Almost losing my pants....stanky, stanky, stanky

I went to the gym this morning to run. I have been working on "sprints" the past week or so, because it has helped me to improve my running times and my speed. So, this morning, I was on the treadmill for my warm up when I realize I wore the wrong underwear. Okay, I know that sounds crazy, but there are certain underwear I can't wear when I am running because they ride up. Part of the problem is that most of my underwear are too big and therefore, they don't fit properly. I am too cheap to replace all my underwear, so I've been doing that little by little, however, I have to wear some that don't fit perfectly. I try to wear the underwear that fit when I go out to do things. So, I usually end up wearing the ill-fitting underwear when I go to the gym or when I am just at home.

After I finished my five minute warm-up, I went back to stretch out. I was able to fix my underwear when I was stretching because no one was back in the stretching area. I thought I had fixed the problem. I thought wrong. I got back on the treadmill and started walking. I was okay for about the first minute, then I had to pull up my pants because, like my underwear, they are too big and I am too cheap to buy new ones. When I pulled up my pants, I messed up my underwear. It was just as bad as it had been during my warm-up.

Since I refuse to stop and fix my underwear and my pants, I switch the treadmill to my sprinting speed and try to not think about the big wedgie I have up my butt. I will be the first to tell you, it's not fun running with a big wedgie. What makes things worse, suddenly, my pants feel like they are slipping down my hips. But I don't stop running because I am too stubborn. I don't want people in the gym to think I can't handle running and that I need to stop and catch my breath. I kept running and hoping I didn't lose my pants.

I ran for three minutes and then switched back to my walking speed. I tried to fix my pants. I knew fixing my underwear was futile. There were people on the machines behind me, one being the operator of the gym. I tried to retie my pants when I was walking, but I didn't do such a good job because when I started running again, they started slipping down my hips once more. I was screwed. Unless I stopped and went to the bathroom, I was going to have to deal with my big wedgie and try to keep my pants from falling down.

I kept running and walking, pulling my pants up when they would start to fall down. It's a wonder I didn't trip and kill myself when I was trying to tie my pants and run at the same time. I am sure it was quite entertaining for all those who were watching. Glad I could be the mornings entertainment for everyone at the gym.

My pants didn't fall down after my 25 minutes of running and walking. I did still have a big wedgie, which is a pain in the butt, pardon the pun. I couldn't fix my underwear until I got out to the car. I had to be all nonchalant and act like I was just trying to adjust my pants. I don't think I was able to fool anyone. They knew I was picking my wedgie.

I had to stop at the grocery store on my way home because I had nothing to eat for breakfast. I hate going to the grocery store after I have been to the gym because I smell so bad and I am usually dripping with sweat. This morning was no different. I just had to run in and get some cereal and milk. I could smell the stench coming off my body and it was making me sick. If I could tell I smelled this bad, I knew everyone else would be able to smell me too. I was stanky, stanky, stanky.

I managed to get out of the store and home without knocking anyone over with my stanky body odor. I swear, when I took off my clothes to take a shower, the things could have walked away on their own. That's how smelly they were. They were FOUL!!

Tomorrow I will go back to the gym and hope I don't get some big wedgie or lose my pants when I am running. I don't want to put on a show for all the patrons at the gym. As for being stanky, I can't really help that. I get stanky when I run because I am a big sweaty mess. I think I have had my gym pants for so long the stank will not wash out of them, no matter what I use to clean them. I think it is time to get new pants and of course new underwear, but I am really not financially able to do that right now, so I will have to make things work for the time being. I will just have to have wedgies and stanky pants that almost fall down. Until next time, Diva Divine