Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me, just hate me 'cause my picture is available online and I look like a hot mess

I apologize for the long for the long subject line...I sort of got carried away. Since my mom has been bugging me incessantly about purchasing pictures of my hot mess of a self in the 5K, I have been forced to check online every day to see when the pictures have been posted. For some reason, she wants to buy the pictures and put them on the mantel. I believe some form of blackmail or humiliation will be involved in this. It seems my mom only likes to have pictures with my mouth open (Case in point, she has two pictures of me singing...both with my mouth wide open...really attractive) or pictures of me looking awful (singing in the 95 degree heat with my bat wing arm flab hanging...so beautiful) or a combination of both (singing in the 95 degree heat with my bat wing arm flab hanging and my mouth wide open!). Yes, she keeps all the school pictures I really hate, and of course the pictures of me about 100 pounds ago. I try to swipe them when I go home (or hide them or put them face down), which isn't very often, but she always catches me. The women can sleep through an alarm clock blaring for hours, but if you move a picture on the mantel, and she comes up off the couch like a speeding rocket and she is all like "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT PICTURE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO MOVE THAT PICTURE!" I swear, she'll go all ninja on you! Or threaten to beat you like a red headed stepchild. I thought I'd let you all enjoy seeing me looking like a hot mess. I am fairly certain I am breaking some law or something by downloading these two prints, but since the quality is awful, I don't think I will be printing them off or anything. If Brightroom comes after me, I will have to tell them (with my ghetto attitude) "Yeah, I downloaded those pictures and the quality was awful, so what you gonna do to me? Take away my birthday? Huh?" Yeah right, I am fairly certain it would shake down something more like this (looking and sounding like an angelic Catholic school girl...see the halo over my head???) "Oh, You aren't allowed to download those pictures???? I had no idea. I think my mom ordered them.....Please don't hurt me....I am much too fragile and I have good taste in clothes....don't let your cousin Vinny break my legs." So without further adieu, here are my pictures.....enjoy me looking like a hot mess. I am so proud.....Can't wait to see these babies on the mantel. Oh yeah..... Lovingly yours, Diva Divine (YES, the quality of these pictures is AWFUL!!! Probably because you aren't supposed to download them and all that jazz)