I almost didn't make it home...

I went to see the dermatologist on Tuesday to take care of some horrible acne I have been having on my back, chest and my face. It was oh so much fun to go see the doctor and let her pick around on my back and see me at my finest. I forgot to mention I almost had to clean the clock of the nurse who had the audacity to tell me "Your acne isn't that bad. I've seen much worse." Okay bitch and I've gotten people fired from their jobs for saying less than that to me. Just talk to the lady who worked for my orthodontist who yelled at me about not brushing my teeth, when I had just brushed my teeth five minutes before my appointment in the office. She accused me of having bread stuck in my brackets, even though I hadn't had bread in days. The "bread" was toothpaste residue and when I told the office manager about Ms. Meanie Pants and how she made me cry, Ms. Meanie Pants wasn't in the office the next time I had an appointment. Yeah Nurse Ratched watch it because you could be next.

Anyhow, they put me on some antibiotics for my acne, which was diagnosed as cystic acne. The first few days, I was fine. But, my stomach and antibiotics don't get along very well. I was hoping this time I was going to escape the icky side effects however, the side effects reared their ugly head late Friday and I have been staying close to the bathroom for the last two and a half days. It really sucks to be chained to the toilet because you are afraid you are going to have a big blow out episode of antibiotic diarrhea. I almost had a big blow out episode in the grocery store and on my way from the garage to my house and again on the way from my front door to the top of my stairs. Oh, it's so much fun getting a full colon cleanse every few hours.

I am trying to make it through this episode of blowout antibiotic gas and diarrhea. I was supposed to have MC come over today and help me move the cabinet from my car to my house, however, when you are expelling gas from your ass, you don't want to have a hottie come over and be exposed to that loveliness. So, I still have a cabinet in my car, gas coming from my ass and pains in my stomach. Oh, I love being me! But at least my skin is clearing up! Until next time, Diva Divine

I am a fat ass... I need an intervention... NOW!

I have been really busy with work so I haven't had time to post. I know that is no excuse. I've been trying to get my house in order, with Ginny's help, and trying to get my life in order. Anyhow, I went to the doctor today and I got a big slap in the face. I knew I had gained some weight. I have been really stressed. I eat when I am stressed. I didn't think I had eaten that much, but obviously, I have been eating nonstop because I have gained 12 pounds in 6 weeks. 12 freakin' pounds in 6 weeks... that's 2 pounds a week! HOLY FREAKIN' SHIT! So, I am now on official intervention mode. I have alerted everyone that if they should happen to see me with food in my hands, they are supposed to slap me silly, take the food away and slap me again while yelling "HEY FATTY 12 POUNDS.... 6 WEEKS!!!! GO RUN AND STOP EATING BEFORE YOUR ASS GETS ITS OWN ZIP CODE!" Hopefully, that will work.

Good news on other fronts, I started running again this week. I can only run in intervals of two minutes of running, three minutes of walking, but I can run. I am hoping that the running will get me back in check and take some of this weight off of my fat ass. Otherwise, I will be trading my nice clothes for mumu's and tents.

I am still in like with MC. I am more in like with him now than before.  I actually just enjoy MC's company. He makes me laugh. He likes the same music I like. He is smart. He is tall. He is actually nice and thoughtful and an all around good guy. 

Well, I have to get stuff cleaned up and work off the chicken, spinach, and cheese wrap I ate for dinner. I better start running up and down my stairs for the next hour. Until next time, Diva Divine

I will clean your clock!

I think some people really want me to hit them. Seriously, they want me to punch them right between the eyes and knock them out. Why do people insist on working my nerves? Yeah, really haven't figured that one out yet, but if you know the answer, please enlighten me. I'd love to know the answer.

Okay, so I am highly stressed right now because this is a huge week at work. I've been working on this for months. Now that the event is right in front of my face, I'm totally flipping out because everything is hitting me at once. I'm getting slammed from all sides. I want to hold up a sign and wave a white flag, yelling "I surrender!" but I don't think that is going to fly.

I've tried to let things roll off my back, but when people continue to ask me the same questions over and over again or they are just downright heinous, you can't help but fell the need to clean their clock. I mean, even if you ask me a million times, the answer to the question isn't going to change. In fact, if you keep asking me I think that I have free reign to go all bat shit crazy on your ass and scratch your eyes out. Seriously, It's like you are just asking for it. It's an open invitation in my book.

Yes, I am a pain in the ass. That's well known, but most of the time I am a nice person until people make me mad and push me to my limit and then, it's game on! All bets are off and you'd better not cross the Diva once you've done that because you could be in serious trouble,

I had to work at the nursing home tonight, which wouldn't have been so bad had I not woken up at 3:00 this morning, getting just 3 and a half hours of sleep. I was not in the mood to deal with idiot's who can't read, who keep pulling on the door and look at you like you're dumb because they are too damn stupid to follow directions. This lady came in tonight and she refused to push the button to get in the door, like we should just open the door for her because she is just so fabulous. Whatever sister, think again. Unless you are Miss Dorothy in her cute little Jazzy and you can't open the door and maneuver your wheelchair at the same or you are the cute little guy with the walker who can't push the button and open the door at the same time, I am not pushing that button for you. Okay, I will push it for the lady who has two kids, one of whom is in a pumpkin seat because she can't push the button without putting the baby seat on the floor and that isn't necessary. No Ms. I am not pushing the button doesn't fit in any of those categories. She brings some dog in with her, which I think is a big no no, but it's not worth fighting with her. So, Miss I'm Too Good leaves and comes back in (not hitting the button..."Hit the red button") and she is in a big tizzy. Someone is blocking her and she can't get out. OMG! Please leave because you are annoying. I page the person who is blocking her in. They don't come out. She is all up in arms, telling me she is going to call the cops and have the car towed. Whatever, I doubt she knows how to pick up the phone on her own, let alone dial. She gets all honked off because the person blocking her in won't come down so she goes back outside to see if she can get her car out. The blocking driver comes out and I guess they almost came to blows. One of the residents was out there and saw it all happen. Miss Priss came back in and demanded to have the name of the company the blocking driver worked for.... then, when the resident came in I found out Miss Priss was parked illegally in a handicapped parking spot!! She shouldn't even have been where she was, had she not been parked there, she wouldn't have gotten blocked in in the first place. Had I known this, I would have thumped her ass and good. SUH-CUR-ITY!!!!

Now that I have been up for 18 hours, I think it is time to go to bed. I have to get up early so I can vote before work. I am a heinous bitch, but at least I do have some redeeming qualities.... I do turn off the water when I brush my teeth and I give things to charity. Until next time, Diva Divine

Feeling lazy

I am sitting here on my bed when I know I have a million and one things to do right now. I should be unpacking boxes in my den and getting my house in order. I should be exercising. I should be trying to get something done before I go to the nursing home this afternoon for my shift. However, I am sitting here on my bed, typing this post because I really don't feel like doing anything else. I could so take a nap right now. It's cool outside and my bedroom is nice and dark, Bring It On is playing again and I totally get sucked in every time that movie is on. I shouldn't even turn on the television because I am so easily sucked in by anything that comes on, it doesn't matter what it is, I will watch it. I seriously suck.

I do get up and go to Mass this morning. I guess I can count that as a positive in the win column. However, I am convinced I am a magnet for oddness or people who smell really bad. For example, today this guy sits behind me and he seriously smelled foul. Yes, smelled so foul I almost had to get up and move because I thought I was going to be sick. What is it with people who stink sitting close to me? Do I have a sign on my back that says "Sit by me so I can smell your wretched ass and nearly vomit every time I inhale?" Can't people smell their own stink? Do I just have an over active olfactory system? Am I just a mean person whose heightened sense of smell only seems to get her in trouble?

At least all my clothes are hung up now thanks to Ginny and her persistence. She came over the other night and cracked the whip on my lazy ass. She helped me hang up all my clothes and unpack boxes. She also helped me take apart my table and carry it down to the garage. She is the best sister a girl could have. I am so blessed to have her as a sister! Ginny rocks!

I am going to watch Bring It On and laze the time away until I need to get to the nursing home. I will be kicking myself tomorrow when I go back to work and I still have a house that is completely unorganized. I only have myself to blame, so I know where the buck stops. Yeah, that would be with me. Until next time, Diva Divine

It's not even Halloween yet and I'm singing Christmas music

Tis the season to start carving pumpkins and jumping in piles of leaves. After spending last weekend in Massachusetts, I was all stoked about Fall and leaves and hot chocolate... okay, maybe not hot chocolate because I think I drank too much of that last weekend and I am really sick of it right now, but I was digging the whole fall thing. Then, I came home and realized I had to start Christmas Choir practice on Tuesday! Yikes! Tuesday!! Yes, that would be Tuesday, October 21st. That is a full 66 days before Christmas (in case you were wondering). That is insane. Normally, we wouldn't start practice until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. However, this year we are recording a CD and if we want to have it available for purchase before Christmas, we must have it recorded by early November which means we have to start practicing now.

Let me tell you how odd it is to sing about Christmas and the baby Jesus and snow and wise men when the leaves are just starting to turn colors. It's more than odd, it's downright disturbing. I swear, it seems like only a few weeks ago that we were singing this music for Christmas Eve and now, it's time to get it all out again and prepare for all the hoopla again. It's bad enough when the stores go from 4th of July merchandise to Back to School stuff, straight into Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas all at the same time. Before you know it, we will just have Halthanksmas--- complete with ghosts, goblins, and witches riding on the backs of turkeys looking for the Baby Jesus who is dressed in his Hathanksmas garb chillin' with Mary and Joseph who are gnawing on turkey legs and stuffing next to the manger watching some football on their flat screen television. What a sight that would be to behold. I think we should throw in a few fireworks for good measure, just to liven things up a bit.

I think we have become such a commercialized, consumer driven society we have forgotten the significance of these holidays and why we celebrate them. It's like we can't wait to get the kids back in school so we can decorate the pumpkins and then before we even have the pumpkin carved, we are already moving on to Thanksgiving and turkey, time off school, and then before the bird is even in the oven, we are shopping for Christmas and decorating the tree and making New Year's Resolutions because that is how the commercial world treats those events, just stuff them down our throats and entice us to buy all the stuff you think we need, before we need it because if you wait to buy it when the holiday actually gets close, you are out of luck because the commercial world has already moved on to the next holiday.

I remember as a child that it took forever for Halloween to arrive once we started school. Back in those days, school didn't even start as soon as it does now. We actually didn't have as much time to wait as kids do these days. And then, it took a long time to get to Thanksgiving and the first long break from school. Forget about Christmas, that was only a glimmer in our mind's eye because it might as well have been a million light years away because it took forever to arrive and was over too soon. Now, maybe because I am older and times goes quicker, the days fly by me so quickly, I don't have time to catch my breath between blinks of my eye. So many things happen so fast and we, as a society, never slow down to enjoy them because it is always rush, rush, rush, you must get from point a to point b to point c and if you don't do it fast enough, you get left behind.

Maybe I am old fashioned and I just want to take things easy and enjoy the simple life and go back to a time when things weren't so busy, but I doubt I am the only person who feels like the world is moving so fast, if I blink I will miss something. I think there are times when all of us feel a little like that and we wonder what would happen if just stopped it all and refused to buy into all the commercial marketing and pressure. However, that really isn't an option because we are an instant gratification society and now, now, now is the only speed we know.

So, I had my first Christmas Choir practice last night and I am getting myself ready for Advent. Yes, they completely skip Advent. The time when we should be waiting in stillness and quiet, we are rushing all around making sure Aunt Carol has the right size sweater and Missy Jane will get her favorite dolly under the Christmas tree. We don't even stop to wait and remember who we are waiting for and what we are really celebrating. It's all about getting on to the next event. It never ends.

I've done enough ranting for one day. I am still wiped out from the weekend. I think it is time to go to bed. Until next time, Diva Divine

I conquered the log!

I went to camp last weekend, which I told you all about in my previous post. I am still boy stupid, that has not changed in 24 hours. That may never change because I have been boy stupid all my life.

Moving on from that, I have to tell you about the log. Picture this, you are walking through the woods at a camp and there is a rather large log suspended about six feet in the air between two trees. The guide tells your group "Everyone in the group has to get to the other side of the log." Being the smart ass I am, I say "So, I can walk under the log?" Um, no, everyone must go over the log. Okay, did I mention to you I am terrified of heights? Yes, standing on anything taller than a chair and I start hyperventilating. Me, going over a log, six feet in the air is probably not going to happen. However, being at camp, you can't just say "I'm not doing this!" Especially in front of a group of teenagers who are doing this activity. All weekend you work on building trust and team building skills and telling them "Sorry, I don't do heights", really isn't an option.

So, we start getting people over the log. Of course the first few weigh absolutely nothing and we do cheerleader stunt lifts to get them over the log. Then, it comes to one of the other girls, who is a little bit bigger. She was so scared to get over the log. She kept telling them "I will hurt one of you." I wanted to tell her "Honey, I've been the biggest girl in the group my whole life-- don't let this hold you back." Everyone encouraged her and we got her over the wall. One of the other tiny ones goes over and then it's my turn. I suddenly want to run away as fast as possible. I am so scared I can't talk. I can't back out now. I somehow get my big ass on the log--although my short little legs nearly kept me from doing it because I couldn't get up there without help. Then, I didn't know how to get down. I was terrified of falling and breaking my leg. I was frozen on that log and I couldn't move. About then, I seriously wanted to die or be plucked off the log by some massive bird, but the chances of that happening were slim to none. I couldn't move and I couldn't figure out how to get down. I was stuck. How do you explain to a group of teenagers "I am too stubborn to just drop down off this log because I have to be in control at all times?" Yeah, that's the break through I had Saturday. I have always been stubborn, but I finally realized just how stubborn I really am. I have to be in control of EVERYTHING or else I want nothing to do with it. I can't just let go and let someone else take care of it. I can't depend on other people because I don't trust that it will get done. Not that I don't think other people will do a good job, it's just that I have always had to be very independent and giving up control of things to other people and depending on them to help me out isn't something I have had to do much and now, I can't do it at all.

I finally started to get very weak and my arms were hurting so badly I started to drop off that log. Suddenly, I had to give up the power and the control. I dropped to the ground and the kids caught me. I didn't fall and die or break my leg. Seriously, it was a huge ordeal. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or do both simultaneously. After we were all done, I had to go take time by myself because I had to process the whole event in my mind. It was a lot to handle and a lot to deal with. It wore me out mentally and the only way to work through it was to go sit by myself and just think and write. It was a very moving experience.

So, I conquered the log and lived to tell all about it. I learned I have so much growing to do and I have to learn to let go. It's a process and I have to be open to that process in order for it to work. I have a lot of "logs" to get over in my life. I just hope I'm smart enough to figure out how to get over them without giving up. Until next time, Diva Divine


The Diva and the Log. Score: Diva 1 Log 0

I can't pack!

I am going to a work event this weekend. I fly out tomorrow morning and I am still not completely packed. Some people would tell me to just throw some stuff in a suitcase and go, but I agonize about what I should take so I am still not packed. It really shouldn't be that hard since most of the stuff we are doing is outside and I don't have to dress up or look all fabulous, but I am still worried about either taking too much stuff or not taking enough. I feel like an idiot. I am getting picked up at around 6:30 which means I will probably be packing up my suitcase for good at around 6:25. I will forget something I need. I will take things I don't need. I will realize there were things I should have taken with me and kick myself for not bringing those things. I need a personal assistant to keep me in line and to pack my suitcases for me. Until next time, Diva Divine