Where do I go from here?

I've had a few days to digest the whole "you are too big of a nervous wreck for us to hire you" email. I still feel like a big loser. There really isn't any other way to feel. Seriously, it would have been easier if they would have said the other person had better qualifications. Then at least I wouldn't have felt like such a big loser. It's not hard to "lose" to someone who is better at a job than you, but to lose to someone who could just handle their nerves better and not look like a dumb ass, that is hard to handle.

Now, I don't know what to do with my life. I have applied for a lot of jobs and I have heard zero. A lot of the things I have applied for make it very clear, if we want to talk to you, we will call you. They let you know upfront that they will not take calls concerning the position and they don't give you any email addresses so you can keep bugging the people about the job. You have no control over anything once you have sent your stuff off over the Internet. I don't like not having control.

So, where do I go from here? I have no clue. I feel like I'm adrift on this endless ocean in some flimsy life raft. I'm hanging on for dear life, but I think it would be easier to just let go. I'm tired of being disappointed, failing and feeling like I keep getting kicked when I am down. I know in life there will be disappointments, and you will fail, but it's like it is always following me around and I can't get a break. There are times when I just want to walk away from it all and not look back. I just want it all to stop.

My Mom told me last week I should go and ask to get my teaching job back. Is she crazy?? She just doesn't understand I really hated my job. It wasn't the kids, it was all the other parts of the job. I have no desire to ever teach school again. I don't want that stress in my life. I don't want to spend my life doing a job I don't like and a job that doesn't make me happy. I just don't know what job will make me happy and I don't know what I am good at. I don't know how I am supposed to figure it out either. That's almost as stressful as being in a job you don't like. I just wish someone would tell me what to do because it would be easier than trying to figure it out myself.

I think I am going to go crawl into my bed and sleep, which these days seems to be about the only thing I am good at. Maybe I will have some big epiphany in my sleep which will lead me to my dream job. Yeah right, I won't hold my breath on that one. Until next time, Diva Divine