Should I be mourning?

This week is the start of the school year for many little children here in the metropolis. After 11 years of teaching, it seems a little strange that I am not going back to school as well. No ceremonial purchasing of school supplies, no getting a room ready for the first day of classes, no class lists to go over, no nametags to write out. Gone are the first day jitters of meeting the new students and their parents and the “It’s the first day of school and I didn’t get my classroom ready” nightmares. My life, or what was my life for the last 11 years, is no more. I have joined the ranks of the “real world” work force. I am now one of the people who don’t get spring break or a long weekend in the fall. No, now I am a grown up, with office hours. I have a desk I can actually sit at when I am working (I rarely ever had the chance to sit at my desk when I taught except when the students were gone for the day or maybe when I had a prep period), a cubicle of my own where I can leave my purse out along with my laptop and iPod, without worrying someone will take them. I have a real lunch break, something I have never had in my professional career. I can sit down and eat, enjoy my lunch, instead of standing in front of a microwave, waiting in the queue to heat up my meal du jour, while doing the pee pants dance, because I didn’t have time to use the bathroom if I wanted to eat my lunch before racing back to pick up children. For the first time in my adult life, I can go out to lunch if I please or run errands and I don’t have t o tell anyone I have left the building. There is no one telling me “no”. Actually, no one really cares what I do with my lunchtime, as long as I am back at the right time and getting my work completed.

It all seemed so foreign to me when I started this new job. I felt a little out of sorts. There were not 15 kids standing outside the door when I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t have to stay in one room for an extended period of time. If I got bored with a task or just needed to take a quick break, I could get up and leave my desk, walk to the bathroom, get a drink and come back to work. It has been quite a change from what I have known for 11 years. I felt like I was breaking the rules and it felt so good to be a big rule-breaking rebel. Let me tell you, I quickly got over that when my boss and I hauled out of the office and headed to Starbucks for an offsite meeting. Being a “grown up” had it’s advantages. Had I known this sooner, I probably would have left teaching long before I actually did.

My life has changed and there are times when I really can’t believe it is my life. For instance, my stress level has decreased exponentially. I know when I leave work I am leaving the work there. I don’t take it home with me. I don’t have to worry about it. I don’t fret about the crazy parents or crazy students. Long gone are the days of lesson planning and trying to come up with the most dynamic lesson ever developed by a teacher. It was like reinventing the wheel every day of the week. That got a little tiring. That is a lie. It got a lot tiring. I never got away from my job when I was teaching. I was always a teacher. Now, I leave work and I am just me I don’t have to keep up my persona. I can finally take the time to figure out whom I am because for all these years, I was just a teacher and that was all I knew. Now, it’s time to figure out who I really am instead of being what everyone expected.

I feel a little guilty because I don’t miss my former career. I think I should be upset about not being back at school. Truthfully, I don’t miss it at all. Okay, I did miss buying new school supplies, but I will get over that because I can buy school supplies whenever I want. I didn’t miss getting a classroom ready or fretting about all the little details of the start of the school year. I do miss the kids, but not enough to be back in the classroom. I think leaving teaching was one of the best decisions I have made. I did enjoy teaching, don’t get me wrong, but it was time to step away from it and do something totally unrelated. Will I ever go back? At this point in time, I don’t see myself going back. I can’t say I’ll never go back, but right now, the answer is no. I’m happy to explore this new life and figure out what who it is I am and what this life has in store. Until next time, Diva Divine