I was running.....now I think I am going to crawl in bed and die

I ran today in the 5K I told you about earlier in the week. Let's just say, I forgot the area where I grew up is hilly. Yes, hills are not my friend. I usually run on flat courses so I was ill prepared for the course I set out on today. Chalk it up to being naive. I think it is all part of the learning curve.

I probably should have said I was walking in the race today because the runners in the race today were all seasoned, hardcore runners. I was seriously out of my league. I didn't really figure that out until I had already started running. I knew most of the people were seasoned runners, I just didn't realize nearly all of them Olympic worthy competitors. I was just a "runner" wanna-be. I kept telling myself "I can do this, I have trained for this." That worked for about the first half mile. Then, I realized I was at the back of the runner pack. Nothing like running by yourself. I just kept running because I wasn't going to give up. I just felt like an idiot because I was like the last runner.

I ran the entire first mile, which was huge for me because I have had so much trouble running outside for an entire mile. The end of the first mile was at the bottom of this big hill. The only bad thing about big hills, is you have to run back up them again. That nearly killed me. I was breathing so hard. Every piece of my body hurt. My muscles said "quit doing this" but I refused. I ran up the hill and walked a few steps, then I started running again. I probably ran another block and I had to start walking. If I didn't walk, I probably would have collapsed. I think I had finished the first mile rather quickly, which was why I was so out of breath. I hadn't paced myself, which is always my downfall.

I walked and ran the second mile. I was feeling really defeated because I was all by myself out there on the course. Occasionally, I would catch a glimpse of someone far ahead of me, but I was all by myself for the most part. I knew there were a few people behind me, but I didn't know where they were and I wasn't about to try and find out. I just kept going, thinking "I am going to look like the biggest idiot when I cross the finish line dead last. They will probably send the straggler bus out to find me."

I finally got to the end of the second mile and I thought "I can do this. It's only one more mile." Oh, if I only knew how hard that last mile was going to be. It was hilly and it was long and I wanted to die. I kept thinking "This has to be over soon." Then, my Mom comes driving by me. I wanted to kill her. Seriously, that is worse than the straggler bus. That's like "I am a big loser and my Mom has to come and get me in her SUV." I told her to go back to the finish line. I just wanted her to leave me alone because I was so mad at myself for thinking I could even compete with real runners. I needed to be mad at myself and having your Mom there trying to be your cheerleader doesn't really help. She told me not many people had crossed the finish line...yeah, whatever, Mom. I know she was trying to be supportive, but it made me feel even worse. I told her there weren't any people behind me. She said "there are plenty of people behind you." Yeah Mom, those would be the walkers who started 10 minutes after the runners.

Finally, I got to the last quarter mile. I could see the finish line. The course went downhill and then back up. I wanted to just lie down in the street and cry. I didn't think there was any way possible I could make it back up that hill. I refused to quit when I was this close. I refused to walk. I wasn't going to give up, but I was so tired. I don't know where my strength to keep running was coming from, I don't know how I made it up that hill because I really thought I was going to collapse. I got up that hill and I hurled my body through the finish line.

I finished in just over 38 minutes. The time was not exact because this event wasn't chipped, so everyone had the same start time, no matter when they crossed the start line. I was upset that I had fallen under my time from the Mini. I should have been able to finish more quickly, I had run the entire first mile and probably ran more of the course than I did in the Mini. But, maybe not? I think the Mini was easier because there were so many more people. I was never alone. I had people around to keep me going. I had motivation. In this race, I was on my own. I think I need that motivation, even though I am not really into competing with other people, just having someone else around is comforting.

I finished 4th in my age group. I guess that isn't too bad. There were a few people behind me who were in my age group, too. However, the lady who placed first overall in the walk had a time just a minute under mine. It was very close to my time in the Mini. Had I done the walk, I would have finished second overall and second in my age group. Oh well, we live and we learn.

I am still a little disappointed in myself. I should have been a little more consistent with my pacing. I am proud I did run the entire first mile. But, I let my own self doubt get in my way. I have to keep working. Now, I think I am going to crawl into bed and die because I am in pain. Hills aren't your friend and they tend to make your body hurt, a lot. So, off to bed I go. Until next time, Diva Divine