Many people probably think I am completely heinous because I tend to be quite snarky. Yes, I have a sharp tongue and I get rather mouthy from time-to-time, but really I am a nice person…. Most of the time. Okay, some of the time. In my effort to show all of you I am not completely heinous I wanted to pass along a recycling opportunity or two. Nike has a Reuse-A-Shoe program called Let Me Play (www.letmeplay.com/reuseashoe). The program accepts old sneakers, of any brand, and recycles them into courts for various sports so kids around the world have a place to play. You can drop your shoes off at a Nike store, other participating retailers, athletic clubs, and schools around the country (check the website for locations near you), or mail them to Nike Recycling Center, c/o Reuse-a-Shoe, 26755 SW 95th Avenue, Wilsonville, OR 97070. If your shoes still have some life left in them, consider donating them to needy athletes in the US and around the world through www.oneworldrunning.com. Mail them to One World Running, P.O. Box 2223, Boulder CO 80306.
I went back to my alma mater this past weekend for Homecoming. I still can’t get over the fact I graduated college eleven years ago. I feel like an old lady and from the way the current students looked at the alumni, I might as well been pushing my walker and having my nurse wipe drool from my chin. Yeah, that is no way to treat your alums, you ungrateful little twerps. Do you realize I had to sleep in a dorm that didn’t have air conditioning for two years, that’s two move-in days with sweat pouring from places I don’t want to think about sweating and two move-out days with more sweat? Do they realize I lived in the basement of said un-air conditioned dorm and nearly got flooded out during a rainstorm? Oh, no they don’t know anything about those days because they tore that dorm down, a year after I graduated, and built a nice new, coed dorm with air conditioning, nice furniture, huge fireplaces and decent bathrooms.
All I got for those first two years were many sweaty nights, even sweatier days and the smell of Downy dryer sheets and burnt popcorn coming from our antiquated kitchens that dated back to 1940. Seriously, the dorm had the original appliances. And they wondered why people didn’t stay in the dorms? Duh, why take your life in your hands and risk losing your possessions when the place could catch fire the next time Sloshy Suzy decided to whip up another batch of Mudslides for Buzzed Bambi and Liquored-up Lucy before they went off to a fraternity party because their blender short circuited the entire electrical system? I think I had exactly two plug-ins in my room freshman year and that was for two people. Yeah, not real great when you both have five things to plug in, not to mention you had to have four fans going all the time to keep the place below 100 degrees. This lead to us having two power strips apiece, which completely overloaded the electrical system and could have sent the place up in flames faster than the blender that belonged to Suzy, Bambi and Lucy, but at least I wasn’t concocting alcoholic beverages to get my under-aged sorority sisters nicely polluted. I had to have enough plug-ins for my hairdryer, radio and potpourri pot. Yes, I was a geek. I admit it. I probably would have had more fun had I been hanging out with Suzy, Bambi and Lucy my Freshman and Sophomore years, but we live and we learn.
I got lucky and managed to get a room in the exclusive Senior Dorm my Junior year. That’s called “I-took-so-many-credits-so-I-could-graduate-in-four-years-I-am-a- Junior-with-Senior-Standing-after-my-Fifth-Semester.” The Senior Dorm had air conditioning, real bathrooms, sinks in the rooms and nice furniture that didn’t have things carved into it like “Elvis Slept Here” and “Pat Dunbar is a Fox!” I am serious about the Pat Dunbar thing. That was written in the elevator, let me rephrase that, the scary freight elevator that we took to move things up to the 3rd floor or the 2nd floor or sometimes just for the hell of it. It had a wooden gate you had to raise and lower when you used the thing. I swear it was right out of an old movie. I am surprised someone didn’t die on that thing…. There was the rumor about the girl who died in that dorm maybe the elevator did get her? It did have a funky smell come to think of it.
Anyhow, back to Homecoming. I got to see lots of people I hadn’t see in years. I hung out with my sorority sisters (to which I never contributed to their drinking habits……. Keep quiet about that late night run to CVS LE and KS when I took these “lists” given to me by anonymous people, otherwise, well, you won’t want to see what the Diva will do☺) Ginny rode with me and we got caught up from her trip to Ireland and Wales for the last two weeks. She even brought my shillelagh and lots of other good stuff. We walked around and went to all the buildings and saw all the changes they had made, went to the bookstore and bought stuff that is still overpriced (good to know some things never change), and took pictures of ourselves in several questionable poses with the school’s namesake. Seriously, when you put a huge statute of the namesake sitting on a bench, you are only inviting people, like nutty alumni and drunken college students, to take suggestive pictures with said namesake. Don’t tell me that didn’t run through their minds when that statue and bench were put out there. If it didn’t, they were dumb because that was the first thing that would have gone through my head “How long will it take for us to see suggestive pictures with the namesake pop-up on social networking sites and other places on the internet?” But, then again, my mind is not so stable and I think of the most random stuff.
I had to have my picture taken on the namesakes lap, then giving the namesake a kiss and finally, doing something suggestive to the namesake because, well, again if you put it out there, it’s bound to happen. Of course, Ginny had to pose, too. She said to me “Namesake is HOT!” I thought she meant hot, like Paris Hilton means hot, but she clarified it by saying “No! I mean hot, like burn you hot!!!!!” Yes, it seems that the namesake statue is a conductor of heat and the temperature was above 80 and the sun was beating down on the said statue all day. Hot was an understatement. More like give you second degree burns upon contact. I think my arm still has a big red splotch from my brief contact with the namesake statue.
After frolicking around campus, we decided to go to our favorite college over 21 establishment where friends meet. We were walking back to my car (which I parked on the president’s lawn… I wasn’t the only one) when we pass these guys sitting on the back of their truck. I think I would have to classify them as boys because they seemed really young, or then again, maybe I am just really old. I don’t even think they were students or even alums. I think they were just there to drink. Why would you be tailgating on the President’s Lawn, which is really nowhere near the football field and you can’t see the game. Yeah, you can’t tell me they were there for the game. So, Ginny and I walk by and they say “Hello Ladies!” We said hello and kept walking. “Where you going?” To get our drink on. “Oh, then come back here!” No, not on your life. You are drinking Old Milwaukee on the back of your pick-up truck, which is parked on the President’s Lawn. I don’t want to come and drink with you just so you can ogle my goodies and think I might actually do more than just let you look at my “fun bags.” I have a degree from this fine, fine college and sitting on the back of your pick-up truck downing beer and letting you feel me up is not my idea of fun. Besides, you probably only really want me to go get you more booze because you aren’t old enough to buy it for yourselves and those days are over, mister. Nope, sorry, going to meet my sisters at the fine establishment when friends meet. Perhaps another time??? Not!
And I wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend? Hmmm. Shocking, I know.
All in all, Homecoming was a fun experience, especially because I had Ginny there to crack me up every five seconds. I loved the walk down memory lane. Fun times I tell you, fun times. I am loving my bookstore purchases. I will be living in my lounge pants for years to come. I have to wear them for years to come to get my monies worth out of them! I will be taking them this weekend on the trip I am making for work. Most likely, they will have to pry them off my body every day because that is how comfy they are. And yes, the pictures from Homecoming are posted on a social networking site for all the world to see. See if I had been on that statue committee things like this wouldn’t happen, but I’m not and now there are suggestive pictures of the school namesake out there for all the world to see. Oh well, I’ll just say I had been getting my drink on, even though that didn’t happen until well after those pictures were taken, because really, who could resist getting naughty with the statue of your alma mater’s namesake. You put it out there like that and you are only asking for trouble and suggestive pictures. At least we had all our clothes on! Until next time, Diva Divine
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