I am singing at a wedding on Saturday. I decided to treat myself to a new dress for the occasion. Why not? Seriously, like I really need an excuse to shop. Yeah, I didn't think so. So, I found a dress on sale. Actually, it was the first dress I tried on. I loved the way it looked and I figured that was as good of an excuse as any. I tried on four other dresses, but none of them made me feel the way that the first dress did when I put it on and looked in the mirror. The only fly in the ointment was I lacked enough boobs to fill the top of the dress out. Yes, my lack of a rack had gotten me again. But I decided that I loved the dress so much I would deal with my lack of boobs later.
So, I bought the dress and last night I went to buy myself some boobs. This is what my life has come to. I have to go buy my boobs so I can fill out the top of a dress. The good Lord giveth and the plastic surgeon taketh away, but the Diva can drop in a pair of "chicken cutlets" and instant cleavage for less than $20.00. No surgery, no hospital visit, no doctor visits, no recovery period. Even better, I can take out the boobs when I don't want them and put them back in when I do. It's the best of both worlds.
I found my chicken cutlets at Wal-Mart. Okay, this sounds like the perfect country song-"I bought my boobs at Wal-Mart, they cost $15.97. I found them next to the trashy underwear and close to checkout 11. I bought my brand new boobs so I could wear my dress, I just hope I don't get near something sharp 'cause that would be a mess! Oh I bought my boobs at Wal-Mart and now I have a rack, all the boys will look at me and say "hot damn she's stacked!" But if those boys get frisky and their hands move up too high, they might get wise and exclaim "Those aren't real, you false advertise!"
Okay, now that I have laughed myself silly, I will leave you with that catchy little ditty. Feel free to send me more lyrics. I think my little song could be a smash hit. Until next time, Diva Divine
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