I don’t need any lip about not posting for a while. No lip, got it? Good. I’ve been saving up all my anger and frustration for now! Last week, we had a meeting with our financial planner at work. I was under the impression the meeting was to be about 401k’s. I have not started my 401k yet, so I was in desperate need of a tutorial session. I have no clue how to invest my money. My previous jobs have done it for me, but now I have options, so I was clueless as to what the process really entailed. I should have just stayed at my desk and worked because I came from the meeting having not learned anything and ready to beat someone—anyone’s head against the nearest wall.
First off, the financial planner guy was late! Dude, your office is a five-minute walk from our office! You can see our office from your office. How can you be late? Then, his PowerPoint presentation wouldn’t work, which put him further behind and by this time I was ready to check out. Finally, he gets started and the whole discussion is about DEBT! HUH? I was told this session was about 401k’s, so I guess I went to the wrong auditorium… oh wait, we only have one auditorium in our building and I was in it! I did not need a thirty-minute lecture on debt. If I wanted that lecture, I would watch an episode of the Suze Orman and fight the urge to slit my wrist while listening to her irritating voice drone on like nails on a chalkboard. I have student loan debt and a car payment. Yes, that does mean I am in debt. However, I am not in credit card debit, so I think I am doing okay. Not that I wouldn’t like to have all my student loans paid off by now, but considering I spent six years earning a wage which would have allowed me to qualify for low-income housing and public assistance, having those loans paid off by now is just a pipe dream. I had a college degree and I was making less than a manager at a fast food restaurant. That’s what you get for working for Jesus. Then, I went back to school to work on my Masters. Thus, incurring more debt. I was two classes from my degree when I decided I didn’t want to be a school principal anymore and I quit. Probably not the best choice of my life, but I was so sick of school and so sick of education, I felt I had to make the break. This means I will be paying for school until, let me do some calculations here….. okay, I will be paying for school until I die!
Back to the financial planner dude, sorry, I got sidetracked. So, the whole session was about getting out of debt, how debt was bad, and the only way to get out of debt was to approach it the same way one would approach eating an elephant. How does one eat an elephant-- one bite at a time. Let me tell you, I have heard that saying more times in the last few months than I care to and when Mr. Financial Planner said it, I thought I was going to catapult from my seat and go carnival freak crazy on him and scratch his eyes out! I was able to keep my cool and not go off, but it took all the restraint I had in my body to not throttle him and alleviate my frustrations.
The whole financial planning session was quite the life sucking experience. Yeah, like a big Hoover vacuum sucking all the fun out of my life, draining me dry. It didn’t help matters any that my life is already in some downward shame spiral. The financial planning session was the cherry on top of the downward shame spiral sundae. There are days when I am okay. Things are manageable. I can deal with everything and it’s all good. Then, there are moments, hours, sometimes days when things are just too overwhelming and it takes everything I have to just get out of bed and deal with my life. I have to keep myself in check, so I don’t break down in tears over little things that wouldn’t bother other people, but cause me to fall apart. It’s just something you can’t explain to other people because I don’t understand it myself. I know the way this feels and I know where these feelings can go and the road they have led me down before. I know the feeling of utter and complete helplessness that comes with it. It’s like hanging on the edge of a cliff and you keep digging your nails in deeper and deeper into the dirt so you don’t fall down, but no matter how hard you try to hang on, you feel yourself slipping and that big black hole beneath you is waiting to swallow you up.
I think about just walking away from everything. I feel like I wouldn’t be missed. I don’t think I am doing anything in my life that is making any difference to anyone. There are days when I just want someone to hug me, to let me fall apart and maybe they would help put me back together again. Whatever together means. I just want to feel whole again. I just want to be me again, but I don’t even know who I am, so that seems like it’s impossible.
So, I fill my days with work and sleep and I try to act like I’m okay. If only they could read what is really going through my head, they would know it’s all an act and I’m not okay. I’m a straddling that fine line between okay/dealing/functioning and a full-blown breakdown. I refuse to go back to the “crazy hospital” because this time, they would make me stay. This time there would be no letting me go home and coming back for group sessions. They’d keep me and my whole act would be blown then what would I do if everyone knew the truth?
I don’t know how long I can keep up my act. There are times when I just want to give up because it hurts too much to try. I feel defeated. I don’t know where my life is going. I’m at the point where I know I’m going to die alone. I’ll be the name in the obituaries that only tells you when the person died and who is handling the arrangements. It reminds me of this song we sing at Mass that says “For all my foes reproach me; all my friends are now put to flight. I am forgotten like the unremembered dead, like a dish that now is broken.” I am indeed a broken dish, shattered into a million pieces, and there’s not enough glue to fix me.
Until next time, Diva Divine
Storm by Lifehouse
How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head
If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be all right
And know everything is all right
I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface
If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be all right
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be all right
And know everything is all right
Everything is all right
Everything is all right
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Rest in Peace (pieces) my Lovely Linksys
I am saddened to inform you all of the tragic and untimely death of my Linksys Router. The old Linksys, or Link as I called him/her (can routers have genders??), has been there through it all.... good Internet connections, bad Internet connections, no Internet connections at all. Through the days of online classes and my endless nights of web surfing, Old Link was there for me, like a trusted member of the family. However, in the past three months, Link's health began to decline, dropped Internet connections became the norm and Link didn't like to play nice with my trusty MacBook. Sadly, Link was replaced today by AirPort Express. Link is survived by MacBook, AirPort Express, Motorola Cable Modem and the dust bunnies behind the dresser. Link was preceded in death by my Toshiba Satellite Laptop, which was viciously stolen by punk thugs and presumably busted up for parts or pawned for a quick buck. A traditional Irish Wake was held this evening at my abode for Link. Libations were consumed and Hail Mary's recited. It will be a private burial. Please take a moment to remember Link when you access your wi-fi and remember to thank your router for the fine, fine work it does. I have included photos for all to see. Until next time, Diva Divine
***Please note, no routers were harmed in the Wake festivities.*****
Ode to Linksys
I purchased you, my Linksys, on a fine spring day
I am sending you off to Techno-Jesus when it's cold and gray.
Once you were so speedy, so reliable, so trusty
Yet, like all technology, you got slow and rusty.
You started going slower and dropping my connection--
I tried to make you work, but couldn't deal with the rejection.
When you wouldn't play nice with my new MacBook, I had to decide--
go back to a PC or commit Router Genocide.
Today I send you off to that techno-graveyard with a tear in my eye,
Good bye my lovely Linksys, good bye, good bye.
**** Yes, I have lost my ever loving mind!********
***Please note, no routers were harmed in the Wake festivities.*****
Ode to Linksys
I purchased you, my Linksys, on a fine spring day
I am sending you off to Techno-Jesus when it's cold and gray.
Once you were so speedy, so reliable, so trusty
Yet, like all technology, you got slow and rusty.
You started going slower and dropping my connection--
I tried to make you work, but couldn't deal with the rejection.
When you wouldn't play nice with my new MacBook, I had to decide--
go back to a PC or commit Router Genocide.
Today I send you off to that techno-graveyard with a tear in my eye,
Good bye my lovely Linksys, good bye, good bye.
**** Yes, I have lost my ever loving mind!********
RIP Link
Friday, January 2, 2009
Really, are you kidding me?
Sorry for my absence. I won't make excuses, I'm just lazy and nothing exciting ever really happens in my life. I’ve been going through stuff lately. I just want to sleep and be alone. I don’t have any desire to be around other people, I just want to stay home and sleep. Yes, oh so sunny and fun here at casa de la Diva.
In my insanity last week, I agreed to meet this guy for coffee the day after Christmas. I must have been hit with a stupid stick or something when I said yes. I didn’t know much about this guy, but I know I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and it was only coffee, not a lifetime of commitment.
I almost backed out at the last minute because I just didn’t feel like going. I was running late because it was really foggy. I had been at my Mom’s house for Christmas so I had to drive back home and the drive was not fun. I had 45 minutes to shower, dress, put on make up and drive to Starbucks to meet my coffee date. I just wanted to not show up, but I knew that wasn’t the way to handle the situation, so I just hurried up and got myself ready.
My coffee date was late. I got there with a minute to spare, which is amazing since I had 45 minutes to do everything. I figured he had stood me up when he finally showed up, ten minutes late. He finally walks in and says hello, rushes to the counter and orders his coffee. It was just weird. He kind of blew by me in order to get his coffee fix. I should have taken that as a sign. Run away, right now! But, I didn’t and I spent the next hour and twenty minutes in hell. Okay, not hell but in purgatory.
I felt like it was more of a job interview than a coffee date. Mr. Coffee-aholic chugged his coffee so quickly, I am surprised he could sit still. I think he drank it in the first three minutes of meeting him and then he proceeded to attempt to drain every last drop of coffee from the cup for the duration of the evening.
I found out Mr. Coffee-aholic is a mailman. Also, Mr. Coffee-aholic-Mailman (CAM for short) wears tennis shoes without socks. Hello, Crockett I believe you must have left Tubbs out on your mail route back in the 80’s back in Miami. Mr. CAM listens to NPR and hasn’t watched television in 17 years. Okay, you and I will never be compatible because I have to watch television to see the news or catch multiple episodes of Forensic Files, Law and Order, Jon and Kate Plus Eight and Cold Case Files.
The whole evening just seemed off. Mr. CAM seemed to delight in making me feel like a dumbass or assume I am a dumbass. Didn’t I know that riding a stationary bike was nothing like riding a bike outside? Gee thanks Mr. Obvious, you’re a lifesaver. I never would have figured that one out on my own. I mentioned I was going to run a half-marathon in May. He says to me “You know, you have to train for that.” Really? I said, “I have a trainer and she has me on a schedule.” He then asks me “How much does that cost you?” Huh? Is that really something you need to be asking me? Then, he asks me who my mailman is and I said, “I have no clue.” Oh my goodness, you’d think I had committed acts of treason or something. How dare me not know who delivers my mail. Okay, CAM, I am at work when the mail comes. Therefore, I have no clue who brings it. Furthermore, I don’t really care who brings my mail just as long as it gets to me on time and they don’t swipe my magazines and good mail. He called me narrow minded, or accused me of having narrow vision for not knowing the people around me. I should have slapped him and walked out in dramatic fashion when he said that to me because really, that wasn’t necessary. He also made fun of me for singing in the choir at church and singing church music.
However, that doesn’t even compare to the next topic. He actually had the audacity to ask me whom I voted for in the last election. HUH? Did I hear you correctly? Did you just ask me whom I voted for CAM? None ya… none ya damn business CAM! That’s between God, the paper ballot and me. I was offended.
The evening was finally over. CAM had to deliver the mail the next day. Sorry CAM, I don’t work on Saturday. I will be sitting on my couch watching television. I won’t be going out to see who brings my mail and I won’t be opening any emails from you, either. I hope you can find Tubbs, because perhaps that person will appreciate you for the ass you are. Opps, did I say that aloud? And I wonder why I’m still single? Until next time, Diva Divine
In my insanity last week, I agreed to meet this guy for coffee the day after Christmas. I must have been hit with a stupid stick or something when I said yes. I didn’t know much about this guy, but I know I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and it was only coffee, not a lifetime of commitment.
I almost backed out at the last minute because I just didn’t feel like going. I was running late because it was really foggy. I had been at my Mom’s house for Christmas so I had to drive back home and the drive was not fun. I had 45 minutes to shower, dress, put on make up and drive to Starbucks to meet my coffee date. I just wanted to not show up, but I knew that wasn’t the way to handle the situation, so I just hurried up and got myself ready.
My coffee date was late. I got there with a minute to spare, which is amazing since I had 45 minutes to do everything. I figured he had stood me up when he finally showed up, ten minutes late. He finally walks in and says hello, rushes to the counter and orders his coffee. It was just weird. He kind of blew by me in order to get his coffee fix. I should have taken that as a sign. Run away, right now! But, I didn’t and I spent the next hour and twenty minutes in hell. Okay, not hell but in purgatory.
I felt like it was more of a job interview than a coffee date. Mr. Coffee-aholic chugged his coffee so quickly, I am surprised he could sit still. I think he drank it in the first three minutes of meeting him and then he proceeded to attempt to drain every last drop of coffee from the cup for the duration of the evening.
I found out Mr. Coffee-aholic is a mailman. Also, Mr. Coffee-aholic-Mailman (CAM for short) wears tennis shoes without socks. Hello, Crockett I believe you must have left Tubbs out on your mail route back in the 80’s back in Miami. Mr. CAM listens to NPR and hasn’t watched television in 17 years. Okay, you and I will never be compatible because I have to watch television to see the news or catch multiple episodes of Forensic Files, Law and Order, Jon and Kate Plus Eight and Cold Case Files.
The whole evening just seemed off. Mr. CAM seemed to delight in making me feel like a dumbass or assume I am a dumbass. Didn’t I know that riding a stationary bike was nothing like riding a bike outside? Gee thanks Mr. Obvious, you’re a lifesaver. I never would have figured that one out on my own. I mentioned I was going to run a half-marathon in May. He says to me “You know, you have to train for that.” Really? I said, “I have a trainer and she has me on a schedule.” He then asks me “How much does that cost you?” Huh? Is that really something you need to be asking me? Then, he asks me who my mailman is and I said, “I have no clue.” Oh my goodness, you’d think I had committed acts of treason or something. How dare me not know who delivers my mail. Okay, CAM, I am at work when the mail comes. Therefore, I have no clue who brings it. Furthermore, I don’t really care who brings my mail just as long as it gets to me on time and they don’t swipe my magazines and good mail. He called me narrow minded, or accused me of having narrow vision for not knowing the people around me. I should have slapped him and walked out in dramatic fashion when he said that to me because really, that wasn’t necessary. He also made fun of me for singing in the choir at church and singing church music.
However, that doesn’t even compare to the next topic. He actually had the audacity to ask me whom I voted for in the last election. HUH? Did I hear you correctly? Did you just ask me whom I voted for CAM? None ya… none ya damn business CAM! That’s between God, the paper ballot and me. I was offended.
The evening was finally over. CAM had to deliver the mail the next day. Sorry CAM, I don’t work on Saturday. I will be sitting on my couch watching television. I won’t be going out to see who brings my mail and I won’t be opening any emails from you, either. I hope you can find Tubbs, because perhaps that person will appreciate you for the ass you are. Opps, did I say that aloud? And I wonder why I’m still single? Until next time, Diva Divine
Monday, December 8, 2008
I just have freakishly large calf muscles
I went to the sports med doctor today for a check-up on my gimpy knee. I was anticipating that I might get released from treatment today. I haven't had much pain at all and I have been running again, even if it's only for about five minutes at a time, I am running. After gaining 12 pounds in 6 weeks, I knew if I didn't get back to running, I was going to need to get a zip code for my large ass. I have to push myself, because my endurance has decreased so much in the last few months, even though I had been working out, it's like starting all over again.
I asked the doctor about my huge calves when I was in the office. I have seriously been thinking I need to make an appointment with the plastic surgeon to schedule some lipo on my calves. The doctor told me I have very muscular calves and there really isn't that much fat on my calves. OMG! Are you serious? This is the one part of my body where I don't have a bunch of fat! He told me I can thin out the muscle, but I will never have dainty, cute calves. I have the calves of a pro-bowl linebacker.
I guess I can forgo that visit to plastic surgeon and either special order my boots or forgo the idea of boots all together. I did find out I can special order boots from a local department store, so I may look into this option. I would really like to have a pair of knee high boots just because I want a pair. I will let you all know how that turns out. Until next time, Diva Divine
I asked the doctor about my huge calves when I was in the office. I have seriously been thinking I need to make an appointment with the plastic surgeon to schedule some lipo on my calves. The doctor told me I have very muscular calves and there really isn't that much fat on my calves. OMG! Are you serious? This is the one part of my body where I don't have a bunch of fat! He told me I can thin out the muscle, but I will never have dainty, cute calves. I have the calves of a pro-bowl linebacker.
I guess I can forgo that visit to plastic surgeon and either special order my boots or forgo the idea of boots all together. I did find out I can special order boots from a local department store, so I may look into this option. I would really like to have a pair of knee high boots just because I want a pair. I will let you all know how that turns out. Until next time, Diva Divine
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Glamour Don't
I know I am going to hell for snapping this picture, but this girl was begging to be classified as a Glamour don't. Yes, this stunt has more than likely ensured my seat in hell will be waiting for me, but it was worth it because either this girl is either working for Santa, her Pimp is Santa or her Pimp is working part-time as Santa and digs the get-up. Please, please, please slap me if I ever wear such an outfit in public. Oh wait, that won't happen because my calves are too fat for those kind of boots! So, I guess I won't have to worry! I know, God will get me for being so mean, but He gave me fat calves, so I can be a little bitter. Until next time, Diva Divine
Monday, December 1, 2008
Britney: for the record....Craptastic. television at. its. finest!
My girl Brit is back in the saddle and she has herself a new show, a documentary if you will, on MTV appropriately titled Britney: for the record. Brit's Daddy opens the show making his baby some cheese grits! You know, according to Jamie, Brit's Daddy, other people eat Wheaties, girls from the South eat cheese grits. Perhaps that's how Brit got those big jugs?
I think the doctors have Brit on some heavy medication. She is way too mellow. Like she is in Stepford Mode or something. It's like she is Britney on permanent edit. She is really kind of freaking me out because she is just so- bland and robotic. A far cry from the girl who shaved her own head and chased after the photog's. Man, I miss that crazy Britney because you never knew what you were going to get. It was like opening a box of chocolates.... Brit was the Whitman Sampler without the nice map in the lid.
Whatever Brit is on, I would like a nice big dose of it. Perhaps it would solve all my problems and also clear up my face. Perhaps it would also help me win a VMA, launch my new album, patch things up with my baby Daddy, discover a cure for cancer and find the key to world peace.
Yes, Britney: for the record. Craptastic .television. at. its. best.
TTFN, Diva
Best line: "People thought I was on drugs." I wonder why anyone would have thought that Britney? Maybe because you acted like you were on drugs??? Possibly???
I think the doctors have Brit on some heavy medication. She is way too mellow. Like she is in Stepford Mode or something. It's like she is Britney on permanent edit. She is really kind of freaking me out because she is just so- bland and robotic. A far cry from the girl who shaved her own head and chased after the photog's. Man, I miss that crazy Britney because you never knew what you were going to get. It was like opening a box of chocolates.... Brit was the Whitman Sampler without the nice map in the lid.
Whatever Brit is on, I would like a nice big dose of it. Perhaps it would solve all my problems and also clear up my face. Perhaps it would also help me win a VMA, launch my new album, patch things up with my baby Daddy, discover a cure for cancer and find the key to world peace.
Yes, Britney: for the record. Craptastic .television. at. its. best.
TTFN, Diva
Best line: "People thought I was on drugs." I wonder why anyone would have thought that Britney? Maybe because you acted like you were on drugs??? Possibly???
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Get over it already!
I've been having some trouble with my stomach. Okay, saying that I am having some trouble with my stomach would be an understatement. I've been having a lot of trouble with my stomach. The antibiotics the dermatologist gave me to clear up my face have done just that, and they have also cleared my digestive system as well. I adjusted the time I took the medicine. I made sure I took it with food. I took it with bread. I took it with milk. I took it while standing on one foot, turning in circles and humming "Dixie", but nothing helped. I called the doctor last week and they told me it was okay to only take the medicine once a day. That worked for about five minutes. That just kept me from making five trips to the bathroom before lunch. I started taking Imodium and Gas-X, which helped but only a little. Just enough to help me not have a big blow out at any given moment. It's been very embarrassing.
I was doing really well on Thursday. No problems after taking my medicine, but I did eat a lot at Thanksgiving dinner and that probably helped to absorb the medicine. I thought things were going really well, like I had made it over the hump, and then Friday, it all came crashing down on me. I woke up with an awful backache and I couldn't stay awake for anything. I kept falling asleep and no matter what I did, I could only stay awake for thirty minutes at a time and then I would be out for a few hours. It was not good. I finally forced myself to get up. I wanted to drive back to my house because I had so much to do here. I can only stay in my hometown for about a day because they don't have Starbucks, Target or a 24-Hour Kroger. I got a shower and got dressed then got packed up to leave and then it hit me!!! AHHHHHH!!!! MUST GET TO BATHROOM NOW!!!!!!
So my bathroom escapades have started again. I spent most of yesterday in bed, much like Friday, and late last night, I ended up on the bathroom floor in pain, thinking I was either going to throw up or die from the stabbing stomach pains I was experiencing. All I could think was "I am going to die and they will find me Monday morning when I don't show up for work. Someone will walk in here and find me on the bathroom floor in my t-shirt and underwear." At least the underwear were clean. I don't know how long I stayed on the floor, but it took everything I had to get up and crawl into bed. I spent most of today in bed and I finally had to get up because I had to get my oil changed in my car and I had to sing at Mass. I am calling the doctor tomorrow and asking them to change my medicine because this is not fun. What good is it for my skin to be cleared up if I have to spend all my time in the bathroom? Really, I want to tell my stomach "Get over it already!" I just don't think my stomach is listening. Until next time, Diva Divine
I was doing really well on Thursday. No problems after taking my medicine, but I did eat a lot at Thanksgiving dinner and that probably helped to absorb the medicine. I thought things were going really well, like I had made it over the hump, and then Friday, it all came crashing down on me. I woke up with an awful backache and I couldn't stay awake for anything. I kept falling asleep and no matter what I did, I could only stay awake for thirty minutes at a time and then I would be out for a few hours. It was not good. I finally forced myself to get up. I wanted to drive back to my house because I had so much to do here. I can only stay in my hometown for about a day because they don't have Starbucks, Target or a 24-Hour Kroger. I got a shower and got dressed then got packed up to leave and then it hit me!!! AHHHHHH!!!! MUST GET TO BATHROOM NOW!!!!!!
So my bathroom escapades have started again. I spent most of yesterday in bed, much like Friday, and late last night, I ended up on the bathroom floor in pain, thinking I was either going to throw up or die from the stabbing stomach pains I was experiencing. All I could think was "I am going to die and they will find me Monday morning when I don't show up for work. Someone will walk in here and find me on the bathroom floor in my t-shirt and underwear." At least the underwear were clean. I don't know how long I stayed on the floor, but it took everything I had to get up and crawl into bed. I spent most of today in bed and I finally had to get up because I had to get my oil changed in my car and I had to sing at Mass. I am calling the doctor tomorrow and asking them to change my medicine because this is not fun. What good is it for my skin to be cleared up if I have to spend all my time in the bathroom? Really, I want to tell my stomach "Get over it already!" I just don't think my stomach is listening. Until next time, Diva Divine
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I almost didn't make it home...
I went to see the dermatologist on Tuesday to take care of some horrible acne I have been having on my back, chest and my face. It was oh so much fun to go see the doctor and let her pick around on my back and see me at my finest. I forgot to mention I almost had to clean the clock of the nurse who had the audacity to tell me "Your acne isn't that bad. I've seen much worse." Okay bitch and I've gotten people fired from their jobs for saying less than that to me. Just talk to the lady who worked for my orthodontist who yelled at me about not brushing my teeth, when I had just brushed my teeth five minutes before my appointment in the office. She accused me of having bread stuck in my brackets, even though I hadn't had bread in days. The "bread" was toothpaste residue and when I told the office manager about Ms. Meanie Pants and how she made me cry, Ms. Meanie Pants wasn't in the office the next time I had an appointment. Yeah Nurse Ratched watch it because you could be next.
Anyhow, they put me on some antibiotics for my acne, which was diagnosed as cystic acne. The first few days, I was fine. But, my stomach and antibiotics don't get along very well. I was hoping this time I was going to escape the icky side effects however, the side effects reared their ugly head late Friday and I have been staying close to the bathroom for the last two and a half days. It really sucks to be chained to the toilet because you are afraid you are going to have a big blow out episode of antibiotic diarrhea. I almost had a big blow out episode in the grocery store and on my way from the garage to my house and again on the way from my front door to the top of my stairs. Oh, it's so much fun getting a full colon cleanse every few hours.
I am trying to make it through this episode of blowout antibiotic gas and diarrhea. I was supposed to have MC come over today and help me move the cabinet from my car to my house, however, when you are expelling gas from your ass, you don't want to have a hottie come over and be exposed to that loveliness. So, I still have a cabinet in my car, gas coming from my ass and pains in my stomach. Oh, I love being me! But at least my skin is clearing up! Until next time, Diva Divine
Anyhow, they put me on some antibiotics for my acne, which was diagnosed as cystic acne. The first few days, I was fine. But, my stomach and antibiotics don't get along very well. I was hoping this time I was going to escape the icky side effects however, the side effects reared their ugly head late Friday and I have been staying close to the bathroom for the last two and a half days. It really sucks to be chained to the toilet because you are afraid you are going to have a big blow out episode of antibiotic diarrhea. I almost had a big blow out episode in the grocery store and on my way from the garage to my house and again on the way from my front door to the top of my stairs. Oh, it's so much fun getting a full colon cleanse every few hours.
I am trying to make it through this episode of blowout antibiotic gas and diarrhea. I was supposed to have MC come over today and help me move the cabinet from my car to my house, however, when you are expelling gas from your ass, you don't want to have a hottie come over and be exposed to that loveliness. So, I still have a cabinet in my car, gas coming from my ass and pains in my stomach. Oh, I love being me! But at least my skin is clearing up! Until next time, Diva Divine
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I am a fat ass... I need an intervention... NOW!
I have been really busy with work so I haven't had time to post. I know that is no excuse. I've been trying to get my house in order, with Ginny's help, and trying to get my life in order. Anyhow, I went to the doctor today and I got a big slap in the face. I knew I had gained some weight. I have been really stressed. I eat when I am stressed. I didn't think I had eaten that much, but obviously, I have been eating nonstop because I have gained 12 pounds in 6 weeks. 12 freakin' pounds in 6 weeks... that's 2 pounds a week! HOLY FREAKIN' SHIT! So, I am now on official intervention mode. I have alerted everyone that if they should happen to see me with food in my hands, they are supposed to slap me silly, take the food away and slap me again while yelling "HEY FATTY 12 POUNDS.... 6 WEEKS!!!! GO RUN AND STOP EATING BEFORE YOUR ASS GETS ITS OWN ZIP CODE!" Hopefully, that will work.
Good news on other fronts, I started running again this week. I can only run in intervals of two minutes of running, three minutes of walking, but I can run. I am hoping that the running will get me back in check and take some of this weight off of my fat ass. Otherwise, I will be trading my nice clothes for mumu's and tents.
I am still in like with MC. I am more in like with him now than before. I actually just enjoy MC's company. He makes me laugh. He likes the same music I like. He is smart. He is tall. He is actually nice and thoughtful and an all around good guy.
Well, I have to get stuff cleaned up and work off the chicken, spinach, and cheese wrap I ate for dinner. I better start running up and down my stairs for the next hour. Until next time, Diva Divine
Good news on other fronts, I started running again this week. I can only run in intervals of two minutes of running, three minutes of walking, but I can run. I am hoping that the running will get me back in check and take some of this weight off of my fat ass. Otherwise, I will be trading my nice clothes for mumu's and tents.
I am still in like with MC. I am more in like with him now than before. I actually just enjoy MC's company. He makes me laugh. He likes the same music I like. He is smart. He is tall. He is actually nice and thoughtful and an all around good guy.
Well, I have to get stuff cleaned up and work off the chicken, spinach, and cheese wrap I ate for dinner. I better start running up and down my stairs for the next hour. Until next time, Diva Divine
Monday, November 3, 2008
I will clean your clock!
I think some people really want me to hit them. Seriously, they want me to punch them right between the eyes and knock them out. Why do people insist on working my nerves? Yeah, really haven't figured that one out yet, but if you know the answer, please enlighten me. I'd love to know the answer.
Okay, so I am highly stressed right now because this is a huge week at work. I've been working on this for months. Now that the event is right in front of my face, I'm totally flipping out because everything is hitting me at once. I'm getting slammed from all sides. I want to hold up a sign and wave a white flag, yelling "I surrender!" but I don't think that is going to fly.
I've tried to let things roll off my back, but when people continue to ask me the same questions over and over again or they are just downright heinous, you can't help but fell the need to clean their clock. I mean, even if you ask me a million times, the answer to the question isn't going to change. In fact, if you keep asking me I think that I have free reign to go all bat shit crazy on your ass and scratch your eyes out. Seriously, It's like you are just asking for it. It's an open invitation in my book.
Yes, I am a pain in the ass. That's well known, but most of the time I am a nice person until people make me mad and push me to my limit and then, it's game on! All bets are off and you'd better not cross the Diva once you've done that because you could be in serious trouble,
I had to work at the nursing home tonight, which wouldn't have been so bad had I not woken up at 3:00 this morning, getting just 3 and a half hours of sleep. I was not in the mood to deal with idiot's who can't read, who keep pulling on the door and look at you like you're dumb because they are too damn stupid to follow directions. This lady came in tonight and she refused to push the button to get in the door, like we should just open the door for her because she is just so fabulous. Whatever sister, think again. Unless you are Miss Dorothy in her cute little Jazzy and you can't open the door and maneuver your wheelchair at the same or you are the cute little guy with the walker who can't push the button and open the door at the same time, I am not pushing that button for you. Okay, I will push it for the lady who has two kids, one of whom is in a pumpkin seat because she can't push the button without putting the baby seat on the floor and that isn't necessary. No Ms. I am not pushing the button doesn't fit in any of those categories. She brings some dog in with her, which I think is a big no no, but it's not worth fighting with her. So, Miss I'm Too Good leaves and comes back in (not hitting the button..."Hit the red button") and she is in a big tizzy. Someone is blocking her and she can't get out. OMG! Please leave because you are annoying. I page the person who is blocking her in. They don't come out. She is all up in arms, telling me she is going to call the cops and have the car towed. Whatever, I doubt she knows how to pick up the phone on her own, let alone dial. She gets all honked off because the person blocking her in won't come down so she goes back outside to see if she can get her car out. The blocking driver comes out and I guess they almost came to blows. One of the residents was out there and saw it all happen. Miss Priss came back in and demanded to have the name of the company the blocking driver worked for.... then, when the resident came in I found out Miss Priss was parked illegally in a handicapped parking spot!! She shouldn't even have been where she was, had she not been parked there, she wouldn't have gotten blocked in in the first place. Had I known this, I would have thumped her ass and good. SUH-CUR-ITY!!!!
Now that I have been up for 18 hours, I think it is time to go to bed. I have to get up early so I can vote before work. I am a heinous bitch, but at least I do have some redeeming qualities.... I do turn off the water when I brush my teeth and I give things to charity. Until next time, Diva Divine
Okay, so I am highly stressed right now because this is a huge week at work. I've been working on this for months. Now that the event is right in front of my face, I'm totally flipping out because everything is hitting me at once. I'm getting slammed from all sides. I want to hold up a sign and wave a white flag, yelling "I surrender!" but I don't think that is going to fly.
I've tried to let things roll off my back, but when people continue to ask me the same questions over and over again or they are just downright heinous, you can't help but fell the need to clean their clock. I mean, even if you ask me a million times, the answer to the question isn't going to change. In fact, if you keep asking me I think that I have free reign to go all bat shit crazy on your ass and scratch your eyes out. Seriously, It's like you are just asking for it. It's an open invitation in my book.
Yes, I am a pain in the ass. That's well known, but most of the time I am a nice person until people make me mad and push me to my limit and then, it's game on! All bets are off and you'd better not cross the Diva once you've done that because you could be in serious trouble,
I had to work at the nursing home tonight, which wouldn't have been so bad had I not woken up at 3:00 this morning, getting just 3 and a half hours of sleep. I was not in the mood to deal with idiot's who can't read, who keep pulling on the door and look at you like you're dumb because they are too damn stupid to follow directions. This lady came in tonight and she refused to push the button to get in the door, like we should just open the door for her because she is just so fabulous. Whatever sister, think again. Unless you are Miss Dorothy in her cute little Jazzy and you can't open the door and maneuver your wheelchair at the same or you are the cute little guy with the walker who can't push the button and open the door at the same time, I am not pushing that button for you. Okay, I will push it for the lady who has two kids, one of whom is in a pumpkin seat because she can't push the button without putting the baby seat on the floor and that isn't necessary. No Ms. I am not pushing the button doesn't fit in any of those categories. She brings some dog in with her, which I think is a big no no, but it's not worth fighting with her. So, Miss I'm Too Good leaves and comes back in (not hitting the button..."Hit the red button") and she is in a big tizzy. Someone is blocking her and she can't get out. OMG! Please leave because you are annoying. I page the person who is blocking her in. They don't come out. She is all up in arms, telling me she is going to call the cops and have the car towed. Whatever, I doubt she knows how to pick up the phone on her own, let alone dial. She gets all honked off because the person blocking her in won't come down so she goes back outside to see if she can get her car out. The blocking driver comes out and I guess they almost came to blows. One of the residents was out there and saw it all happen. Miss Priss came back in and demanded to have the name of the company the blocking driver worked for.... then, when the resident came in I found out Miss Priss was parked illegally in a handicapped parking spot!! She shouldn't even have been where she was, had she not been parked there, she wouldn't have gotten blocked in in the first place. Had I known this, I would have thumped her ass and good. SUH-CUR-ITY!!!!
Now that I have been up for 18 hours, I think it is time to go to bed. I have to get up early so I can vote before work. I am a heinous bitch, but at least I do have some redeeming qualities.... I do turn off the water when I brush my teeth and I give things to charity. Until next time, Diva Divine
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Feeling lazy
I am sitting here on my bed when I know I have a million and one things to do right now. I should be unpacking boxes in my den and getting my house in order. I should be exercising. I should be trying to get something done before I go to the nursing home this afternoon for my shift. However, I am sitting here on my bed, typing this post because I really don't feel like doing anything else. I could so take a nap right now. It's cool outside and my bedroom is nice and dark, Bring It On is playing again and I totally get sucked in every time that movie is on. I shouldn't even turn on the television because I am so easily sucked in by anything that comes on, it doesn't matter what it is, I will watch it. I seriously suck.
I do get up and go to Mass this morning. I guess I can count that as a positive in the win column. However, I am convinced I am a magnet for oddness or people who smell really bad. For example, today this guy sits behind me and he seriously smelled foul. Yes, smelled so foul I almost had to get up and move because I thought I was going to be sick. What is it with people who stink sitting close to me? Do I have a sign on my back that says "Sit by me so I can smell your wretched ass and nearly vomit every time I inhale?" Can't people smell their own stink? Do I just have an over active olfactory system? Am I just a mean person whose heightened sense of smell only seems to get her in trouble?
At least all my clothes are hung up now thanks to Ginny and her persistence. She came over the other night and cracked the whip on my lazy ass. She helped me hang up all my clothes and unpack boxes. She also helped me take apart my table and carry it down to the garage. She is the best sister a girl could have. I am so blessed to have her as a sister! Ginny rocks!
I am going to watch Bring It On and laze the time away until I need to get to the nursing home. I will be kicking myself tomorrow when I go back to work and I still have a house that is completely unorganized. I only have myself to blame, so I know where the buck stops. Yeah, that would be with me. Until next time, Diva Divine
I do get up and go to Mass this morning. I guess I can count that as a positive in the win column. However, I am convinced I am a magnet for oddness or people who smell really bad. For example, today this guy sits behind me and he seriously smelled foul. Yes, smelled so foul I almost had to get up and move because I thought I was going to be sick. What is it with people who stink sitting close to me? Do I have a sign on my back that says "Sit by me so I can smell your wretched ass and nearly vomit every time I inhale?" Can't people smell their own stink? Do I just have an over active olfactory system? Am I just a mean person whose heightened sense of smell only seems to get her in trouble?
At least all my clothes are hung up now thanks to Ginny and her persistence. She came over the other night and cracked the whip on my lazy ass. She helped me hang up all my clothes and unpack boxes. She also helped me take apart my table and carry it down to the garage. She is the best sister a girl could have. I am so blessed to have her as a sister! Ginny rocks!
I am going to watch Bring It On and laze the time away until I need to get to the nursing home. I will be kicking myself tomorrow when I go back to work and I still have a house that is completely unorganized. I only have myself to blame, so I know where the buck stops. Yeah, that would be with me. Until next time, Diva Divine
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
It's not even Halloween yet and I'm singing Christmas music
Tis the season to start carving pumpkins and jumping in piles of leaves. After spending last weekend in Massachusetts, I was all stoked about Fall and leaves and hot chocolate... okay, maybe not hot chocolate because I think I drank too much of that last weekend and I am really sick of it right now, but I was digging the whole fall thing. Then, I came home and realized I had to start Christmas Choir practice on Tuesday! Yikes! Tuesday!! Yes, that would be Tuesday, October 21st. That is a full 66 days before Christmas (in case you were wondering). That is insane. Normally, we wouldn't start practice until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. However, this year we are recording a CD and if we want to have it available for purchase before Christmas, we must have it recorded by early November which means we have to start practicing now.
Let me tell you how odd it is to sing about Christmas and the baby Jesus and snow and wise men when the leaves are just starting to turn colors. It's more than odd, it's downright disturbing. I swear, it seems like only a few weeks ago that we were singing this music for Christmas Eve and now, it's time to get it all out again and prepare for all the hoopla again. It's bad enough when the stores go from 4th of July merchandise to Back to School stuff, straight into Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas all at the same time. Before you know it, we will just have Halthanksmas--- complete with ghosts, goblins, and witches riding on the backs of turkeys looking for the Baby Jesus who is dressed in his Hathanksmas garb chillin' with Mary and Joseph who are gnawing on turkey legs and stuffing next to the manger watching some football on their flat screen television. What a sight that would be to behold. I think we should throw in a few fireworks for good measure, just to liven things up a bit.
I think we have become such a commercialized, consumer driven society we have forgotten the significance of these holidays and why we celebrate them. It's like we can't wait to get the kids back in school so we can decorate the pumpkins and then before we even have the pumpkin carved, we are already moving on to Thanksgiving and turkey, time off school, and then before the bird is even in the oven, we are shopping for Christmas and decorating the tree and making New Year's Resolutions because that is how the commercial world treats those events, just stuff them down our throats and entice us to buy all the stuff you think we need, before we need it because if you wait to buy it when the holiday actually gets close, you are out of luck because the commercial world has already moved on to the next holiday.
I remember as a child that it took forever for Halloween to arrive once we started school. Back in those days, school didn't even start as soon as it does now. We actually didn't have as much time to wait as kids do these days. And then, it took a long time to get to Thanksgiving and the first long break from school. Forget about Christmas, that was only a glimmer in our mind's eye because it might as well have been a million light years away because it took forever to arrive and was over too soon. Now, maybe because I am older and times goes quicker, the days fly by me so quickly, I don't have time to catch my breath between blinks of my eye. So many things happen so fast and we, as a society, never slow down to enjoy them because it is always rush, rush, rush, you must get from point a to point b to point c and if you don't do it fast enough, you get left behind.
Maybe I am old fashioned and I just want to take things easy and enjoy the simple life and go back to a time when things weren't so busy, but I doubt I am the only person who feels like the world is moving so fast, if I blink I will miss something. I think there are times when all of us feel a little like that and we wonder what would happen if just stopped it all and refused to buy into all the commercial marketing and pressure. However, that really isn't an option because we are an instant gratification society and now, now, now is the only speed we know.
So, I had my first Christmas Choir practice last night and I am getting myself ready for Advent. Yes, they completely skip Advent. The time when we should be waiting in stillness and quiet, we are rushing all around making sure Aunt Carol has the right size sweater and Missy Jane will get her favorite dolly under the Christmas tree. We don't even stop to wait and remember who we are waiting for and what we are really celebrating. It's all about getting on to the next event. It never ends.
I've done enough ranting for one day. I am still wiped out from the weekend. I think it is time to go to bed. Until next time, Diva Divine
Let me tell you how odd it is to sing about Christmas and the baby Jesus and snow and wise men when the leaves are just starting to turn colors. It's more than odd, it's downright disturbing. I swear, it seems like only a few weeks ago that we were singing this music for Christmas Eve and now, it's time to get it all out again and prepare for all the hoopla again. It's bad enough when the stores go from 4th of July merchandise to Back to School stuff, straight into Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas all at the same time. Before you know it, we will just have Halthanksmas--- complete with ghosts, goblins, and witches riding on the backs of turkeys looking for the Baby Jesus who is dressed in his Hathanksmas garb chillin' with Mary and Joseph who are gnawing on turkey legs and stuffing next to the manger watching some football on their flat screen television. What a sight that would be to behold. I think we should throw in a few fireworks for good measure, just to liven things up a bit.
I think we have become such a commercialized, consumer driven society we have forgotten the significance of these holidays and why we celebrate them. It's like we can't wait to get the kids back in school so we can decorate the pumpkins and then before we even have the pumpkin carved, we are already moving on to Thanksgiving and turkey, time off school, and then before the bird is even in the oven, we are shopping for Christmas and decorating the tree and making New Year's Resolutions because that is how the commercial world treats those events, just stuff them down our throats and entice us to buy all the stuff you think we need, before we need it because if you wait to buy it when the holiday actually gets close, you are out of luck because the commercial world has already moved on to the next holiday.
I remember as a child that it took forever for Halloween to arrive once we started school. Back in those days, school didn't even start as soon as it does now. We actually didn't have as much time to wait as kids do these days. And then, it took a long time to get to Thanksgiving and the first long break from school. Forget about Christmas, that was only a glimmer in our mind's eye because it might as well have been a million light years away because it took forever to arrive and was over too soon. Now, maybe because I am older and times goes quicker, the days fly by me so quickly, I don't have time to catch my breath between blinks of my eye. So many things happen so fast and we, as a society, never slow down to enjoy them because it is always rush, rush, rush, you must get from point a to point b to point c and if you don't do it fast enough, you get left behind.
Maybe I am old fashioned and I just want to take things easy and enjoy the simple life and go back to a time when things weren't so busy, but I doubt I am the only person who feels like the world is moving so fast, if I blink I will miss something. I think there are times when all of us feel a little like that and we wonder what would happen if just stopped it all and refused to buy into all the commercial marketing and pressure. However, that really isn't an option because we are an instant gratification society and now, now, now is the only speed we know.
So, I had my first Christmas Choir practice last night and I am getting myself ready for Advent. Yes, they completely skip Advent. The time when we should be waiting in stillness and quiet, we are rushing all around making sure Aunt Carol has the right size sweater and Missy Jane will get her favorite dolly under the Christmas tree. We don't even stop to wait and remember who we are waiting for and what we are really celebrating. It's all about getting on to the next event. It never ends.
I've done enough ranting for one day. I am still wiped out from the weekend. I think it is time to go to bed. Until next time, Diva Divine
Monday, October 20, 2008
I conquered the log!
I went to camp last weekend, which I told you all about in my previous post. I am still boy stupid, that has not changed in 24 hours. That may never change because I have been boy stupid all my life.
Moving on from that, I have to tell you about the log. Picture this, you are walking through the woods at a camp and there is a rather large log suspended about six feet in the air between two trees. The guide tells your group "Everyone in the group has to get to the other side of the log." Being the smart ass I am, I say "So, I can walk under the log?" Um, no, everyone must go over the log. Okay, did I mention to you I am terrified of heights? Yes, standing on anything taller than a chair and I start hyperventilating. Me, going over a log, six feet in the air is probably not going to happen. However, being at camp, you can't just say "I'm not doing this!" Especially in front of a group of teenagers who are doing this activity. All weekend you work on building trust and team building skills and telling them "Sorry, I don't do heights", really isn't an option.
So, we start getting people over the log. Of course the first few weigh absolutely nothing and we do cheerleader stunt lifts to get them over the log. Then, it comes to one of the other girls, who is a little bit bigger. She was so scared to get over the log. She kept telling them "I will hurt one of you." I wanted to tell her "Honey, I've been the biggest girl in the group my whole life-- don't let this hold you back." Everyone encouraged her and we got her over the wall. One of the other tiny ones goes over and then it's my turn. I suddenly want to run away as fast as possible. I am so scared I can't talk. I can't back out now. I somehow get my big ass on the log--although my short little legs nearly kept me from doing it because I couldn't get up there without help. Then, I didn't know how to get down. I was terrified of falling and breaking my leg. I was frozen on that log and I couldn't move. About then, I seriously wanted to die or be plucked off the log by some massive bird, but the chances of that happening were slim to none. I couldn't move and I couldn't figure out how to get down. I was stuck. How do you explain to a group of teenagers "I am too stubborn to just drop down off this log because I have to be in control at all times?" Yeah, that's the break through I had Saturday. I have always been stubborn, but I finally realized just how stubborn I really am. I have to be in control of EVERYTHING or else I want nothing to do with it. I can't just let go and let someone else take care of it. I can't depend on other people because I don't trust that it will get done. Not that I don't think other people will do a good job, it's just that I have always had to be very independent and giving up control of things to other people and depending on them to help me out isn't something I have had to do much and now, I can't do it at all.
I finally started to get very weak and my arms were hurting so badly I started to drop off that log. Suddenly, I had to give up the power and the control. I dropped to the ground and the kids caught me. I didn't fall and die or break my leg. Seriously, it was a huge ordeal. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or do both simultaneously. After we were all done, I had to go take time by myself because I had to process the whole event in my mind. It was a lot to handle and a lot to deal with. It wore me out mentally and the only way to work through it was to go sit by myself and just think and write. It was a very moving experience.
So, I conquered the log and lived to tell all about it. I learned I have so much growing to do and I have to learn to let go. It's a process and I have to be open to that process in order for it to work. I have a lot of "logs" to get over in my life. I just hope I'm smart enough to figure out how to get over them without giving up. Until next time, Diva Divine
The Diva and the Log. Score: Diva 1 Log 0
Moving on from that, I have to tell you about the log. Picture this, you are walking through the woods at a camp and there is a rather large log suspended about six feet in the air between two trees. The guide tells your group "Everyone in the group has to get to the other side of the log." Being the smart ass I am, I say "So, I can walk under the log?" Um, no, everyone must go over the log. Okay, did I mention to you I am terrified of heights? Yes, standing on anything taller than a chair and I start hyperventilating. Me, going over a log, six feet in the air is probably not going to happen. However, being at camp, you can't just say "I'm not doing this!" Especially in front of a group of teenagers who are doing this activity. All weekend you work on building trust and team building skills and telling them "Sorry, I don't do heights", really isn't an option.
So, we start getting people over the log. Of course the first few weigh absolutely nothing and we do cheerleader stunt lifts to get them over the log. Then, it comes to one of the other girls, who is a little bit bigger. She was so scared to get over the log. She kept telling them "I will hurt one of you." I wanted to tell her "Honey, I've been the biggest girl in the group my whole life-- don't let this hold you back." Everyone encouraged her and we got her over the wall. One of the other tiny ones goes over and then it's my turn. I suddenly want to run away as fast as possible. I am so scared I can't talk. I can't back out now. I somehow get my big ass on the log--although my short little legs nearly kept me from doing it because I couldn't get up there without help. Then, I didn't know how to get down. I was terrified of falling and breaking my leg. I was frozen on that log and I couldn't move. About then, I seriously wanted to die or be plucked off the log by some massive bird, but the chances of that happening were slim to none. I couldn't move and I couldn't figure out how to get down. I was stuck. How do you explain to a group of teenagers "I am too stubborn to just drop down off this log because I have to be in control at all times?" Yeah, that's the break through I had Saturday. I have always been stubborn, but I finally realized just how stubborn I really am. I have to be in control of EVERYTHING or else I want nothing to do with it. I can't just let go and let someone else take care of it. I can't depend on other people because I don't trust that it will get done. Not that I don't think other people will do a good job, it's just that I have always had to be very independent and giving up control of things to other people and depending on them to help me out isn't something I have had to do much and now, I can't do it at all.
I finally started to get very weak and my arms were hurting so badly I started to drop off that log. Suddenly, I had to give up the power and the control. I dropped to the ground and the kids caught me. I didn't fall and die or break my leg. Seriously, it was a huge ordeal. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or do both simultaneously. After we were all done, I had to go take time by myself because I had to process the whole event in my mind. It was a lot to handle and a lot to deal with. It wore me out mentally and the only way to work through it was to go sit by myself and just think and write. It was a very moving experience.
So, I conquered the log and lived to tell all about it. I learned I have so much growing to do and I have to learn to let go. It's a process and I have to be open to that process in order for it to work. I have a lot of "logs" to get over in my life. I just hope I'm smart enough to figure out how to get over them without giving up. Until next time, Diva Divine
The Diva and the Log. Score: Diva 1 Log 0
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I can't pack!
I am going to a work event this weekend. I fly out tomorrow morning and I am still not completely packed. Some people would tell me to just throw some stuff in a suitcase and go, but I agonize about what I should take so I am still not packed. It really shouldn't be that hard since most of the stuff we are doing is outside and I don't have to dress up or look all fabulous, but I am still worried about either taking too much stuff or not taking enough. I feel like an idiot. I am getting picked up at around 6:30 which means I will probably be packing up my suitcase for good at around 6:25. I will forget something I need. I will take things I don't need. I will realize there were things I should have taken with me and kick myself for not bringing those things. I need a personal assistant to keep me in line and to pack my suitcases for me. Until next time, Diva Divine
Monday, October 13, 2008
Because I’m not completely heinous... at least not all the time. What happens at Homecoming, stays at Homecoming, unless Ginny brings her camera
Many people probably think I am completely heinous because I tend to be quite snarky. Yes, I have a sharp tongue and I get rather mouthy from time-to-time, but really I am a nice person…. Most of the time. Okay, some of the time. In my effort to show all of you I am not completely heinous I wanted to pass along a recycling opportunity or two. Nike has a Reuse-A-Shoe program called Let Me Play (www.letmeplay.com/reuseashoe). The program accepts old sneakers, of any brand, and recycles them into courts for various sports so kids around the world have a place to play. You can drop your shoes off at a Nike store, other participating retailers, athletic clubs, and schools around the country (check the website for locations near you), or mail them to Nike Recycling Center, c/o Reuse-a-Shoe, 26755 SW 95th Avenue, Wilsonville, OR 97070. If your shoes still have some life left in them, consider donating them to needy athletes in the US and around the world through www.oneworldrunning.com. Mail them to One World Running, P.O. Box 2223, Boulder CO 80306.
I went back to my alma mater this past weekend for Homecoming. I still can’t get over the fact I graduated college eleven years ago. I feel like an old lady and from the way the current students looked at the alumni, I might as well been pushing my walker and having my nurse wipe drool from my chin. Yeah, that is no way to treat your alums, you ungrateful little twerps. Do you realize I had to sleep in a dorm that didn’t have air conditioning for two years, that’s two move-in days with sweat pouring from places I don’t want to think about sweating and two move-out days with more sweat? Do they realize I lived in the basement of said un-air conditioned dorm and nearly got flooded out during a rainstorm? Oh, no they don’t know anything about those days because they tore that dorm down, a year after I graduated, and built a nice new, coed dorm with air conditioning, nice furniture, huge fireplaces and decent bathrooms.
All I got for those first two years were many sweaty nights, even sweatier days and the smell of Downy dryer sheets and burnt popcorn coming from our antiquated kitchens that dated back to 1940. Seriously, the dorm had the original appliances. And they wondered why people didn’t stay in the dorms? Duh, why take your life in your hands and risk losing your possessions when the place could catch fire the next time Sloshy Suzy decided to whip up another batch of Mudslides for Buzzed Bambi and Liquored-up Lucy before they went off to a fraternity party because their blender short circuited the entire electrical system? I think I had exactly two plug-ins in my room freshman year and that was for two people. Yeah, not real great when you both have five things to plug in, not to mention you had to have four fans going all the time to keep the place below 100 degrees. This lead to us having two power strips apiece, which completely overloaded the electrical system and could have sent the place up in flames faster than the blender that belonged to Suzy, Bambi and Lucy, but at least I wasn’t concocting alcoholic beverages to get my under-aged sorority sisters nicely polluted. I had to have enough plug-ins for my hairdryer, radio and potpourri pot. Yes, I was a geek. I admit it. I probably would have had more fun had I been hanging out with Suzy, Bambi and Lucy my Freshman and Sophomore years, but we live and we learn.
I got lucky and managed to get a room in the exclusive Senior Dorm my Junior year. That’s called “I-took-so-many-credits-so-I-could-graduate-in-four-years-I-am-a- Junior-with-Senior-Standing-after-my-Fifth-Semester.” The Senior Dorm had air conditioning, real bathrooms, sinks in the rooms and nice furniture that didn’t have things carved into it like “Elvis Slept Here” and “Pat Dunbar is a Fox!” I am serious about the Pat Dunbar thing. That was written in the elevator, let me rephrase that, the scary freight elevator that we took to move things up to the 3rd floor or the 2nd floor or sometimes just for the hell of it. It had a wooden gate you had to raise and lower when you used the thing. I swear it was right out of an old movie. I am surprised someone didn’t die on that thing…. There was the rumor about the girl who died in that dorm maybe the elevator did get her? It did have a funky smell come to think of it.
Anyhow, back to Homecoming. I got to see lots of people I hadn’t see in years. I hung out with my sorority sisters (to which I never contributed to their drinking habits……. Keep quiet about that late night run to CVS LE and KS when I took these “lists” given to me by anonymous people, otherwise, well, you won’t want to see what the Diva will do☺) Ginny rode with me and we got caught up from her trip to Ireland and Wales for the last two weeks. She even brought my shillelagh and lots of other good stuff. We walked around and went to all the buildings and saw all the changes they had made, went to the bookstore and bought stuff that is still overpriced (good to know some things never change), and took pictures of ourselves in several questionable poses with the school’s namesake. Seriously, when you put a huge statute of the namesake sitting on a bench, you are only inviting people, like nutty alumni and drunken college students, to take suggestive pictures with said namesake. Don’t tell me that didn’t run through their minds when that statue and bench were put out there. If it didn’t, they were dumb because that was the first thing that would have gone through my head “How long will it take for us to see suggestive pictures with the namesake pop-up on social networking sites and other places on the internet?” But, then again, my mind is not so stable and I think of the most random stuff.
I had to have my picture taken on the namesakes lap, then giving the namesake a kiss and finally, doing something suggestive to the namesake because, well, again if you put it out there, it’s bound to happen. Of course, Ginny had to pose, too. She said to me “Namesake is HOT!” I thought she meant hot, like Paris Hilton means hot, but she clarified it by saying “No! I mean hot, like burn you hot!!!!!” Yes, it seems that the namesake statue is a conductor of heat and the temperature was above 80 and the sun was beating down on the said statue all day. Hot was an understatement. More like give you second degree burns upon contact. I think my arm still has a big red splotch from my brief contact with the namesake statue.
After frolicking around campus, we decided to go to our favorite college over 21 establishment where friends meet. We were walking back to my car (which I parked on the president’s lawn… I wasn’t the only one) when we pass these guys sitting on the back of their truck. I think I would have to classify them as boys because they seemed really young, or then again, maybe I am just really old. I don’t even think they were students or even alums. I think they were just there to drink. Why would you be tailgating on the President’s Lawn, which is really nowhere near the football field and you can’t see the game. Yeah, you can’t tell me they were there for the game. So, Ginny and I walk by and they say “Hello Ladies!” We said hello and kept walking. “Where you going?” To get our drink on. “Oh, then come back here!” No, not on your life. You are drinking Old Milwaukee on the back of your pick-up truck, which is parked on the President’s Lawn. I don’t want to come and drink with you just so you can ogle my goodies and think I might actually do more than just let you look at my “fun bags.” I have a degree from this fine, fine college and sitting on the back of your pick-up truck downing beer and letting you feel me up is not my idea of fun. Besides, you probably only really want me to go get you more booze because you aren’t old enough to buy it for yourselves and those days are over, mister. Nope, sorry, going to meet my sisters at the fine establishment when friends meet. Perhaps another time??? Not!
And I wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend? Hmmm. Shocking, I know.
All in all, Homecoming was a fun experience, especially because I had Ginny there to crack me up every five seconds. I loved the walk down memory lane. Fun times I tell you, fun times. I am loving my bookstore purchases. I will be living in my lounge pants for years to come. I have to wear them for years to come to get my monies worth out of them! I will be taking them this weekend on the trip I am making for work. Most likely, they will have to pry them off my body every day because that is how comfy they are. And yes, the pictures from Homecoming are posted on a social networking site for all the world to see. See if I had been on that statue committee things like this wouldn’t happen, but I’m not and now there are suggestive pictures of the school namesake out there for all the world to see. Oh well, I’ll just say I had been getting my drink on, even though that didn’t happen until well after those pictures were taken, because really, who could resist getting naughty with the statue of your alma mater’s namesake. You put it out there like that and you are only asking for trouble and suggestive pictures. At least we had all our clothes on! Until next time, Diva Divine
I went back to my alma mater this past weekend for Homecoming. I still can’t get over the fact I graduated college eleven years ago. I feel like an old lady and from the way the current students looked at the alumni, I might as well been pushing my walker and having my nurse wipe drool from my chin. Yeah, that is no way to treat your alums, you ungrateful little twerps. Do you realize I had to sleep in a dorm that didn’t have air conditioning for two years, that’s two move-in days with sweat pouring from places I don’t want to think about sweating and two move-out days with more sweat? Do they realize I lived in the basement of said un-air conditioned dorm and nearly got flooded out during a rainstorm? Oh, no they don’t know anything about those days because they tore that dorm down, a year after I graduated, and built a nice new, coed dorm with air conditioning, nice furniture, huge fireplaces and decent bathrooms.
All I got for those first two years were many sweaty nights, even sweatier days and the smell of Downy dryer sheets and burnt popcorn coming from our antiquated kitchens that dated back to 1940. Seriously, the dorm had the original appliances. And they wondered why people didn’t stay in the dorms? Duh, why take your life in your hands and risk losing your possessions when the place could catch fire the next time Sloshy Suzy decided to whip up another batch of Mudslides for Buzzed Bambi and Liquored-up Lucy before they went off to a fraternity party because their blender short circuited the entire electrical system? I think I had exactly two plug-ins in my room freshman year and that was for two people. Yeah, not real great when you both have five things to plug in, not to mention you had to have four fans going all the time to keep the place below 100 degrees. This lead to us having two power strips apiece, which completely overloaded the electrical system and could have sent the place up in flames faster than the blender that belonged to Suzy, Bambi and Lucy, but at least I wasn’t concocting alcoholic beverages to get my under-aged sorority sisters nicely polluted. I had to have enough plug-ins for my hairdryer, radio and potpourri pot. Yes, I was a geek. I admit it. I probably would have had more fun had I been hanging out with Suzy, Bambi and Lucy my Freshman and Sophomore years, but we live and we learn.
I got lucky and managed to get a room in the exclusive Senior Dorm my Junior year. That’s called “I-took-so-many-credits-so-I-could-graduate-in-four-years-I-am-a- Junior-with-Senior-Standing-after-my-Fifth-Semester.” The Senior Dorm had air conditioning, real bathrooms, sinks in the rooms and nice furniture that didn’t have things carved into it like “Elvis Slept Here” and “Pat Dunbar is a Fox!” I am serious about the Pat Dunbar thing. That was written in the elevator, let me rephrase that, the scary freight elevator that we took to move things up to the 3rd floor or the 2nd floor or sometimes just for the hell of it. It had a wooden gate you had to raise and lower when you used the thing. I swear it was right out of an old movie. I am surprised someone didn’t die on that thing…. There was the rumor about the girl who died in that dorm maybe the elevator did get her? It did have a funky smell come to think of it.
Anyhow, back to Homecoming. I got to see lots of people I hadn’t see in years. I hung out with my sorority sisters (to which I never contributed to their drinking habits……. Keep quiet about that late night run to CVS LE and KS when I took these “lists” given to me by anonymous people, otherwise, well, you won’t want to see what the Diva will do☺) Ginny rode with me and we got caught up from her trip to Ireland and Wales for the last two weeks. She even brought my shillelagh and lots of other good stuff. We walked around and went to all the buildings and saw all the changes they had made, went to the bookstore and bought stuff that is still overpriced (good to know some things never change), and took pictures of ourselves in several questionable poses with the school’s namesake. Seriously, when you put a huge statute of the namesake sitting on a bench, you are only inviting people, like nutty alumni and drunken college students, to take suggestive pictures with said namesake. Don’t tell me that didn’t run through their minds when that statue and bench were put out there. If it didn’t, they were dumb because that was the first thing that would have gone through my head “How long will it take for us to see suggestive pictures with the namesake pop-up on social networking sites and other places on the internet?” But, then again, my mind is not so stable and I think of the most random stuff.
I had to have my picture taken on the namesakes lap, then giving the namesake a kiss and finally, doing something suggestive to the namesake because, well, again if you put it out there, it’s bound to happen. Of course, Ginny had to pose, too. She said to me “Namesake is HOT!” I thought she meant hot, like Paris Hilton means hot, but she clarified it by saying “No! I mean hot, like burn you hot!!!!!” Yes, it seems that the namesake statue is a conductor of heat and the temperature was above 80 and the sun was beating down on the said statue all day. Hot was an understatement. More like give you second degree burns upon contact. I think my arm still has a big red splotch from my brief contact with the namesake statue.
After frolicking around campus, we decided to go to our favorite college over 21 establishment where friends meet. We were walking back to my car (which I parked on the president’s lawn… I wasn’t the only one) when we pass these guys sitting on the back of their truck. I think I would have to classify them as boys because they seemed really young, or then again, maybe I am just really old. I don’t even think they were students or even alums. I think they were just there to drink. Why would you be tailgating on the President’s Lawn, which is really nowhere near the football field and you can’t see the game. Yeah, you can’t tell me they were there for the game. So, Ginny and I walk by and they say “Hello Ladies!” We said hello and kept walking. “Where you going?” To get our drink on. “Oh, then come back here!” No, not on your life. You are drinking Old Milwaukee on the back of your pick-up truck, which is parked on the President’s Lawn. I don’t want to come and drink with you just so you can ogle my goodies and think I might actually do more than just let you look at my “fun bags.” I have a degree from this fine, fine college and sitting on the back of your pick-up truck downing beer and letting you feel me up is not my idea of fun. Besides, you probably only really want me to go get you more booze because you aren’t old enough to buy it for yourselves and those days are over, mister. Nope, sorry, going to meet my sisters at the fine establishment when friends meet. Perhaps another time??? Not!
And I wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend? Hmmm. Shocking, I know.
All in all, Homecoming was a fun experience, especially because I had Ginny there to crack me up every five seconds. I loved the walk down memory lane. Fun times I tell you, fun times. I am loving my bookstore purchases. I will be living in my lounge pants for years to come. I have to wear them for years to come to get my monies worth out of them! I will be taking them this weekend on the trip I am making for work. Most likely, they will have to pry them off my body every day because that is how comfy they are. And yes, the pictures from Homecoming are posted on a social networking site for all the world to see. See if I had been on that statue committee things like this wouldn’t happen, but I’m not and now there are suggestive pictures of the school namesake out there for all the world to see. Oh well, I’ll just say I had been getting my drink on, even though that didn’t happen until well after those pictures were taken, because really, who could resist getting naughty with the statue of your alma mater’s namesake. You put it out there like that and you are only asking for trouble and suggestive pictures. At least we had all our clothes on! Until next time, Diva Divine
Bring on the noise, leave out the funk
I just got home from the gym. I should be in the shower, but I had to write about this while it was still fresh in my mind. I get to the gym this morning, all ready to listen to some tunes on my iPod. I get my headphones on, loop them through my shirt and down my arm, plug them into my iPod and.... Nothing!!!! I make sure it's not in the "hold" position. No, it's on. I hit the menu button again. NOTHING! I do everything I know, but still NOTHING. I left my headphones on because I figure it would keep some of the noise out from people who just talk and don't workout.
I went back to stretch out after my warm up. I came back to do some cardio when I catch a whiff of some shittastic funk. Seriously, it was so foul I almost threw up in my mouth a little bit. I know I smell something fierce when I get done with my workout, but when I get to the gym, I don't smell too bad. This person brought that funk with them. That was left over from the weekend funk. That was I don't shower and then I come and sweat funk. Yuck! Leave that funk at home. Nobody wants to smell that funk.
I have to get my funktastic self in the shower so I can get to work and not take my funk with me. No, I am not going to go to work and smell all funky and jank the place up! No, I am a clean Diva! Until next time, Keep the noise, and leave the funk! Diva Divine
Update: I forgot to tell you all I had to listen to Boy George this morning at the gym. Seriously, Boy effing George at 6:10 in the morning, that is just torture. Come on people take him off the playlist! Sorry to offend any BG fans out there, but BG not my cup of tea. And just to let you all know, my iPod battery died. Probably from getting switched on in my purse and playing since, ummm, Saturday. I am charging it up so I can rock out tomorrow. TTFN, DD
I went back to stretch out after my warm up. I came back to do some cardio when I catch a whiff of some shittastic funk. Seriously, it was so foul I almost threw up in my mouth a little bit. I know I smell something fierce when I get done with my workout, but when I get to the gym, I don't smell too bad. This person brought that funk with them. That was left over from the weekend funk. That was I don't shower and then I come and sweat funk. Yuck! Leave that funk at home. Nobody wants to smell that funk.
I have to get my funktastic self in the shower so I can get to work and not take my funk with me. No, I am not going to go to work and smell all funky and jank the place up! No, I am a clean Diva! Until next time, Keep the noise, and leave the funk! Diva Divine
Update: I forgot to tell you all I had to listen to Boy George this morning at the gym. Seriously, Boy effing George at 6:10 in the morning, that is just torture. Come on people take him off the playlist! Sorry to offend any BG fans out there, but BG not my cup of tea. And just to let you all know, my iPod battery died. Probably from getting switched on in my purse and playing since, ummm, Saturday. I am charging it up so I can rock out tomorrow. TTFN, DD
Friday, October 10, 2008
Give the people what they want…I’m bringin’ janky back…don’t make me have to cut you…Ginny is back, let the shillelagh hitting begin!
I know I have not been so consistent about blogging lately. I have been trying to get my apartment in order, which seems to be a losing battle. I can’t get the boxes unpacked and I am not at all motivated to get it done either. When I get home at a normal time, I want to sit down and enjoy myself. Kick off my shoes, put my feet up, watch some television, and relax. I sort of put off writing until it is too late and I have to get my large butt in bed. I have stuff I know would entertain all of you, but I’m too tired to get it out there. Then, there are times when I am busy. I make it home in time to eat dinner, shower and go to bed. Usually in that order.
So today, I got a message from Carrie Jo telling me I need to write more because “working too much is not an excuse!” Which I know was said in jest. I guess it all comes down to remembering this “Give the people what they want”, which is what I always saw right before we go out to sing at Christmas. I do some dumb little dance and clap this stupid rhythm and say “Give the people what they want!” But it’s true. You have to give the people what they want. If you want blog entries, blog entries you will get.
I also got a comment today from someone applauding my use of the word Janky! I love the word janky and all the derivatives I can invent! So, I am going to do my best at bringin’ janky back, ‘cause if Justin can bring sexy back, then I, the Diva, can bring janky back!
I am sitting at the nursing home right now and I swear some of these people want me to cut them. This one guy keeps messing up the door and I am seriously going to knock him into next week! He is a little shit, it wouldn’t take much to knock him out! The other day, some lady almost tore the door off the hinges because she wouldn’t read the sign that said “Push the red button to release the lock” or listen when I said “STOP!!!!!” When I let her in she looks at me and says “That door sticks!” No nimrod, it is locked and you have to push the red button to get in, which you would have known if you had read the sign! Here’s your sign!!!! Come to find out, she was at the wrong nursing home! That made me want to beat her even more!
This morning I used the gym at my apartment complex for the first time. I figured no one would be there, but I was wrong. I walked up to the door and put my key in and I could hear the television…outside. This guy had the television up so loud, you could hear it OUTSIDE!!! WTF? Are you deaf or something? I nearly went deaf just walking in. The volume was up so loud, I couldn’t ask him to turn it down because he wouldn’t have heard me. It was awful. I put my iPod on and tried to drown it out, but it was so loud, that was impossible. Deaf Boy finally left, but before he did, he asked me (over the blaring television) if I wanted to keep the television on? HUH? WHAT DID YOU SAY? NO, TURN IT OFF!! Hell, just turn it down so I can hear again. I should have cut him! Dumb, deaf ass boy!
Ginny has been in Ireland. I sent her a text and told her I wanted a shillelagh. So, she is bringing me back a shillelagh I can use to hit people. I can’t wait! Shillelagh law rules!!!!! I will take the shillelagh with me to the nursing home and hit people who can’t read the sign on the door. That sounds like a plan!! Until next time, Diva Divine
So today, I got a message from Carrie Jo telling me I need to write more because “working too much is not an excuse!” Which I know was said in jest. I guess it all comes down to remembering this “Give the people what they want”, which is what I always saw right before we go out to sing at Christmas. I do some dumb little dance and clap this stupid rhythm and say “Give the people what they want!” But it’s true. You have to give the people what they want. If you want blog entries, blog entries you will get.
I also got a comment today from someone applauding my use of the word Janky! I love the word janky and all the derivatives I can invent! So, I am going to do my best at bringin’ janky back, ‘cause if Justin can bring sexy back, then I, the Diva, can bring janky back!
I am sitting at the nursing home right now and I swear some of these people want me to cut them. This one guy keeps messing up the door and I am seriously going to knock him into next week! He is a little shit, it wouldn’t take much to knock him out! The other day, some lady almost tore the door off the hinges because she wouldn’t read the sign that said “Push the red button to release the lock” or listen when I said “STOP!!!!!” When I let her in she looks at me and says “That door sticks!” No nimrod, it is locked and you have to push the red button to get in, which you would have known if you had read the sign! Here’s your sign!!!! Come to find out, she was at the wrong nursing home! That made me want to beat her even more!
This morning I used the gym at my apartment complex for the first time. I figured no one would be there, but I was wrong. I walked up to the door and put my key in and I could hear the television…outside. This guy had the television up so loud, you could hear it OUTSIDE!!! WTF? Are you deaf or something? I nearly went deaf just walking in. The volume was up so loud, I couldn’t ask him to turn it down because he wouldn’t have heard me. It was awful. I put my iPod on and tried to drown it out, but it was so loud, that was impossible. Deaf Boy finally left, but before he did, he asked me (over the blaring television) if I wanted to keep the television on? HUH? WHAT DID YOU SAY? NO, TURN IT OFF!! Hell, just turn it down so I can hear again. I should have cut him! Dumb, deaf ass boy!
Ginny has been in Ireland. I sent her a text and told her I wanted a shillelagh. So, she is bringing me back a shillelagh I can use to hit people. I can’t wait! Shillelagh law rules!!!!! I will take the shillelagh with me to the nursing home and hit people who can’t read the sign on the door. That sounds like a plan!! Until next time, Diva Divine
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Sick and wrong....
I am trying to get my house in order. So far, I am not doing such a good job. I have only managed to make more messes. I went to Wal-Mart tonight to pick up shelf paper for my cabinets. I picked up some little organizing gadgetry for my cabinets, too. I was so excited to get things organized I came home and went right to work. The only problem, the stuff won't fit in my cabinet. Are you kidding me? The hanging basket for cups, nope. The duel shelving units, nope. The only thing that did fit was the three tiered spice rack. And really, it doesn't do all that much for me. It just keeps me from losing the little jars in the cabinet.
So, I start looking in the den and going through my shoes. I have a thirty gallon tote full of shoes and that is not the only tote I have with shoes in it. That my friends is what you call sick and wrong. No one, and I repeat, no one needs that many pairs of shoes. It was too overwhelming to deal with the shoe issue, so I had to leave the shoes for another day. Another project abandoned.
I have managed to bring in a few things from the car or the garage the past two days. I guess I will have to count that as a victory. Albeit, a small victory. I found my silverware and dish washing soap. I loaded the dishwasher last night and I have clean dishes. Of course, they are still in the dishwasher. Well, I was on a roll there for a minute.
I really could stay home and work all day and maybe get stuff in order, but that isn't really an option. I might have some time on Saturday, but I have some things planned for the afternoon and evening. I work Sunday afternoon and then it is time to go back to my real job on Monday. I leave for Massachusetts two weeks from Friday. I have to get this place in order so I can deal with my life and get myself organized. I think it might be a good idea to just throw out the boxes and start all over again. I could buy all the stuff I like that is new now and forget about the old junk. Yeah, don't really think that is such a good idea because that would get very expensive.
So, I am going back to the kitchen and I am going to try to get my stuff in order. I might end up being on the eleven o'clock news "Nonprofit worker goes postal on kitchen cabinets and rips them off walls. Film at eleven." Until next time, Diva Divine
So, I start looking in the den and going through my shoes. I have a thirty gallon tote full of shoes and that is not the only tote I have with shoes in it. That my friends is what you call sick and wrong. No one, and I repeat, no one needs that many pairs of shoes. It was too overwhelming to deal with the shoe issue, so I had to leave the shoes for another day. Another project abandoned.
I have managed to bring in a few things from the car or the garage the past two days. I guess I will have to count that as a victory. Albeit, a small victory. I found my silverware and dish washing soap. I loaded the dishwasher last night and I have clean dishes. Of course, they are still in the dishwasher. Well, I was on a roll there for a minute.
I really could stay home and work all day and maybe get stuff in order, but that isn't really an option. I might have some time on Saturday, but I have some things planned for the afternoon and evening. I work Sunday afternoon and then it is time to go back to my real job on Monday. I leave for Massachusetts two weeks from Friday. I have to get this place in order so I can deal with my life and get myself organized. I think it might be a good idea to just throw out the boxes and start all over again. I could buy all the stuff I like that is new now and forget about the old junk. Yeah, don't really think that is such a good idea because that would get very expensive.
So, I am going back to the kitchen and I am going to try to get my stuff in order. I might end up being on the eleven o'clock news "Nonprofit worker goes postal on kitchen cabinets and rips them off walls. Film at eleven." Until next time, Diva Divine
Monday, September 29, 2008
Goodbye Velma, GI Joe and Cowboy Bob-I won't miss any of you.
Sorry I have not been updating lately. I've been a little busy. I had to work both of my jobs one week. That meant 57 hours of work in one week....I was so tired and by the time I got home, I was too tired to do anything other than eat dinner and go to bed. Then, last week I was busy packing for my move. I moved Friday. I never want to move again. I am not joking. I seriously never want to move again. I don't want to pack another box or schedule another moving team. I know I will eat those words someday, but for right now, I don't want to think about moving again.
Saturday I had to run back to the other apartment to pick up my cable box because the movers wouldn't move it for some reason. Anyhow, I ran in and picked up the cable unit, I walked back out of my apartment and of course I was ready to drop all the stuff because I think it is only right to try to carry ten thousand things at one time. That's how I roll. When I was coming out I had to stop and lock the door, I was talking to myself, I am sure of it when all the sudden, Velma (weird next door neighbor) opens her door, looks at me and then closes the door. Okay Velma, were you looking for Scooby and Shaggy? Did you really need to open the door and look at me? No, I don't think so. You were just being nosy and I should have kicked your ass or cut you. I am so glad to be out of there, away from Velma, Cowboy Bob and GI Joe because they were sort of janky ghetto. Seriously, Velma put some note on her mailbox that she only wanted the mailman to put mail in her box addressed to her. Velma, I think you have had one too many rides in the Mystery Machine with Shaggy and took a few too many tokes from the reefer, because the mailman doesn't have time to look at all the mail he puts in your box. Do what everyone else does and throw the junk away. DUH!! Velma, for being a student at the prestigious local university, you are dumber than a damn stump.
I was also tired of Cowboy Bob and his nasty boots in the hallway, tracking in crap all over the carpet. I was also over GI Joe and his yappy dog and his loud ass wife who screamed at the dog all the time for being a bad puppy. I don't need all that mess in my life. I have enough foolishness going on and I don't have time to deal with all their foolishness, too. I hadn't realized how much the apartment complex had become the den of jankiness until I left. Just one night at the new apartment and I had my eyes opened.
The new apartment is so quiet and nice. I love it so far. Other than the fact that my car is too wide to fit in my garage, everything else has been good. They are going to see if someone will switch garages with me so I can have a garage too. So, when that happens, things will be FAB-U-LOUS!!
I am off to take a shower and then to bed. I am so tired I had trouble staying awake at work today. I have to sleep tonight so I can be back on top of my game tomorrow. I really wish the nice unpacking fairies would come and take the things out of my car that I had to put in there today. I still have a few things at the other apartment. I have to turn in my keys tomorrow, so I have to get it all out by tomorrow. I only have a few things, it won't take my long to get done. I just want it to be done. I am falling asleep. Until next time, Diva Divine
Saturday I had to run back to the other apartment to pick up my cable box because the movers wouldn't move it for some reason. Anyhow, I ran in and picked up the cable unit, I walked back out of my apartment and of course I was ready to drop all the stuff because I think it is only right to try to carry ten thousand things at one time. That's how I roll. When I was coming out I had to stop and lock the door, I was talking to myself, I am sure of it when all the sudden, Velma (weird next door neighbor) opens her door, looks at me and then closes the door. Okay Velma, were you looking for Scooby and Shaggy? Did you really need to open the door and look at me? No, I don't think so. You were just being nosy and I should have kicked your ass or cut you. I am so glad to be out of there, away from Velma, Cowboy Bob and GI Joe because they were sort of janky ghetto. Seriously, Velma put some note on her mailbox that she only wanted the mailman to put mail in her box addressed to her. Velma, I think you have had one too many rides in the Mystery Machine with Shaggy and took a few too many tokes from the reefer, because the mailman doesn't have time to look at all the mail he puts in your box. Do what everyone else does and throw the junk away. DUH!! Velma, for being a student at the prestigious local university, you are dumber than a damn stump.
I was also tired of Cowboy Bob and his nasty boots in the hallway, tracking in crap all over the carpet. I was also over GI Joe and his yappy dog and his loud ass wife who screamed at the dog all the time for being a bad puppy. I don't need all that mess in my life. I have enough foolishness going on and I don't have time to deal with all their foolishness, too. I hadn't realized how much the apartment complex had become the den of jankiness until I left. Just one night at the new apartment and I had my eyes opened.
The new apartment is so quiet and nice. I love it so far. Other than the fact that my car is too wide to fit in my garage, everything else has been good. They are going to see if someone will switch garages with me so I can have a garage too. So, when that happens, things will be FAB-U-LOUS!!
I am off to take a shower and then to bed. I am so tired I had trouble staying awake at work today. I have to sleep tonight so I can be back on top of my game tomorrow. I really wish the nice unpacking fairies would come and take the things out of my car that I had to put in there today. I still have a few things at the other apartment. I have to turn in my keys tomorrow, so I have to get it all out by tomorrow. I only have a few things, it won't take my long to get done. I just want it to be done. I am falling asleep. Until next time, Diva Divine
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I was going to donate my blood; you didn't have to nearly kill me for it!
I gave blood yesterday. There was a time when I donated blood on a fairly regular basis. Back when I had time to be a do-gooder. When I traveled to Honduras in 2005, I wasn’t allowed to give blood for one year because I had been to a country where I could have been exposed to malaria and I had to have a blue million shots and a prescription of anti-malaria meds. They don’t want your blood if those things have been floating around in there. I sort of got out of the habit of donating after that. We actually had a blood drive at work yesterday, so I signed up to donate. I thought it was a good time to get back in that habit again. They brought the little blood bus out to us and they actually paid us to go out and give blood. It was really cool.
When it was my turn to roll up my sleeve, I got the chatty phlebotomist. Why do I always get people who want to talk my leg off? Seriously, there were no phones ringing, no people wanting this and that from me, I could just lean back and relax for ten minutes. No, I have the guy who wants to sing every song that comes on the radio and talk my leg off. I wanted to tell him “Please be quiet so I can enjoy this time without my phone ringing. Thank you.” But, I really couldn’t say that to him, so I had to listen to him yak on and on and sing and aggravate me. I should have taken the needle and gouged his eyes out. That would have stopped him from yakking so much don’t you think?
Anyhow, Mr. Phlebotomist preps me for my donation. He swabs my arm with something for at least 45 seconds and then tells me “Now you will feel a little stick and a sting.” Yeah, I’ve done this a bunch of times. I know the drill. Then, he sticks me and I almost went through the roof of the blood bus. I thought he cut my arm in half. The pain shot up my arm and I had tears in my eyes. It hurt like hell. He blamed it on the tourniquet. The tourniquet, hell, his blood drawing skills was the problem, not the tourniquet. He loosened the tourniquet and it didn’t help much, but I didn’t want to tell him “My arm still hurts because you didn’t get the needle in there right.” I have no right to tell him he didn’t do his job right when I have no clue how to do his job. I just know from experience it wasn’t right. I also didn’t want to be stuck a second time. I am a fast bleeder, so I knew it would be over soon. Okay, I prayed it would be over soon.
I was able to fill my blood bag in about seven minutes. I told you I am a fast bleeder. I ate my yogurt and fruit and got the hell off the blood bus. I was in so much pain I thought my arm was going to fall off. Plus, I was tired of listening to Mr. I Really Can’t Shut Up Phlebotomist sing another bad 80’s tune. Yes, I would have really rather dealt with my phone ringing. I hurried back to my desk and popped four Advil and prayed for the pain to cease. Or, I was going to go hack my arm off in the bathroom with a plastic knife and spoon.
I have a nice bruise on my arm today, but thankfully the pain is gone. After three doses of Advil, I should be feeling like a million dollars and my liver is close to having toxic levels of meds. I hope Mr. Phlebotomist found someone else to serenade because maybe there is someone in the world who could appreciate him and his voice. I couldn’t be counted among those people because I am too mean and cranky. Actually, my problem is lack of sleep. I am have been working both jobs this week, except last night when I met my sorority sisters for dinner. I am so tired I could put my head down on this desk and fall asleep, even with the awful live music we are having tonight (Gotta love bad versions of All My Ex’s Live in Texas and Johnny B. Good…oh yes, I so want this guy to play at my next event…not!). I didn’t want to get up this morning and go to the gym, but I felt like such a fat ass after eating out last night, I knew I had to get up and do something. I just have to make it through tomorrow and then I can sort of sleep in Saturday because I have to work Saturday morning from 10 until 3. We are having Girls Night Out Saturday night, which should be fun!!! Just one more day of doing both jobs and Saturday morning should be easy. Next week however is going to be a big pain because I am moving Friday and I have not packed the first box. Yeah, can you say someone will be a big pain in the ass next week because she didn’t get stuff done prior to this move? No, I have no idea who that pain in the ass would be. Only 15 more minutes here in Country Music Hell…not like I’m counting or anything. Until next time, Diva Divine
When it was my turn to roll up my sleeve, I got the chatty phlebotomist. Why do I always get people who want to talk my leg off? Seriously, there were no phones ringing, no people wanting this and that from me, I could just lean back and relax for ten minutes. No, I have the guy who wants to sing every song that comes on the radio and talk my leg off. I wanted to tell him “Please be quiet so I can enjoy this time without my phone ringing. Thank you.” But, I really couldn’t say that to him, so I had to listen to him yak on and on and sing and aggravate me. I should have taken the needle and gouged his eyes out. That would have stopped him from yakking so much don’t you think?
Anyhow, Mr. Phlebotomist preps me for my donation. He swabs my arm with something for at least 45 seconds and then tells me “Now you will feel a little stick and a sting.” Yeah, I’ve done this a bunch of times. I know the drill. Then, he sticks me and I almost went through the roof of the blood bus. I thought he cut my arm in half. The pain shot up my arm and I had tears in my eyes. It hurt like hell. He blamed it on the tourniquet. The tourniquet, hell, his blood drawing skills was the problem, not the tourniquet. He loosened the tourniquet and it didn’t help much, but I didn’t want to tell him “My arm still hurts because you didn’t get the needle in there right.” I have no right to tell him he didn’t do his job right when I have no clue how to do his job. I just know from experience it wasn’t right. I also didn’t want to be stuck a second time. I am a fast bleeder, so I knew it would be over soon. Okay, I prayed it would be over soon.
I was able to fill my blood bag in about seven minutes. I told you I am a fast bleeder. I ate my yogurt and fruit and got the hell off the blood bus. I was in so much pain I thought my arm was going to fall off. Plus, I was tired of listening to Mr. I Really Can’t Shut Up Phlebotomist sing another bad 80’s tune. Yes, I would have really rather dealt with my phone ringing. I hurried back to my desk and popped four Advil and prayed for the pain to cease. Or, I was going to go hack my arm off in the bathroom with a plastic knife and spoon.
I have a nice bruise on my arm today, but thankfully the pain is gone. After three doses of Advil, I should be feeling like a million dollars and my liver is close to having toxic levels of meds. I hope Mr. Phlebotomist found someone else to serenade because maybe there is someone in the world who could appreciate him and his voice. I couldn’t be counted among those people because I am too mean and cranky. Actually, my problem is lack of sleep. I am have been working both jobs this week, except last night when I met my sorority sisters for dinner. I am so tired I could put my head down on this desk and fall asleep, even with the awful live music we are having tonight (Gotta love bad versions of All My Ex’s Live in Texas and Johnny B. Good…oh yes, I so want this guy to play at my next event…not!). I didn’t want to get up this morning and go to the gym, but I felt like such a fat ass after eating out last night, I knew I had to get up and do something. I just have to make it through tomorrow and then I can sort of sleep in Saturday because I have to work Saturday morning from 10 until 3. We are having Girls Night Out Saturday night, which should be fun!!! Just one more day of doing both jobs and Saturday morning should be easy. Next week however is going to be a big pain because I am moving Friday and I have not packed the first box. Yeah, can you say someone will be a big pain in the ass next week because she didn’t get stuff done prior to this move? No, I have no idea who that pain in the ass would be. Only 15 more minutes here in Country Music Hell…not like I’m counting or anything. Until next time, Diva Divine
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