it was a moment of weakness and I put them in my cart. I figured I had enough willpower to stick to the portion listed on the container. 2 cookies for 190 calories. Yeah, it was more calories than I would have liked, but it was chocolate and I got two cookies!!!
I got the cookies home, hoping they would taste like cardboard and yuck. But oh no, Joe made sure they tasted really good. Heaven in each bite. Chocolaty heaven. Joe, and your chocolaty cookies, I wish I could quit you! I ended up having to hide the cookies so I wouldn't eat them incessantly. Thankfully, they are all gone now.
Tonight I went back to visit my pal Joe. I had to walk past the Chocolate Chip Dunkers, but not before I snapped a picture of the evil cookies to remind me to not put them in my cart. Yes, I am fully aware that the crunchy granola couple looking at the Tofutti Cuties thought I was certifiable, but at least I don't smell like patchouli (to cover up the scent of Marijuana) and I bathe on a regular basis. A girl has to do what a girl has to do when it comes to avoiding those trigger foods. Until next time, Diva Divine

Cinco de Mayo Para Trader Jose y Boca

Ole! Today is Cinco de Mayo! Time to break out the Margs, chips and salsa! Since I don't want to blow my entire diet, I have to find caloric friendly options to my favorites. I've been lucky enough to find baked blue corn chips and fat free chunky salsa at Trader Jose's...okay that's really Trader Joe's, but they market it under the name Trader Jose's. Clever, huh?
To mark this occasion, I might make my special skinny enchilada's. I use boca "hamburger", faux hamburger, to make my special meal. They taste just as good as the real thing and they are less than half the calories. It takes all the guilt out of eating the gooey cheese and meat concoction. I could even add a low cal marg if I wanted.
So, live it up today and celebrate Cinco de Mayo! Ole!

Some Cinco de Mayo Recipes for you.....

HG's Magical Low-Calorie Margarita
(Entire recipe: 105 calories, 0g fat, 58mg sodium, 2g carbs, 0g fiber, 0.5g sugars, 0g protein = 2 Points)

This one's an old favorite...and it ROCKS!

Ingredients:
6 oz. Sierra Mist Free (or Diet Sprite Zero, or your other fave no-cal lemon-lime soda)
*1.5 oz. tequila
1/2 tsp. Crystal Light powdered drink mix, Lemonade
1 oz. lime juice
Optional: lime slice for garnish and salt or no-calorie sweetener for rim of glass

Directions:
If desired, run some lime juice along the rim of the glass and dip into a dish of salt or sweetener. Mix all ingredients together. Pour over 1 cup of crushed ice. Optional: Garnish with lime slice. Enjoy. Serves 1!

Skinny Enchilada's
2 packages Boca Hamburger Crumbles
Taco Seasoning
1/2 cup Low Calorie Mexican Cheese Blend
8 tortilla's
enchilada sauce

Cook the Boca meat according to package directions. Add taco seasoning and water, heat for an additional 30 seconds to 1 minute. Add three tablespoons of enchilada sauce.
Heat tortilla's in the microwave until they are flexible.
Spray 8X10 pan with non-stick cooking spray
Fill each tortilla with 2 tablespoons of the meat/enchilada sauce mixture. Use 1/4 of the cheese to the enchilada's. Roll each of the enchilada and place seam side down in the pan. Cover with 1/4 cup of the enchilada sauce and the last 1/4 cup of cheese. Cook in a 350 degree oven until cheese is melted and bubbly.
Serving: 2 enchilada's 315 calories!!!

Livin' Like Paris Hilton

I have found the place I want to live. It's the Conrad Hotel in downtown Indianapolis. Since I hate dealing with driving downtown, finding parking and all that stuff, I decided when I signed up for the 5K, I would stay downtown. It was a treat for me. It was my incentive to train hard and reward myself. Since I didn't sign up for the race until January, all the rooms at the less expensive hotels were all sold out. Imagine my sorrow when, oh, darn, the only place with available rooms was the Conrad. Boo hoo! The only place I could stay happened to be a fabulous, posh, luxury hotel. I was able to get a deal because I paid for my room in advance and the Conrad was offering some book via the internet incentive package. It was worth it just to avoid all the traffic on Saturday morning.
I checked in Friday afternoon and I was not disappointed in the least. The hotel staff was amazing. They addressed me as Miss Diva every time they talked to me. I felt like I was Paris' BFF! My room was fabu! The 42-inch plasma screen television was the bomb. Not to mention the fine linens on the bed, the squishy pillows and the view from the 16th floor! I felt like a princess, or at least the Diva I am. I nearly fell on the floor when I walked into the bathroom and there was a flat screen television! Yes, a television in the bathroom!!! I was all prepared to watch when I was in the tub!!
I was in sensory overload after seeing the bathroom. I figured I should go and explore the rest of the amenities. I went to the Exercise Room and had a short workout. Then, I went to the pool and took a dip. It was very relaxing. I had to sit in the hot tub, too. Since I was all chlorinated, I went back to the room and indulged in my first bath. I got back to the room just in time to watch the news from the tub!!! It doesn't take much to impress me. I soaked in the tub, took a shower and went to find some food at Circle Center. Did you really think I could avoid the Mall if I were downtown, right across the street? Uh, no!
I spent a quiet evening in my room, watching Juno on the plasma and sitting propped up in the bed with the cushy Conrad robe and squishy pillows. It was heaven. Or something really close.
When I called down for breakfast the next morning, I was pleasantly surprised when they addressed me again by my name. This place is da bomb! The schiznit. Fo' shizzle! Of course they could make me an egg white omelet. Yes, they could bring me a bucket of ice and a glass. I'd have my breakfast by 7:10. Oh, I love it when people are service oriented and want to wait on me. I so appreciate them.
After an amazing egg white omelet, I went out to the race. I think the egg white omelet aided in my amazing race time. Actually, it gave me the energy I needed to make all the training I did pay off.
I went back to the Conrad after the race and soaked my smelly body in the tub again. I watched the coverage of the race from the tub. I then showered and plopped my Diva butt in the bed, wrapped in the cushy Conrad robe and watched some craptastic television. I was going to stay until I had to check out.
I didn't want to check out, but when the 12 o'clock hour neared, I packed up my stuff and headed out. I bid adieu to my posh pad at the Conrad. I hope to go back next year and stay again. Heck, I'd just go for the weekend. Maybe I could try out for the new show "Be Paris' BFF" and then I could see if Paris could hook me up with a room at the Conrad once a month. Now that would be HOT! Until next time, Diva Divine

Best.Race.Ever!

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me??? OH YEAH!!!!

Ahhh, the month of May in Indianapolis....the sound of the race cars at the track...the smell of spring in the air.....40,000 people converging on Downtown to take part in the Mini and the 5K. Yes, today I took part in the 5K at the 500 Festival. First, let me tell you how amazing it was to walk out of my hotel and see this sea of humanity. People lining up in their corrals for the start of the Mini. It was a sight to behold. If you weren't excited about the race before you got Downtown, you certainly were once you saw all the people and got caught up in the party like atmosphere. Definitely one of the best races I have ever taken part in.
Anyhow, since I am not a distance runner/walker and I didn't give much thought to doing the Mini until after it was sold out, I participated in the 5K race. 4,000 runners/walkers all out there for 4,000 different reasons. My reason was just to beat my time from the Shamrock in March and I guess it was also to prove to myself I could really do this. I have never been a runner. I never understood why people ran....unless they were being chased, in which case, run like heck!! Then, I starting running and it sort of just made sense. It's just you and the course. I tune other people out around me. I get in the zone and it's always about beating my time from a previous day. Can I run a faster mile? Can I run longer without walking?

Today I went out there with the goal of running as much of the race as I could and beating my 13:41 mile pace from Shamrock. I thought, it would shoot for a 13:00 minute mile, a new record and try to finish the race in less than 45 minutes. I tend to have a really fast first mile, then I slow down in the second mile and make up ground in the final mile of the race. So, I was also trying to be a little more consistent. My first mile pace was around 13:10....a record for me!! I didn't want to get too excited because I still had 2.1 more miles to go. The second mile was another 13:00-13:10 mile! I was alternating running and walking, more running than walking, and I was really impressed that I hadn't blown that middle mile like I usually do. I was so determined to finish the race with my 13:00-13:10 mile pace, I kept plugging away. I kept thinking...isn't the finish line around here someplace?? It was great to have volunteers all along the course cheering and ringing their cowbells. (You can always use a little more cowbell, you know!) It was also great to have random bands playing. It kept me going. Since iPods were strictly verboten, I didn't have my training tunes to keep me motivated. I was a little upset when I got out there and many of the people had their iPods. I guess if you aren't going for the big prize money, they don't care if you wear an iPod. I will keep this in mind for next year.

Finally, I see the 3 mile sign....my body is aching and the sweat is pouring off of me. Surely, 1/10 of a mile isn't that long. How long does it take me to walk 1/10th of a mile?? Run it?? I can't remember anything by this time, all I know is I want to finish and I want to see the official race clock. The street was lined with people cheering and more cowbell ringing. I felt like I was in the Olympics. Then, the official clock came into view....I could see 39:00 and change....all I could think was, I could really set a personal best record today. It was a little overwhelming. Okay, it was a lot overwhelming. All these people were cheering, I had this sudden rush of adrenaline, and I pushed myself over the finish line at 40:31. I couldn't remember what the time was on the clock when I started, I thought it was about 30 seconds, so I figured, I finished in about 40 minutes. I was overjoyed. So overjoyed I had to hold back the tears. I made my way through the sea of people, got my timing chip cut off and got my cool 5K Medal and bag of snacks. I wanted an official portrait to mark this monumental occasion, so I had to stop and have my picture taken at the Finisher Photo area. I am sure I looked like a hot mess. I was a hot mess, literally! I didn't care. I had gone out there and done what I set my mind to, I ran about 75-80% of the course and I did it in 40 minutes. I had consistent times for each mile. It was a good race.

After walking back to my hotel and getting a good shower, I had the chance to look up the official results via the website. I was shocked when I pulled up my name and saw:

Official Time: 39:35:00
Pace: 12:47/mile
Overall Finish: 1899/4000 (in the top 47%...better than 53% of the people out there, not bad for a girl with short legs!!)
Division Place: 141
1067 out of all women participating

I would have done a little happy dance, but I was too tired. I was elated, to say the least! So, now it's time to start training for next year. I don't feel like I am ready for the Mini just yet....maybe another 5K. I think I will take a day off from training tomorrow. I need to rest a little. I also need to hydrate. Until next time, Diva Divine