Do I look pregnant, Nurse Know Nothing?

I went to the doctor this morning for a check-up. I would have rather gone to face the firing squad to tell you the truth. You see, I had to go to the OB/Gyn which is not one of my favorite places to go because it is just not much fun. You know what is in store for you, so it’s not really an enjoyable experience. I am much better about it than I used to be though there were times when I would totally flip out when I knew I had an appointment. Now, I can deal with it but I still don’t look forward to the visit.

First off, since I am new at work, I don’t have any sick days or vacation time yet. So, I had to manipulate my schedule so I would be able to get all my hours in for today. I also had to go to Mass this morning for the Feast of the Assumption. I picked the 6:30 Mass because I knew that would allow me to get to work by 7:30 at the latest. After Mass, I ran to work for about 45 minutes so I could get some things done. I had to edit the PowerPoint presentations for Mr. Meany Pants President, which took me the entire 45 minutes to do. Then, I ran to the doctor for my fun, fun, fun visit.

I almost didn’t make it on time because I got behind some idiot who didn’t know how to drive. Then, I had all the people in front of me who don’t know how to maneuver roundabouts, so they wanted me to beat them senseless with a big stick. I picked the first parking spot I could find and ran into the building, which is not small by any means. It’s part of the hospital, so it’s not like going to a regular doctor’s office, you have all the people who are going to the hospital, some going to other doctors in the building and lots of people just going everywhere.

I walked in the office at 8:15, which was 15 minutes before my appointment, but they make you come early to check your insurance and other information. Yeah, like they couldn’t do that over the phone or let me fax it to them. So, after I update my information, which takes all of 2 minutes, I have to sit and wait in the waiting room with the pregnant women who look all cute and then with the stuck up middle age women who gave me the once over when I sat down one chair away from her. What the hell? Don’t give me the evil eye byotch. Just because I sat down in the same row of chairs as you doesn’t mean I’ll give you cooties or anything like that. I’ve had my vaccines.

My appointment time comes and goes. Almost all the people who came in after me, even Ms. Stuck up Middle Aged women, get called for their appointments. Their appointments couldn’t have been much before or after mine, so why am I still sitting here waiting to have some doctor look at my girly bits and have some speculum stuck up my vajayjay? Dealing with Mr. Meany Pants President would be 10,000 times more enjoyable. I was beginning to think I should tell the little receptionist I needed to leave and go back to work if this was going to take much longer because I didn’t have time to waste. As it was, I had eaten up all the time I had banked by going in early Thursday and this morning and I couldn’t stay late because I had to work at the nursing home at 4:30. Just when I was ready to leave, they called my name.

The nurse took me back to weigh me, my second least favorite thing to do, and she took me to the exam room. She took my blood pressure, which I had to let her know, is always low. The last time I was there, they thought I was dead because my blood pressure was so low. Just because I am a big girl doesn’t mean I have high blood pressure. Then, she asks me “Are you here for a post-partum check-up?” Post-partum, meaning having had a baby come forth from my loins? Um, no! She is baffled. I guess she assumed because I am a big girl, I had just given birth. Then, she asks if I am there for a pre-natal visit. By Pre-natal, you mean pregnant. Oh, hell-to-the-no! I seriously wanted to say “Lori (that was her name) check my damn chart and it will tell you why I am here today!!! Here’s your sign!” But, I refrained. Next, Nurse No Brains asks “Do you have your uterus?” Yes, last time I checked. Although, I would like to trade it in for a newer model because the current version is tipped and tilted to one side, which I found out can make it difficult to conceive and have children. “What about your ovaries?” Well, even though they had trouble finding them on the ultrasound in February, I do indeed have ovaries, which sometimes work and other times, they don’t. However, I do still have them intact. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I know the office is busy and I know they see a lot of patients, but does it really take that long to just look at the person’s information? They actually have it all on their little laptops. It’s not like they have to go to the ends of the Earth to find out if I have just given birth or if I still have all my girly parts.

After my near showdown with Nurse Know Nothing, I have to get undressed from the waist down and sit with the nice sheet across my body and wait for the doctor. Oh, joy and rapture! I can’t wait for that nice cold speculum. Oh, what fun it is to be a girl. The doctor comes in, gives me some small talk and then, it's time for the fun. The exam isn't so bad, it actually went really quickly and it was over. I think I spent more time sitting in the waiting room than I did for my whole exam. I am just glad it is over. I'm still mad at Nurse Know Nothing thought I looked pregnant or like I had been pregnant. What a dumb butt. So, until next time, Diva Divine

Should I be mourning?

This week is the start of the school year for many little children here in the metropolis. After 11 years of teaching, it seems a little strange that I am not going back to school as well. No ceremonial purchasing of school supplies, no getting a room ready for the first day of classes, no class lists to go over, no nametags to write out. Gone are the first day jitters of meeting the new students and their parents and the “It’s the first day of school and I didn’t get my classroom ready” nightmares. My life, or what was my life for the last 11 years, is no more. I have joined the ranks of the “real world” work force. I am now one of the people who don’t get spring break or a long weekend in the fall. No, now I am a grown up, with office hours. I have a desk I can actually sit at when I am working (I rarely ever had the chance to sit at my desk when I taught except when the students were gone for the day or maybe when I had a prep period), a cubicle of my own where I can leave my purse out along with my laptop and iPod, without worrying someone will take them. I have a real lunch break, something I have never had in my professional career. I can sit down and eat, enjoy my lunch, instead of standing in front of a microwave, waiting in the queue to heat up my meal du jour, while doing the pee pants dance, because I didn’t have time to use the bathroom if I wanted to eat my lunch before racing back to pick up children. For the first time in my adult life, I can go out to lunch if I please or run errands and I don’t have t o tell anyone I have left the building. There is no one telling me “no”. Actually, no one really cares what I do with my lunchtime, as long as I am back at the right time and getting my work completed.

It all seemed so foreign to me when I started this new job. I felt a little out of sorts. There were not 15 kids standing outside the door when I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t have to stay in one room for an extended period of time. If I got bored with a task or just needed to take a quick break, I could get up and leave my desk, walk to the bathroom, get a drink and come back to work. It has been quite a change from what I have known for 11 years. I felt like I was breaking the rules and it felt so good to be a big rule-breaking rebel. Let me tell you, I quickly got over that when my boss and I hauled out of the office and headed to Starbucks for an offsite meeting. Being a “grown up” had it’s advantages. Had I known this sooner, I probably would have left teaching long before I actually did.

My life has changed and there are times when I really can’t believe it is my life. For instance, my stress level has decreased exponentially. I know when I leave work I am leaving the work there. I don’t take it home with me. I don’t have to worry about it. I don’t fret about the crazy parents or crazy students. Long gone are the days of lesson planning and trying to come up with the most dynamic lesson ever developed by a teacher. It was like reinventing the wheel every day of the week. That got a little tiring. That is a lie. It got a lot tiring. I never got away from my job when I was teaching. I was always a teacher. Now, I leave work and I am just me I don’t have to keep up my persona. I can finally take the time to figure out whom I am because for all these years, I was just a teacher and that was all I knew. Now, it’s time to figure out who I really am instead of being what everyone expected.

I feel a little guilty because I don’t miss my former career. I think I should be upset about not being back at school. Truthfully, I don’t miss it at all. Okay, I did miss buying new school supplies, but I will get over that because I can buy school supplies whenever I want. I didn’t miss getting a classroom ready or fretting about all the little details of the start of the school year. I do miss the kids, but not enough to be back in the classroom. I think leaving teaching was one of the best decisions I have made. I did enjoy teaching, don’t get me wrong, but it was time to step away from it and do something totally unrelated. Will I ever go back? At this point in time, I don’t see myself going back. I can’t say I’ll never go back, but right now, the answer is no. I’m happy to explore this new life and figure out what who it is I am and what this life has in store. Until next time, Diva Divine

People can't read and today was not my day... well, that's not entirely true

The day didn't start off so good. I went to the gym, I had a good run, but when I was standing in the shower thinking about what I could eat when I got to work, I realized I hadn't brought any food. I totally forgot to bring my food. I knew I was forgetting something when I left the house, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I debated whether I should go home and get my food before work, if I should go home at lunch or if I should just go out and get something at lunch. This caused another disaster. I was so distracted by the food thing, I burnt my forehead with my curling iron. It looks great. Nice big red burn mark on my forehead. Good thing my hair covers it up. Otherwise, I might have just gone home.

I got to work and I had to get the PowerPoint presentations for Mr. Meanie Pants President in the correct form, with the right fonts and try to make them look all pretty. I did some of the stuff I had to neglect on Friday and then I went about fixing the PowerPoints. My boss tells me, "Some of the slides are a little too wordy and need to be cut down." Okay, whatever, I worked about three hours on this over the weekend, I gave up getting my nails done so I could do this and now it's not good enough. I should have gone home. However, we were able to hold off having Mr. Meanie Pants President from coming in because my boss told him she wanted to go over the presentations before he got them.

I decided since my day had been so craptastic, I would schedule a pedicure for my lunch hour. I called the nail salon and they said they could schedule me. Woo hoo! Something was going to be good about today after all. I was not completely right. I get to the nail salon and I tell them I made an appointment. They were not busy at all. They had two people working and four customers including me. I figure since I a scheduled an appointment, they would get to me soon. No, that assumption would be incorrect. I sat there for 20 minutes before they started on me. Hello! Why did I even call for an appointment? It didn't cause them to work on me any faster. It's a good thing my boss never gets back to work on time at lunch because otherwise I would have been in hot water.

I worked like a mad women the rest of the afternoon, getting things out to people and answering emails. It made the day fly by so fast. I had nice toes again. I had energy. Even though I had to go to my second job I figured the day wasn't as bad as it could have been. I decided to see if I had any messages on my phone and there was one from the apartment complex I had applied to last week. I had been waiting and waiting to hear from them. Good news, I got the cool new apartment. I am going to be moving in October. I can't wait.

I went to my second job after my real full-time job. When I was there on Friday, they were installing a security system that requires visitors to buzz into the building all the time and then to use a code to leave the building. People are not very smart and they didn't understand the notes that are up on the wall or the loud buzzing sound and the inability they have to open the door. They just keep yanking on the door, thinking it is going to open if they keep yanking hard enough. Hello, dumb asses, there is a note there for a reason, read it and follow the directions. No, people can't read and it doesn't matter how you write the notes and if you put them right in front of their faces, they don't heed the words you write. It made me want to beat the people because they were too damn dumb to follow directions. They just want me to beat them. I swear.

So, that has been my day. Dealing with dumb people who can't read and Meanie Pants President, and slow nail people and everything else. I swear, people just want to irritate me. I have to remember not everyone is an idiot, I just encounter more of them on a daily basis than most people. Until next time, Diva Divine

I'm just sitting here gnawing on a chicken leg

My protein loading seems to be helping my energy level. I haven't been as tired. I have to eat about every three hours to keep my body going, but that's not bad. If it keeps my energy level up and makes me feel better, then I'll keep doing it. I joke that I have to sit and gnaw on chicken legs to get my protein, but that's what it sort of feels like, I am always eating something or thinking about eating something. My day revolves around food and getting enough of it at the right time.

Friday I was sitting in my little cubicle when my phone rings. It was the next President of our organization asking me where his PowerPoint for his upcoming trip were at. I told him I was trying to get in touch with my boss to figure out what was happening and who was supposed to be writing the PowerPoints. Well, that was not the answer he wanted and he got nasty with me. Looking back, I should have told him "Writing your PowerPoint presentations is not my job! So why don't you go and yell at someone else!" But I couldn't think that fast on my feet and I think that would have only made him madder. Anyhow, I hate when people think I am supposed to do something and it's not my job to do and then I just look dumb when it doesn't get done. Mr. Meanie Pants President made the Diva cry. I think I should kick him in the shins tomorrow for making me cry.

So, long story short, I spent all day Friday working on his PowerPoint presentation and I didn't get any of my other stuff done. I had to drop everything so I could appease Mr. Meanie Pants President. I have also spent time this weekend working on these things for him. I hope he likes his PowerPoint presentations I did because if he doesn't I will tell him next time he can do them himself! It's hard to write a PowerPoint for someone else because it is not my material. I had to go by the notes I had, the information I had gained by watching the video taping, and the printed materials we distribute. So, something that would normally only taken me an hour took me about 8 hours because I had to think how Mr. Meanie Pants President would state the information. It has been a big clusterfuck.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to meet with my boss to go over what I have done. I figure as long as there is stuff there for Mr. Meanie Pants President to look over, then I am doing okay. I didn't have time to make it look all pretty with pictures, but I can do that later. I just wanted to get the content in there and worry about the "pretty" stuff later. I dare Mr. Meanie Pants President to say anything to me tomorrow because I will unleash the Diva on him. (Okay, probably not, but I can talk a big game.) Until next time, Diva Divine

We still don't know what's wrong with you

I went back to the doctor yesterday to find out why I am tired all the time. I went to the lab last week and they drew my blood to check my thyroid, they also ran a CBC and a basic metabolic panel. I had been waiting since Friday to hear from the doctor, but with all the excitement of Friday, I sort of forgot about it until Monday. Then, they couldn't find my test results and when I called on Tuesday, they still couldn't find them, so then it was almost Wednesday so I just waited until I went in for my appointment.

Good news, I don't have thyroid disease. In fact, my thyroid is functioning better now then it was in December when I had my initial blood work done. There was nothing abnormal with my blood work at all. That was very surprising to me since I had felt so tired for so long. I figured there would have to be something in my blood work that would act like a neon sign saying "This is what's wrong with you!!" Well, that's not what happened. On paper, I look like the picture of health.

Thankfully, the doctor didn't just stop with the blood work, but she also did an analysis of my food diary. That's where she thinks she found the answer. I am protein deficient. I don't eat enough protein every day to keep my body going, so I get tired and feel like I want to crawl into bed. It seems that because I exercise as much as I do, you need more protein than the average Diva. Good to know.

So, I am a protein loading Diva. I think I ate about every two or three hours today. I feel a little better, but I think it will take some time before I see significant changes. I still took a nap this afternoon when I got home. I didn't sleep as long as I did last night. I have to work tomorrow night, so I won't get to take a nap, so I better get it in now. I am actually ready to go back to bed. I am still tired. I should get my stuff ready for tomorrow and get in bed. Until next time, Diva Divine

It wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare

In all the excitement of last week, I forgot to tell you all about my dream, or should I say, my nightmare. I don't always remember my dreams, but there are times when I do and this was one I did remember. I don't always remember my dreams as soon as I get up either, sometimes, it is something that I see or something that happens in day that triggers my memory. This was the case last week. I was driving to the gym Wednesday morning when suddenly, I remembered my nightmare from the previous night.

The dream/nightmare went something like this. I was standing in front of a school. The school turns out to be the rival elementary school of my childhood elementary school, but the building doesn't look the same. I walk into the building and go to the office. Then, suddenly I am being told about "my class". Huh? Excuse me, what class? I look down at what I am wearing and I am wearing a school hoodie, like that is professional. The school secretary sends me off to the cafeteria to get the kids. I am all worried because I have no clue what I am teaching and I don't know my students. I don't have my classroom ready either.

I walk into a room that resembles an auditorium, but it seems like it is now a cafeteria because the kids are eating lunch. Why the kids are eating lunch when they just got to school is way beyond me. The principal is running the cafeteria and the principal, I can't tell if it is a man or a woman, tells me to go get my things so I can be ready for the kids. I go to a workroom and meet the people I work with, and I learn that one of the other teachers isn't there yet. I guess I am not as behind as I thought.

I get some school stuff together and I walk back to the auditorium/cafeteria. I realize that I have been in this room before, in a previous dream. During that dream, the room was being used for a talent contest, but it was the same room. I can see the students, but I can't make out their faces, they're just kids, nothing that defines them from one another. It is really weird. I take my students out of the cafeteria/auditorium and that is all I can remember.

I don't want to go back to teaching. I have no desire to step foot back into a classroom. I don't know what this dream means, perhaps it's my way of leaving teaching behind. I can't see the kids faces and in my dream, it is obvious I don't really want to be there because I am not prepared in the least. I like my job. I wouldn't want to go back to teaching. So, I can't figure out why I am having dreams like this.

I hope I don't have anymore dreams/nightmares like that one. That's enough to scare you so much you wouldn't want to sleep. Until next time, Diva Divine

Not so faboo Friday

Today I am writing you from my new MacBook. I bet you are asking/wondering "Why do you have a MacBook and how did you afford it?" Yes, I did get a raise when I went to my new job, but not that big of a raise. Yes, I am saving money on gas because I live close to work, but not enough to afford a new computer. No, I am not dancing at Legg's Dungeon Lounge. I will cut to the chase. Let me take you back to Friday.
I was sitting in my little cubicle at work, reading some material from a video taped speech I had attended on Thursday. I had to sync what the person said in the interview with the materials we already have printed to determine what items he needs to take on the road with him when he gives speeches. Anyhow, around 4:05 my phone starts ringing. Normally, I would not answer my cell phone at work, but the number was my apartment complex and for some reason I felt compelled to pick up the phone. The person on the other line identifies herself as working for my apartment complex and I could tell something was wrong. She proceeds to tell me there is a problem. My downstairs neighbor, Cowboy Bob, came home around 3:00 to find his apartment had been burglarized. He immediately called the office and then realized all the doors of all the apartments in our building had been pried or were open. Then, he called the police. The person from the office said they didn't know if anything had been taken from my apartment, but Cowboy Bob had lost all his electronics. I was of course, trying not to flip out and all I could think was "What did they take?" She told me to come home and meet them at the apartment.
The five minute drive home felt like five hours. All that was running through my mind was "The extra set of keys to my car was hanging by the door!!" Then, I just kept reminding myself "It's only things that they took, and things can be replaced." I had to keep repeating that over and over. I also have insurance, which costs me so little every month I don't even realize it comes out of my account, but it saves me money on my car insurance and since you never know what could happen, it's good to have it on all the stuff in your apartment, too.
When I pulled into my apartment, the police were here and all the people in my building were standing outside. Cowboy Bob was out there with the other neighbor and one of the people from the apartment complex, who just happens to be Cowboy Bob's girlfriend. She says to me "They didn't take your television or DVD player. I don't think they took anything from your apartment. But you should go check."
It was not fun to walk into the building and see your door with a big dent in it and wood splinters all over the floor. The perps had used a pry bar to literally rip the doors open. The door frame in my apartment has splintered and the paint around the door frame was ripped off the wall! I knew before I walked into my apartment that my laptop was gone. Seriously, if you took the time to nearly take out a wall and you didn't take my television or DVD player, you took my laptop that was sitting on the couch.
I looked at the powerstrip on the floor before I looked on the couch...the power cord was gone and so was the laptop it was attached to. Rotten stinkin' criminals! They didn't take the printer or the wireless router. I had DVD's on the table and in my cabinet. Nope, they only had time to take the laptop. The keys to my car were hanging on the hooks next to the door. All they wanted was the laptop.
I stayed calm, which is big for me. I have been known to just lose it from time to time. I got on the phone, called the insurance company, started the claims process and waited for the police to come and take my report. He told me they wouldn't be able to dust for prints because the laptop was on the couch and they doubted they touched anything else. Plus, when they cleaned out Cowboy Bob, they had touched his cable box and remote and a few other things, so they were going to use those surfaces because they could get good prints. I got my case number and the police told me they would be in touch.
The criminals took the flat screen television from Cowboy Bob's apartment, his Wii game console, games, DVD's, and his clothes basket with the clothes still in it!!! They used his tools to take this television off the stand! We figure they used the clothes basket to carry the stuff out and the clothes to cover it all up. The apartment next to mine was vacant and the other downstairs neighbors have a dog, which started to bark when they tried to pry open the door, so they didn't try to get in.
I felt so violated and dirty. I kept thinking "someone was here and they saw all my stuff....what if they come back?" You can imagine all the stuff that goes through your mind. Of course, I had left two bra's on my couch that morning!!! Some creep saw my bra's when he took my laptop...yuck! Of course, I was worried about what was on my computer. You can't imagine the stuff you save on there. Then, I remembered something. I had a password on my computer that you had to enter in order to access the programs. I had shut my computer before I went to bed on Thursday. The criminals couldn't use my computer unless they could figure out my password, so it was useless to them. Plus, a lot of the keys had the letters rubbed off because I used it so much. The battery needed to be replaced and didn't hold a charge for over an hour and a half. Then, it was all sort of funny. They got a laptop that was useless and I have insurance which will pay for some of the replacement cost of a new computer. So, the only thing the perp got that was good was a peek at my two bra's. Hope that made their day because when they went to use the computer, they were probably cussing me a blue streak! Serves them right! Crime doesn't pay!
I did not stay at my apartment Friday...it just felt too weird. My mom came and picked me up and took me home with her. Then, we came back up here today to talk with the leasing office, which is another story in and of it's self. I am not sure I want to stay here because I don't feel safe and I don't want to be reminded of this every day. I feel like the people probably had been watching us and they knew we were all gone for the day. I hate looking over my shoulder all the time and thinking "are they keeping track of what I do and will they come back?" So, we went to look at apartments. I am also considering installing an alarm system no matter where I live. Crime is everywhere, but if you have an alarm or a barking dog, the perps tend to run away and leave your stuff alone.
Good news is both, the neighbor and I had insurance and no one was hurt. Our things can be replaced, but had one of us walked in, who knows what would have happened. The police are working the case so we will see what happens. I am going to hide my laptop everyday when I go to work. I just hope they catch t he people and they get some time out of it! So, that is why I have a MacBook. If I don't get to bed now, I might fall asleep with it on my lap. Good night to all! Until next time, Diva Divine