I went to the wedding Saturday in all my fabulosity. My dress looked good, especially with my pink shoes and my little black purse. My hair cooperated, thanks be to God, and I remembered I had glittery hairspray, so I used it to add a little shine to my hair and also to my shoulders and back. (That’s what happens when you spray the stuff, it doesn’t all stay on your hair, it falls on your back and shoulders and on the counter top and the magazines you have on the floor and….) I managed to remember my jewelry and I got out the door on time! Sometimes, that is a feat in and of itself.
The wedding was very beautiful. I loved the dresses the bride had chosen. Everything was very simple and very elegant. Everyone loved our music. It was a good day all around.
The reception didn’t start for almost two hours after the wedding and since I wasn’t about to drive back home and I was too dressed up to go to Target to kill time, a group of us went down to the reception venue and had drinks. This was also good because it ensured that I got a good parking spot. Even though my heels were very comfortable, I didn’t want to walk half a mile both ways just to get there. Did I mention it was 92 degrees yesterday? Yeah, I wasn’t about to walk a half a mile in 92 degree heat in my dress and heels. No merci! The Diva did not sign up for that foolishness.
So, we were all sitting at this big round table, having drinks and appetizers when this older couple walks in and is seated at this table next to ours. The lady had her back to us and the guy was looking right at us. He sort of gave me the creeps, but I was willing to let it slide because I was sipping a nice big Midori sour and getting buzzed. Then I notice the creepy old guy keeps looking over and staring at me and my chest. Hello, you old pervert! Stop looking at my goodies! They aren’t even real. You would be mad if you realized they were chicken cutlets.
It totally set me off. Perhaps it was the alcohol which really helped to make the situation seem more like a big deal than it was, but the guy wouldn’t stop looking over at me and I don’t think he was looking at me because he thought I was cute or he liked my dress. He was looking at my boobage! Yuck, you old geezer! Stop oogling my goodies! You dirty old pervert!
So, after being oogled my some dirty old pervert for the better part of an hour, we went into the reception hall so get our seats. We had no sooner gotten our seats and sat down to chat when Mr. Pervert and his Oblivious Wife walk in and are seated at the table right next to ours!!!! You have got to be kidding me! He is going to oogle my the entire time I am at this reception, too? Oh, hell-to-the-no! My alcohol buzz had worn off by this time, so I was ready to rumble. Lucky for me, the person seated in his line of site was taller than him and he couldn’t stare at me any more. Had that not happened, I’d probably have gone over and kicked is old geezer ass because he had no reason to keep looking at me. I wanted to yell at him and say “Hey, asshole, they’re not even real!! So stop looking at them! You can buy your old cranky wife a pair at Wal-Mart if you like them so much!”
This brings me to a question. All these people yesterday were all teary eyed and weepy at the wedding and the reception when they were giving the toasts. I am sure part of it is because they had known the groom since he was a little kid, but that can’t be all of it. Why do people cry at weddings? It’s supposed to be a happy time. It’s the start of a new life for two people, a new family is being formed, it’s a happy occasion. Why the tears? I think if you are crying you are sad they are getting married and that is not a good thing. I have been to a lot of weddings and I don’t cry. I think I am a freak because I don’t cry at weddings. I think I am not normal because I don’t cry at weddings. What’s the answer? Normal? Abnormal? Please discuss and let me know. Maybe I can conjure up some tears for the next wedding? Until next time, Diva Divine
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